what the heck is he thinking?

[SeaBisquit]

my ex called me today after two weeks of NC, were suppose to be on a break from our relationship after a cooling off period. two weeks ago we talked and he told me he wanted to continue the relationship. he told me that he didn't want to be with anybody else that he only wanted to be with me. he told me that when things get better in our lives that we would be able to move in together. now today he tells me that he is getting a house of his own but he still wants to see me. I feel that he can't accept me the way I am, I have made alot of mistakes in the past but I'm trying to make myself better. he has alot of problems too that have also caused us to breakup. he says that he doesn't want to get back together until things are perfect. i don't know if he is just making up excuses and he says it's up to me if i want to wait for him or not. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

[codaaurora]

Do me a favor, next time you talk to him, ask him to name one moment in time (other than the birth of JC) that everything was PERFECT?

 

Better yet, ask yourself this and then ask yourself why your listening to him tell you this BS and not seeing right threw it.

 

I don't know him so I can't say for sure, but I can tell you this. Don't sit around and wait for him decide whether or not you or the situation is now perfect and it's ok to start a relationship. There is NO such thing. Anyways, he should love and accept you for who you are, warts and all. If he can't, hey that's ok, but it's obviously not what YOU want, do you see my point?

 

 

[DragonGirl724]

well i dont know the circumstances why you guys broke up or what issues you both had in the past that you vaguely addressed. but i think him getting his own place doesnt mean that you wont be able to move in with him if & when the time comes. he probably just wants to cut the BULL & get his life in order..i see youre 24 so i assume hes your age or older...if so, he probably just wants to get his act together & start anew. props to him for doing that. id be able to give better advice if i knew what 'issues' you were talking about. and as for things being perfect, maybe he needs to straighten things out in his own life & feel 100% secure about the moves hes making & being financially stable & independent again. then work on the love thing. sometimes people need to fix somethings in their lives before bringing someone else into it with them. its a mature thing to do, id see him through & talk things over. but then again i dont know the reasoning behind your breakup.

 

-DG724

[SeaBisquit]

yeah I'm seeing the light and your point. i guess when you trust someone it's easy to be decieved.

[SeaBisquit]

ok, the reason for the breakup is because right before we met he had gotten a divorce. his ex wife is a big problem in our relationship. we use to live together, we lived together for about 8 months and knew each other for two years. i became very insecure because of his ex wife, i always felt like he was still in love with her. he told me he wasn't but it just bothered me cause she was always causing problems for us. i started drinking alot, got really drunk one night and got into a car accident and ended up in jail. now i'm on probation, have lot's of courts fees and these are the problems he wants resolved before we get back together. i agree to some extent that we should start off again on the right track, but then again , evewryone has problems and i believe we should stand by each other to get through them.

[DragonGirl724]

seabisquit,

 

the best advice anyone can give you; is to work on different aspects of your life, improve what needs to be worked on & focus on whats important to you. he is doing the same & maybe in time you 2 will meet up again, with a clearer view on both your lives & things can work out fabulously.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

wow! okay...well you said in your first post that this was HIS FAULT. nothing in this was HIS FAULT! YOU are making an issue of his ex wife, YOU were insecure, YOU drove drunk, YOU had an accident & YOU deserved the punishment YOU receieved for drunk driving. i despise drunk drivers & i hope YOU learned YOUR lesson.

 

this was in no way shape or form any of his doings. so take on the responsibilites for this one & get your butt out of the bar & focus on whats important. he was right for splitting. id split if i had a BF who behaved like that!

 

-DG724

[SeaBisquit]

dear drangongirl,

i have no excuses i know i did something very wrong.

i despise drinking and driving also. that is why i despise myself

i don't hang out in bars and normally i never drink and drive

and this has been a big lesson

[Mun]

Honey, don't wait for him.. any man that tells you " I'll love you if/when.. " is not worth your time.

 

Work on yourself, you need to clean out your closet, so to speak, and you will eventually get back on track.

 

Best wishes