trust issues lead me to go snooping...

[alpal]

I've been seeing my guy for around 9mths now. To begin with he lived in the same town as I but he works as a contractor and doesn't really have a home base. Recently he went overseas on a work trip and I hadn't seen him for about a month.

The long distance relationship is pretty hard but i'm very independent and the time we get together is great. There are no major problems and sex is consistantly good.

The problem is I met him shortly after a destructive relationship in which I was badly hurt and I guess in an ideal world I would have liked more time to myself to be in a better frame of mind for a new relationship. But

I gave myself the benefit of the doubt and he seemed worth a shot.

 

because of my insecurities and the nature of his work, I worry about him being unfaithful. It's not something that i'm proud of but I went through his rucksac on his return from his last trip and came accross a condom.

We don't use them and I know that the bag was empty before he left so it's not been kicking around in there for ages.

As much as I hate myself and I'm totally ashamed for snooping. I was overcome by a familiar bad feeling that something was wrong and went looking for clues. I got my fingers burnt and I'm in a real dilema now...do I fess up and admit to going through his stuff and confront him about this? or hope for the best that I'm worrying about nothing. Either way I think it's going to drive me nuts.

Would be interested to know a guy's perspective as well as my fellow female friends....

[KeP]

I'm not going to try to instill any false hope here, but a lot of hotels keep condoms 'in stock', so maybe he took it just in case? Just like you would take the shampoo from a hotel shower or something.

[hurtbylove]

Im a guy.

 

There isn't any good reason why a condom should be there.

 

You are wrong for snooping.

 

I would not confront him about this.

 

But be wary about his future behaviors.

 

Keep note of this find in your mind.

 

Continue to search for further clues.

 

This is not the end of the world though

[bobster]

HI there,

 

This is one of those situations.

 

Perhaps he was given it by a workmate?

 

Some guys just like to carry one around with them, that way he could offer it to a friend if he needed it.

 

I certainly wouldn't snoop or admit to it. If you do there is a strong possibility that he will never trust you again.

 

Just keep a close eye on his behaviour in future. Just don't try to think bad of it as it will drive you nuts and it could all be for nothing.

 

Take care.

[Cecelius]

Its simple but not easy: you have to balance out the risk of asking him about it with the risk that it will turn into a trust debate. You should know him well enough to know whether he's going to focus on that.

 

but no, there is no good reason for having the condom, and frankly, I've never been enough of a pal to bother stocking them for a friend.

[alpal]

I think I can see all sides, but I do tend to agree that there is no use for a condom to be there?? Isn't it almost admitting if the opportunity came up that you would be unfaithful...

I have decided to see if I can forget about this and give him the benefit of the doubt.

I know he will be angry that I don't trust him but its a fine line between trust and doubt. I also feel like if the relationship is a strong one then we should be able to talk about our insecurities without the fear that rocking the boat a little will send him packing..

 

There is no question that this is plaguing my thoughts and it might be obvious to him that something is wrong anyway..

thanks for the posts though, it goes a little way to sorting this out for and decided what to do about it.