I don't enjoy sex, now...

[Ravenne]

I am happily married, very happily. My DH and I have been together through everything, and are very much in love and happy. BEFORE I had my two sons (the oldest is 3, the youngest 9 mos) we were very active sexually. Now, I don't even want to be touched.

 

Extra Info:

I have a history of sexual abuse as a child, and as an adult. When I became an adult I "tried everything", and settled down with my DH, and was more than happy to do so!

 

I am still nursing, and have developed a closeness to my second child (I was unable to nurse my first, traumatic birth).

 

I am going to be 30, soon

 

I have some tender scars still from my first child... but, before my second, found positions that didn't hurt.

 

I really don't know what to do... it's causing a little strain on me, since I don't think it's fair for my husband to be abstinent, just because I am. He's very understanding, but, doesn't quite understand what I feel... I really feel alone, and hope I'm not.

[lovelynns]

im sorry for the situation you're in.. but..

if you want your husband to understand you need someone to help him understand why your going through this and how you both can help eachother. Try couples therapy.. sex therapy.

 

it might help.

[Turboz]

You really need to talk with your husband - I mean really talk.

 

Let me guess: You feel alone, isolated, you've got no-one that understands?

 

Then let me tell you something. If your husband loves you the way you say he does, he will understand anything you tell him about your feelings. From what your saying he has some idea already.

 

Please don't keep things from him. Find a time when your both alone and start to talk about it - gently at first until you have the confidence to tell him what you need to say.

 

Remember he's human to!. Imagine if he became impotent and you were sex crazy! - He'd have to talk to you about it at some point - and trust me it's one of the most embarrassing things on earth for a man to admit "I can't do it!"

 

Please talk to your husband - This shouldn't come between you both which is exactly what will happen if you don't talk. You must talk, tell him how you feel, tell him why you feel like that. Tell him about the pain you feel during sex etc.

 

My point is that communication is a 2 way thing. you have to listen aswell as speak. Your husband should listen - even if it takes time to say what you need to say.

 

When I have something personal which I need to tell my g/f i've told her that I need to say something and she listens. Sometimes I sort of have to prepare her for what I want to say by beating around the bush for a while. Eventually I get there and it works. It might take a little time but thats what it's all about!

 

Good luck comrade,

 

-Turboz

[cleverme123]

Maybe you have some fear about getting pregnant again, and not be able to have bonding time with son. You could also be going through post partum depression, which can occur up to a year after birth. Or guilt like you weren't able to get close to your first son like your second.

 

There are a lot of reasons that could be making you feel this way. Tell your husband then maybe try therapy.

[RayKay]

I think you and your husband not only need to talk to one another about this, but you should yourself seek counselling and therapy as well as a doctor - I imagine the sexual abuse as a child combined with the new "mother role" you both have an effect, and don't forget that even your hormones may be playing a role (they may have changed after giving birth, or you may even be suffering some form of post-partum depression).

 

It is good that you are aware of this, and want to change things - so I do hope you do go talk to a therapist/doctor about the possible issues and solutions, and keep open communication with your hubby about what is going on.

[heat]

It may be possible that your children are reminding you of the molestation. Like you said the feeling didnt surface until you had your own children. Get therapy to help you deal with the past sexual abuse, the child in you needs to heal. Find a baby sitter. Find a nice budget hotel 0r an 4 star if you can afford it(leave the home and its reminders of children)When you get to the hotel go for a swim, allow hubby to give you a bath or wash your hair, while sipping wine. Then let him apply lotion to your body and work your way SLOWLY up to sex. Discuss the events of the molestation with your husband so that he wont do things that will trigger bad memories until you have them resolved.

[Day_Walker]

After the birth of a child women typically get turned off from sex, I have heard this being the case for atleast a year and even longer. Since this seems to be your problem, I would say that you need to get help for both of these issues. You have mentioned that you have been abused because that wasnt a problem with your sex life before the children, it seems that the birth of your children (specifically a difficult birth) has effected your mental state where you dont want to be a part of sex because you associate sex with the pain/suffering of the birth. You should consult a therapist and solve this problem. There are also other ways to please your husband sexually besides intercourse.