Looking for some advice

[starfly82]

Back in January I met a woman at a bar. We hit it off pretty good and by the end of the night we were kissing in the bathroom. We agreed to meet at the bar again the next night. I found out that she was in the military and that she lived in another state. She was here visiting some friends of hers. With a good-bye kiss we agreed that we would keep in touch with one another.

 

We talked on the phone and wrote each other email everday. Two weeks later she came back claiming that she was here to visit her friends (she was staying there) but I suspected that she was really here to see me. We ended up going out to dinner with another friend of hers. Later on we went back out to the bar. I had gotten really drunk. I ended up going back to where she was staying and we had sex. Good sex! We spent the next day together and she came back and stayed with me.

 

When she went back home all she could talk about was wanting me to come down to where she lived to meet her friends and family. She also told me that she was going active duty and had to go away for training. So I went to see her before she had to leave. It was probably the best four days I have evr had. I met her friends and family. We went out and just had a good time. We took a drive and she showed me where she grew up. I felt that we had connected on so many levels. I guess I felt like I was falling in love.

 

Then unfortunately I had to go back to the real world and she had to leave for training. We talked everday..for a while then she got busy and I got busy (with school) and eventually the calls stopped. When we would talk she would tell me that she cared for me and wanted to take care of me and how much she missed me. The feeling was mutual. I sent her letters and packages. This is why I don't understand why she has practically ceased all contact with me. Her training is over and she should be on her way home if she isn't already. I have called and left emails and no response. I don't get it. I don't know what I should do and feel like I am letting it consume me. I care very deeply for her even though we have been apart. If anyone has some advice or comments or anything it would be veryt greatly appreciated. Thanks for bearing with me.

Starfly

[honeyspur]

I think it is very possible she found out a lot about herself during training that she didn't know before. Emotional things, goals, how she conducts herself with others.

As you probably know, military training is very instense. It changes a person greatly, almost everyone who goes through it , feels like they are changed forever. Mostly for the better.

 

Perhaps she realized she didn't like the way you both met or didn't like being out of control. Even if you don't think she was, SHE might feel that way..

Remember, military training is all about self-discipline. Maybe she feels that she was not disciplined before and doesn't want to be reminded of it. Just seeing people you knew can remind you of who you used to be.

I honestly don't think it has anything to do with you.

 

I certainly would stop trying to contact her and just wait and see. But I understand completely your pain and confusion. I would feel the same way.

I also would not give up hope - unless 6 months or so go by. Trying to not contact them for 30 days is a good way to test it.

[surfergirl73]

It sounds like she may be pushing you away. I dont know why people do this. It is really immature! But human nature controls us sometimes. Maybe she thought the "long distance" thing hurts too much to continue. If that is the case she should have the guts and respect to tell you even if it is in an email. Or if she is just not interested she should still tell you!!! I think it is unfair that you are being treated this way!

I think that she needs to at least contact you so you are Not left hanging and you can find closure if there is any closure!

In the mean while... just relax and take a deep breathe. Let her come to you. And know that you are a good person and know that everything happens for a reason. Goodluck

[kere]

Starfly,

 

I have no idea why ur gf hasn't contacted you. I am sure a lot of negative reasons are running around in ur head right now. I don't want to agree with the other posts....only u know what ur relationship was like with this girl......Do u honestly believe that after what seemed like a great time, meeting friends and family she would just drop u without even a dear John letter??????

 

They could be right but what about the possibility of her being unable to access her email or under restriction or something....have u spoken to her family or friends???? ask them if they have heard from her. If yes then it is fair to say she is avoiding you!!!!!!

 

Don't overannalyze the situation. She honestly could just be busy.....

 

Speak to her family or friends, ask them about her and let us know what happens

 

kere

[XSparker]

starfly,

i honestly don't know how much weight my advice will have in your situation, seeing as i'm a straight man, but i do know a few things that i just wanna share with you. i, like you, can appreciate the beauty of a female, and that's no lie. to me, i really and seriously feel so hurt when a beautiful thing isn't appreciated for what it's worth. i don't know exactly what your love-interests' story is, but this logic comes to mind: she's open to same sex relationships and the military doesn't take this into conisderation when they made up the sleeping arrangements. i don't wanna sound like the voice of doom, but it's not too far-fetched. i say there's no reason for you to feel this way, there's NEVER a good reason to feel this way. it hurts like crazy, because it's all so VAGUE and you don't know anything for sure. just do this: do whatever you think AND feel is right, and when you're doing this, don't ever forget to be true to yourself, got it? just take good care.

[starfly82]

I would like to thank you all for your responses and insight. Things that I did not mention is there is an age difference. She is 31 I am 23. She has been In the military for over 10 years. She was also the one that sort of pushed for the long distance relationship. I think at this point I going to have a little hope and a little faith and believe that she for some reason is not able to contact me, which is totally possible given her situation. I really don't believe that she is just going to blow me off with no explaination. I just don't think she would do that to me. So Im going to give it time a month or whatever and just see what happens. Im not ready to abandon all hope and just give it. I think that if she does want to end it then fine. I just want some sort of explaination for some kind of closure.

[starfly82]

well I called her yesterday and her aunt had answered her cell phone which meant that she was home. She was in the shower when I called and told her aunt to tell me that she would call me back. She never did. I left a message on her voice mail. I said that I thought that she was avoiding me and that if she did not want anything to do with me the least she could do was call me and tell me. I also said that if I did not here from her then I would know where she stood and get her "message" loud and clear. She never did call me back. So here I am completely heart broken not knowing what to do with myself. I feel like such a fool. I feel used and cheated. She is such a coward. I guess all I have left to do now is suck it up and move on. Apparently it was not meant to be in the first place. Just thought I would update.

[XSparker]

starfly,

i'm really sorry to hear that. i really feel for you girl. please don't let this get you permanently down. yeah, she's a coward and a lot of other things in my opinion, but you know what? you're none of that. you gave it what you got, right? that means there's nothing bad to be said about you, and that's a good thing. i know you feel bad, and i guess there's probably nothing i can do 'cept say just this: you're a great person and you're gonna make somebody feel really good about themselves someday.

take care, kiddo