Losing faith in love

[ckw626]

Hi all,

 

Its been a few months since I last posted, but unfortunately my love life has simply nosedived into a hopeless mess that has left me in utter despair. I am really hoping I could find some advice on how to get over my current situation.

 

This is how it goes:

 

Last summer, I went through a very tough rejection from a girl that I honestly liked very much. In fact it was the first time I ever asked a girl out. It had to happen right before my high school graduation, and put a very sour note into what could've been one of the most memorable moments of my life. I was completely and totally shattered, and it took great strength for me to even begin to overcome the pain.

 

While I was still emotionally vulnerable, a rather unfortunate coincidence had to occur when my best female friend went through some personal problems of her own and turned to me for support. Naturally, I began to develop some feelings for her, but I realized that in the end our lifestyles were just too different, and I highly doubted that she had anything for me other than as a friend. Not willing to risk losing one of my best friends, I decided to try holding back my feelings, and I can say that have been largely successful at doing that, but nonetheless it has definitely strained my already volatile emotional state.

 

Thats when I met a new girl in university. This girl however, unlike the previous two, shared many common personality traits and interests with me, and we bonded really quickly. Seeing some potential in her, I decided to make a move to get closer, and thats when I found out she already had a boyfriend. I knew it was too good to be true. We've settled and become pretty good friends now, but it really didn't help ease the pain that was already accumulating inside me.

 

Which makes three unsuccessful attempts all in a span of a few months. Talk about a slap in the face from fate. It seems to me that love is completely non-existant, and that I've given up my heart and soul for nothing. My frustration is almost beyond words. Everytime I hear anyone mention something about love or a relationship, I simply want to cover my ears and run away. I've had enough of this. It's really doing nothing but destroying me. I've started to eat less, my sleeping habits have become extremely unhealthy.

 

What can I do to get over this? I've tried spending time out with my friends, and without a doubt it helps. But whenever I'm by myself, the painful thoughts start drifting back. I really want to get these poisonous thoughts out of my system, so that I can put my life back on track again.

[QTpie87]

I can't really help but I do want to wish you good luck and let you know that no matter how bad it seems it will get better someday. whenever you start feeling down, just remember that and the fact that you don't need anyone else in order to be happy. You have to be happy and love yourself before you can have a healthy relationship, and don't look for one, it'll come to you.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[honeyspur]

I know this seems difficult, but you are really experiencing a common outcome from rejection.

 

Something to consider: Do you really want these three women to be in control of you? What I mean is, are you going to let them ruin dating for you? If you wallow in pain from rejection, that is what you're doing. Letting them run things.

The point is, they are just three women (3 WRONG women, I might add) and you are a dynamic, interesting and I suspect, attractive person.

I'm no genius, but I can tell when someone is interesting, funny and open-minded through posts.

So please take my word on this - you are very cool and need to shut out these negative thoughts. The feelings will only start to fade if you stay consistent in that.

 

Don't expect the feelings to go away first.

[Day_Walker]

There are some things you need to realize, rejection isnt as bad as you make it to be, you had 3 attempts in a couple months and you are calling it a slap in the face. It sounds like you are taking things to the extreme. What you need to do is learn how to deal with rejection. It is possible to overcome this but its going to take changing your thoughts and actions. Stop investing so much into females that you are friends with at best. This is why your fall is so hard, your new way of thinking has to be not attaching yourself to these females. Once you can overcome this you will be able to deal with rejection. Its not possible to avoid rejection instead you must learn now to deal with it.

[RayKay]

Well, you need to get through lots of rejection in life, so you need to find a more suitable way to deal with it or overcome it, and not see it as so final.

 

Three rejections in the span of months really is not that bad, though that has more to do with the amount of risk you take as well. Everyone gets rejected at some point, and it not something necessarily against you, it is just you may not fit their ideal, they may be involved already and so on. At least you get rejected before you get too tied into it! It may help also to not build up these relationships in your mind before you really start to feel things out or start dating..

 

Think of it this way, if you are not ever rejected, you may never meet your dream girl

[Chosen_One]

Bro, I feel your pain. I'm currently in a similar situation myself where I'm kinda in the ruts...I've had some bad financial experiences, had to go to the emergency room the other night with no insur.(im ok now), hate my current job, and been rejected more times than I can remember. Also been rejected about 14 times over the course of one year by my current interest of affection. We still talk and hang out casually seems likes she wants to take it sloooow. I think she's been hurt bad in past and is afraid of it happening again. I can tell she likes me but she's is sort of denying it herself. But I don't let that stop me, I just continue living my life for myself. I am not a bad looking guy I acutally get quite a few looks from women I just lack some social skills which make it difficult at times. My point is that even though times are friggin tough and you feel like dog $hit, you just gotta dig deep and keep your head up. You will find love again soon enough but don't go looking for it like you need it. Love yourself first. Develop yourself first. Make good use of your time at university. Girls will sense that you have ambition and direction and will respect you for it.

 

You probably have someone right now at school that's interested in you but your head is hung too low to even realize it. SNAP out of it!

Don't forget your friends and family. Spend time with them as often as your schedule allows.