Me, myself and I - and my issues when it comes to girls

[Ghost Voices]

I searched around and found this forum half an hour ago, and I'm really happy that forums like this excists. I apologize if my english isn't on point, but I will try to formulate myself as understandable as possible. There is a lot of stuff I actually want to write about here, but I don't want to turn this post into a total mess, so I will focus on two specific themes: My love life and my feelings/emotions.

 

I am an 18 year old boy who lives in Norway, and today I want to give you (my fellow human beings who read this) a little insight in my life when it comes to love and feelings. First of all, I concider my self as a good guy. I want the people and friends around me to stay happy, and if I sense that they are not, I will pay attention to them and ask if they want to talk about it. This is just the way I am, and I will try to stay the same. Even despite the fact that I have experienced that I should pay more attention to my own feelings, because I usually forget my own problems and issues in life, because I focus too much on other peoples lives.

I have been dating several girls in my life, but mostly the last two years - I usually end up in the friend zone every time.

 

One more thing I want to add, is that I have big obsession when it comes to days, dates and years. If someone asks me which week date it was at October 17th 2014, I know by myself that, that was a friday. I connect memories, whether they are good or bad, to specific dates. It sounds ridiculous, but that is just a system I have created in my head after overthinking way too much about my past. That is the reason to the title bellow, because letting you know about it means something to me.

 

This was a short introduction, and I will now begin with the case I am dealing with.

 

The girl from September 1th, 2017

 

As a typical teenager I like to hang out with people, and I went to a party last year with some friends from school. It was a big party (about 300 people). I was quite drunk that night, and at a point that night, I met my friend (at my age) hanging out with a girl which was two years younger than us. She was quite cute, but I did not think so much about that back then. I thought they had something ongoing, so I greeted them, but I did not want to interrupt whatever they had ongoing. Before I leaved them, the girl wanted to add me on Snapchat. I was thinking "yeah sure, whatever", so we added each other, before I left them hanging.

 

October 18th, 2017

 

I was living my life as normal, and I had not been thinking about the girl at all. She was one girl out of like 150 others at that party. I received a casual message on Snapchat from her, and we talked for a little. I got to know that she had a boyfriend. That fact + the fact that I barely knew her, made me think that I did not want to use my time talking to her. I acted polite in that conversation, but that was it.

 

December 14th, 2017

 

I received another message from her on Snapchat, and I acted the same way as earlier.

 

May, 2018

 

She began sending me messages on Snapchat weekly, but I did not really care. In Norway we are partying the second last month before we graduate, and I sticked to that - I had other girls I was talking with, and I focused more on spending time with my friends. She kept sending messages sometimes anyway, and in the end of the month she was really on me, despite the fact she had a boyfriend. I was thinking she texted me randomly, and that she wanted a friendship or something, but again - I did not really care.

 

June 1st, 2018

 

At the evening I received another message from her on Snapchat, and she asked me if I could stay awake with her all night. She had just broke up with her boyfriend after their relationship which lasted for a year and a half. I acted polite (again), and talked with her about it.

 

June 2th, 2018 - July 9th, 2018

 

From this point she acted interested and began flirting with me. I thought it was okay, and was thinking about it as a summer flirt. Without going into details, she kept sending me messages, and we speaked with each other in the phone sometimes. Things changed for me, and I started to get interested in her myself. She was really cute, had an admirable personality, and I saw a potential in the relation we had. She told me that she wanted to meet me, and we agreed to hang out at July 10th.

 

July 10th - The "date"

 

I drove 45 minutes from my home to pick her up at her house, and this was the first time we met each other since the party at September 1th, 2017. We hugged each other, before we had a cup of ice tea together at a Cafe. We talked about life and acted the same way upon each other, as we did when talking in the phone. We laughed a lot, and she was in a great mood as always. After that we drove around from place to place, while just talking to each other in the car for a while, before we stopped at a camping place. We were holding each others hands while talking casually, and we ended up holding around each other, before we kissed (details are unecessary, but we did nothing more than just kissing). We were together for about three hours, before I drove her home. I went out of the car kissing her goodbye, and we both agreed that we wanted to meet each other again.

When I came home that evening we chatted, and we both enjoyed it, but instantly she began to talk about feelings and that she did not want to hurt my feelings. It was like she already was considering putting me in the friend zone. I told her not to worry about it, and that we could meet each other again another time soon, and see what we both felt.

