Does he still want us to work out?

[foolish]

My b/f and I got back together a month ago and things have been a little rough since. His grandpa passed away last Friday and he has been so distant. I thought for sure he would want me by his side to help him cope through his rough time but he doesn't want me around at all. He just wants to be with his family and thats it. I don't understand, I mean I know some people cope different with Grievances but he really pushed me way out there to the point where I am questioning whether he really does want things to work or he just wants to be friends. I figured since we have been together for 2 years I was like family to, I mean we always went to see his grandparents together all the time. I just dont' understand this. Then I went to his house the other night to see if he was okay and he totally freaked on me. He asked me why I couldn't just give him his space and why I couldn't just leave him alone. I felt like crap after that, and I couldn't believe that he said that to me. I tried to let it go because I know what its like to lose a family member, but everyone I've talked to wants their g/f or b/f there for them in those kinds of situations. I really need some advice on what to do because he hasn't called me and I"m worried.

[chai714]

Write him a simple letter. Tell him that you're sorry for his loss, and that if he wants to talk about his feelings, you're all ears. Do not offer advice, just listen. Meanwhile, withdraw a bit from him because he is having a hard time coping with it. Don't act needy, and do not take it personal.

[smallworld]

If he doesn't normally behave this coldly, I'd give him some time to sort through his feelings and send him a note telling him you love him and will be there for him when he's ready to talk. Then I'd leave him alone. I'm sure he cares about you, but right now he's in a lot of pain and doesn't have the strength to take care of his emotional needs and yours. He's spending all his time with his family, because he feels they're the only ones who really share and understand his loss. He resents your attempts to force your way into his life, because he feels you're being selfish when you ignore his need for "space."

 

Run down to your library and grab Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The book explains why men tend to shut down during times of emotional turmoil and how to deal with it. Good luck! I know it's hard, but if you love him you have to respect his wishes and let him heal on his own terms in his own time.

[foolish]

Well I wrote a letter and I want to give it to him but he's been really distant. I tried callin him 3 times lastnite and he finally called me late lastnite. He just treats me like a friend and he doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore. Then I called him today and he was being weird again. I told him that he can't keep himself in a depressive hole. Well he told me that he's not that depressed anymore and he can't wait to come home to see his family. He didn't even mention me!!! I'm like, well I'm here too and I miss you too. He didn't even say anything after that. What the hell is going on with him. Does he want to end it with me?

[mercury25]

I don't think there's any good reason for him to act *that* coldly toward you, even if he did just lose a loved one. You're a loved-one too (supposed to be one anyway), and don't deserve to be treated badly.