Was I taken advantage of?

[clippyhanger]

My first relationship started when I was 17, and my partner was my 32 year old married boss. I know this is already sounding bad, but I'm sure it'll get worse.

 

We had been very close before we started the relationship, we went on company trips together, hung out outside of work, called each other, etc.

 

When we started the relationship, things went relatively slow. we continued doing mostly "friend stuff" but with fooling around thrown in too. He was constantly telling me how beautiful I was, and how he trusted me more than anyone in the world, and how he could tell me anything. He told me stories about his wife- the typical "my wife is horrible" stories that every married man tells his mistress- and I soon fell in love with him.

 

Almost a year later, we decided to have sex (Not something I like to admit). Soon after, of course, he broke up with me (using the most inventive break-up line I've heard- but that's another story for another time) and I was fired (by another boss, not him).

 

I think I want to hear that he took advantage of my age and the fact that I had never had a relationship prior to this one so I don't feel as bad about the whole situation, but- in all honesty- could anyone construe this as he used his power and / or age to take advantage of me?

[DN]

Yes, without question. In the first place because of the age differential and secondly because of the power differential. He is very lucky you didn't file a complaint against him.

 

But now it is over, it would be dangerous to continue to look upon yourself as a victim as that will not help you in future relationships. Better to view it as a hard lesson learned on the road to full maturity, and vow in future to be a little less trusting before giving your heart to someone. That does not mean become bitter or cynical - just a little more guarded.

[clippyhanger]

yeah, I'm getting over it (slowly, but surely), but I just wanted.. I don't know- reassurance that I was only PARTIALLY in the wrong.

Thank you.

[DN]

The thing you did wrong was to have an affair with a married man - but your age at the time was a major factor in that. I bet you won't do that again. Clear your conscience - you will be fine.

 

Good luck in finding a good man - there are plenty out there.

[HeavenLee]

The good thing to have come out of this is that you have learned many lessons... the hard way, yes... but they will be beneficial for you in life.

 

Yes, you did do the wrong thing in engaging in an affair with a married man. Your judgement will be better next time though. We all learn through our mistakes. I've been there too many years ago... not with a married man, but one who was close to it. And I learned that hard way too. I look back now and cringe at how I could have fallen for it... but the only reason is because I learnt my lesson. So I'm grateful that I have the rationality and perspective now to be able to cringe about it!!!

 

I think he definitely took advantage of your age and naivety. Being young and inexperienced of course you would be more likely to fall for his BS stories. He sounds like a seasoned player, and I'm sorry for his wife (if she doesn't know of course).

 

Look at it as a life lessoned learned. Some hurt feelings, but learning them now could have saved you for much more heartbreak later on down the track in life. Move on to bigger and better things now.

[sisterlynch]

I am really sorry that this had to happen. He sounds like a class A jerk.

 

Why do you think it happened the way that it did? Don't blame all men on this one guys actions, that would be a mistake.

 

How do people feel about the fact that he broke it off, then allowed her to be fired? Pretty weird timing, huh?

 

I am sorry for him and his wife, I hope that she is aware of his business lunches!!

[HeavenLee]

How do people feel about the fact that he broke it off, then allowed her to be fired? Pretty weird timing, huh?

 

Yes, I would say very "coincidental", and yet so convenient for him. Ugh, he makes me sick that he got out of it the easy way. What a coward. He may not have actually fired her, but I bet he didn't put up any kind of fight whatsoever... And sisterlynch is right, not all men are this scummy, so don't become bitter.

[nexus532]

well, first of all if someone mentions "trust" and hes cheating on their wife or husband, generally you should not trust them. Anyway sorry for what happened to you. I think you can take legal action about getting fired, after all if you can present realitive info about what happened between you and him and the time you where fired you got your self a case. I hope you love live will only prosper after this inncident, you have to take this as a stepping stone, find yourself a man that you know truly loves you. Good luck!!

[DN]

You may be able to take legal action about being fired but be careful if you do. You would probably win the lawsuit providing you can prove that the reason you got fired was because of the affair. Proving it may be difficult.

 

Should you win you need to balance any gain against the strain of going through a public lawsuit, and any possible negative impact on your future career. It may be best to accept an offer to settle if one is made. If you decide to proceed make sure you get a lawyer who has your long-term interests fully at heart and is not looking beyond a percentage.

[clippyhanger]

thank you all for your support.

 

About the legal issue, I would never be able to press charges. First off, I'm certainly not proud of what I've done so I don't really want more people knowing than aleady do.

Secondly, and I know already this is going to sound weak and stupid, but I don't want him to get in trouble. I was a minor when the relationship started, plus I don't want his wife finding out and leaving him. I don't want his kids to grow up without a dad. I know this is something we both should have talked and thought about before we started a relationship, but.. I don't know..

 

I'm expecting a lot of eye rolling with that, but it's an honest issue I have, no matter how stupid it may seem.

[DN]

It's your decision to make and if the reasons are valid to you that's good enough.

[nexus532]

indeed these decisions are yours, but everyone will have to live with thoes in thier minds everyday. Depending on your faith in "God" you all best get this out and ask for forgiveness.

 

Um also his WIFE has a right to know, its part of her life to. Don't be so selfish about feelings.

[sisterlynch]

What are you up to?

 

Cippy, You have a right to your own feelings. You don't have to hurt others, because you have made a mistake. Learn from the mistake, and move on, that is the only thing that you can do...

[Hope75]

clippy,

 

I think you made a bad judgement call and that you are pretty embarrased about it, and have learned from this and won't let something like that happen again.

 

He definitely abused his age and position of power over you, but you also played a part, you should have known better.

 

I honestly think that you do now though, and you have the right to wipe your slate clean and go on not feeling guilty. You can rest assured that you won't be the last girl he takes advantage of and sooner or later his "horrible" wife will find out about it, and justice will serve itself.

 

Good luck!