 

*the day after I went to Croatia with my family for a week, and I was thinking about her all the time*

 

July 19th, 2018 - I was back at home in Norway

 

I was thinking about her and I wanted to see her again, talking to her about the two of us. She was acting unsure about the whole thing, so I did not want us to talk about it through messages, but in real life. It was difficult to make her come up with a day that she could see me, but we found out that we were going to meet each other again at July, 26th. I drove to her, picked her up, but our date this time was really weird compared to the last one. She barely wanted any body contact (holding hands). Last time she said that she loved holding hands, but this time she said that she did not like it. I respected that, of course - I did not want to push something upon her, so I acted as polite as possible, but it was really strange when the circumstances were that different compared to the last time. We went out of the car walking without walking hands. She laughed a lot this time too, but she acted unsure. We ended up kissing a little, before I drove her back home. I left her house feeling like . I did not blame her for it, of course, but I was feeling that I failed this time too. One hour later, 15 minutes after arriving at my house, she sent me a text message where she explained that she did not want to continue what we had together. I answered that I understood, and I thanked her for the time we had together. I ended up crying in my bathroom for two hours that evening, with the feeling that I was unsuccesful this time too. It is not a good feeling to be put in the friendzone several times, and this time I ended up blaming myself for it all.

 

The time after - and the thoughts...

 

If there is one thing I am really aware of, it is that feelings cannot be forced forward. I do respect her opinion, and I consider her as a great independent girl, that has to make choices which affects her life in the best way. When it comes to my situation, I feel like I have been used. I have no good reason to believe so, but that is the main thought after a girl has contacted you and been into you for a while, and suddenly decides to end what we had. There might be many reasons to why she made that choice. For example:

 

* She might have found out that she did not like me that way.

* She might have found out that she still was struggling with her emotions related to her break up in June.

* She might have been thinking that she wanted to stay single, and live her life not bound to anyone.

 

Whatever it is, I do respect her, even though it hurts.

 

She is still sending me messages on Snap daily, but I do not really feel like talking to her, in regard to myself and my feelings. She has given me hints (and even told me once), that we might pick up the thing we had again later on. Right now was not the time for her. I answer her messages now and then, but I have to take my time and do what I feel is the best to me.

 

 

If someone made it through this wall of text, thank you so much for reading. Just wanted to let someone know about it. I do not expect any feedback, but if you have any thoughts about it - feel free to put them here. I will read every single one of them, and I will appreciate it so much.

 

Hope you are having a great day :)

[DanZee]

Yeah, I think it was too soon for her to date. Also she seems to be one of those free spirits that are naturally chatty, outgoing and uninhibited. I'm sorry she made you cry, but you really only went out with her for two dates. It's best to keep things in perspective.

[Ghost Voices]

Yeah, I think it was too soon for her to date. Also she seems to be one of those free spirits that are naturally chatty, outgoing and uninhibited. I'm sorry she made you cry, but you really only went out with her for two dates. It's best to keep things in perspective.

 

Thank you for replying! I do think so as well. What really made me sad was the fact that I have been put in the friend zone several times by now, but I guess it is supposed to happen before you find someone things work out with.

[HealingLight]

Yeah, this girl seems like she doesn't know what she wants. She likely got involved with you too soon after her ex. Sometimes it can take a while to get over someone you were involved with that long and the thought of dating someone else may have triggered things she didn't expect. I don't think her rejection really has much to do with you, you just happened to be the next guy on her radar. Better to know 2 dates in before you're too invested.

 

I would let her snapchats fall off. No point in being strung along or her backup option in case she gets her stuff together if you already know what you want. This isn't it. She sounds like she's looking for something to ease the breakup and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if she ended back with her ex. Also, I wouldn't be too fond of her trying to cultivate things with you while she was still in a relationship--you can expect if she were dating you she might be trying to line up other guys, too.

 

You sound like a sensitive, nice guy who deserves better than a wishy-washy woman. Good luck.

[Ghost Voices]

I would let her snapchats fall off. No point in being strung along or her backup option in case she gets her stuff together if you already know what you want. This isn't it. She sounds like she's looking for something to ease the breakup and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if she ended back with her ex. Also, I wouldn't be too fond of her trying to cultivate things with you while she was still in a relationship--you can expect if she were dating you she might be trying to line up other guys, too.

 

You sound like a sensitive, nice guy who deserves better than a wishy-washy woman. Good luck.

 

Thank you for replying! You have some good points there, and I do also believe that she might have been getting in contact with me to ease the breakup, even though there might be other reasons. I am not going to wait for her in any way, and I am trying to let the communcation through Snapchat fall off. Something I did not mention in my thread, was that she is still seeing her ex and hanging out with him - even during the times we were talking. They might end up back together as far as I know.

 

Thank you for the kind words at the end. I might be a higly sensitive guy and I wish things weren't that way, and I should not get too invested in a relation after a quite short time like this. Thank you for the good wishes, and I hope you are living a good life.