Two weeks ago--He said he needs space

[its_kathie]

Well, his life is falling apart. He lost the job he loved; was put on disability for a year; his 15 son is smoking and drinking. We have been together for 8 months. We laugh, talk, play and just "mesh" well together. Then one day the bomb went off--he got scared and said he needs some time to think. He said our relationship has touched his soul, he has never felt like this before, and he feels inferior to me: I'm a pre-law student getting exceptional grades. He's a mechanic (off duty now). I love him, love him, and love him some more. He told best friend that I was the best woman he has ever met. His children love me and want us to marry. He said he's scared and now he is obviously running. We agreed to "step back" for a month. But I find the attrition too painful. I gave him a book on day 7 of the split "He's Scared/She's Scared", and I call Sunday to tell him I would be over to pick up my things on Friday. Mind you, this was a very serious relationship. Full of I love you's, "when are coming home", talking about our dream home. He even loaned me his BMW after a car accident destroyed my car. This breakup happened overnight!! WHAT DO I DO!! I want him back. He know's I love him, but I have remained "classy" and dignified through this whole process. Just last Sunday he told me his life hasn't been the same since I have been gone; he told me he wanted to call a million times, and he told me he loved me--HELP

[DN]

What exactly is he scared of?

[its_kathie]

Thanks for your question. I pondered on it and realize--He is scared that I will abandon him. HE brought up the marriage talk about April 4th. I told him I don't know where I stand on marriage and that I will have to get back with him. He told me he didn't see the importance in a piece of paper. I somewhat agreed; however, I was unsure. So I gave it a good 24 hrs of good thought. Got back to him that night, and told him we may be at a crossroads. I told him I wanted the natrual progression of a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage. He knows because of my schooling that that would mean YEARS. I just told him that I didn't want a "girlfriend" status in 10 years. He said he didn't have a problem with any of that. However, two weeks later and pleanty of "festering" he became conflicted. We talked a bit about it on Sunday and he agreed that it was fear of abandonment. His past wives have left him of other men. So yes, he has baggage...but who doesn't after 30 something.

[DN]

Here's the problem, made worse by his experience. You had to think - for 24 hours. And your schooling seems to come first with you.

 

So, IMO, he is not sure if you love him enough to want to be with him for the rest of his life - married or not. You said you loved him - but you haven't been able to prove it. And so he is bailing first, because his exes taught him that was the best thing to do.