Does he deserve my friendship??

[minrjohn]

My ex broke up with me about three months ago because he says we are incompatible, even though he still loves me, bla, bla, bla. He says he wants to be friends, but I don't understand why. I don't know if he deserves that much effort. Because it would take a lot of effort...

 

I messed around with another guy for about a month, the classic 'rebound'. But I knew that was what it was, and I was honest about everything with the 'rebound' guy. My ex freaked out about it. I was very considerate, I didn't take the new guy around our mutual friends, I had an honest conversation with the ex about it, etc.

 

Two weeks afterwards, my ex called and asked me if when I was working the next week. A band was playing at a bar where I work. I told him, and he showed up....on a date. He's done some other slightly shady things since then.. He has an explanation every time..

 

I ditched the 'rebound' guy because it stopped being fun. My ex is still with his rebound. They are actually getting serious, I think. But my ex still calls me once a week to reaffirm our friendship. I don't think that he wants to get back together with me, and I don't want to be with him.

I care about him, but I don't know that a friendship will work. There is another girl in his picture, which makes things more complicated. He refuses to tell me what he wants from me in a friendship. Should I tell him to f**k off? It's kinda hard to do.

[iamonlyhuman]

my situation is exactly like yours ssweetheart, you know what just dont contact him, its better for you and if he is persistent about been friends, ask him why, thats what I did and he couldnt give me astraightforward answer. He is offering me all soughts of help that I dont really need, which makes me suspicious.

 

Just dont bother talking to him its not worth your time right now especially if he has acurrent girlfriend like mine has. NC, NC,NC, get tired of those two letters but it makes so much sense.lol

 

On the otherhand, if you feel you can be friends even though he has a new girl, then continue doing what you are doing but me personally , i couldn't, due to old feelings coming back and wouldnt wana risk been dragged down into that horrible abyss I was in before...it sucked, and I am sure you know.

[RandomAdvisor]

He calls you once a week to reaffirm your friendship? Is that all your friendship with him is at this point, or do you still hang out with him in a circle of mutual friends?

 

From the sounds of things, and the way you've described you're feeling I think that you should tell him to *&^( off in so many words. If you're uncomfortable with this "friendship" with him, then it's more trouble than it is worth.

[minrjohn]

Yep... at this point, our friendship pretty much consists of him calling and/or coming over for an hour or two once a week and asking if we're still friends.

 

Almost all our friends are mutual. (We dated for over a year) But he always brings his new girlfriend when he hangs out. He doesn't say hello to me when he is with his girlfriend. She doesn't know our friends and so they don't socialize much. I told him that I am not going to come up to them and say hello and introduce myself or any of that. It is his responsibility to do that and to make things comfortable if he still wants to be my friend. But he says that he wont go out of his way to say hello to me because it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend...

 

But when his girlfriend isn't around, he will follow me around and try to talk to me all night.

 

I think I know that I have to tell him to let me go because his behavior isn't helping me or making me feel good. Im just not sure how to go about doing it. I would feel uncomfortable sitting down with him to tell him all the reasons why we cant be friends, but if I don't lay it all out for him, he will keep calling me for weeks.

[fantasia2004]

question why be friends with someone who tossed you aside like garbage and makes you bend and play by his rules like a puppet?

[iamonlyhuman]

in this situation you tell him to never contact you again or to put it blunty...F...OFF!!! because he is blimmin confused and you dont wana get tied up in his confusion...

[msj1977]

I agree with fantasia2004. It has taken me a month to realize that my ex was confused about the decision she made and tried to string me along during her confusion. She and I argued and she would still continue to contact me even when she was and is still seeing her rebound. The only times she would stop calling me is if I seemed needy. When I ignore her or was mean to her she would make contact with me all the time. I wish I would have blew her totally off a month ago. She has done a lot to kinda keep me around for the last month. Now, I am just tired of it and I despise her game playing more than ever. She tossed me like garbage and b/c of that I have no desire to be friends with her. She and I were best friends before we dated but oh have things changed. I do believe this woman is going to try and cycle back around to me, but I am going to make sure that does not happen by not giving her the time of day. Good riddens is what I say. If a person causes anyone emotional distress then it is best to try to eliminate that stress if you can. It will take time but NC is the only way.