Question...

[UGH1607307217]

I have to admit, Im being a little selfish tonight...I usually read the posts and try to give my own advice when I can, but tonight I just have to ask my own question...

 

Why is it that the ex...in my case the ex that cheated and found himself in another relationship (after telling me and I believed that he didnt want a relationship with anyone, but couldnt end ours before starting a new one with her)...only remembers the bad times of the relationship? While I only remember the good times?

[DN]

Because he feels guilty about breaking up with you and needs constant validation in his own mind that he was right in breaking up - it is a form of blaming you for the break-up.

 

You only remember the good times because you miss him. When you start to remember the bad times as much it will mean you are getting over him - and the sooner that happens the better for you, because not long after that you will remember less and less about any times. When you find someone who loves you as you do him, the ex won't matter anyway.

[Hope75]

I agree with DN, when I went through a difficult breakup about 5 years ago I was still very much in love with my ex, even though I ended the relationship. I put him on this pedestal and didn't even feel any anger towards him for lying to me and falling for someone else. For the longest time I kept him on this pedestal and finally one day I got mad, really mad at him for hurting me. After feeling angry for awhile I gradually started to feel nothing towards him, and that's when I knew I was getting over him.

 

Right now you are blinded by your feelings for him, but gradually you will accept that he hurt you and remember that he was not so perfect, and when you begin to feel nothing you will know that you are getting over him.

 

Hang in there.

[brando]

I've read somewhere that when a person is ending a relationship they are letting all negativity rule their minds. Good times bad times it does not matter. I remember both and i can only forgive myself and my ex for not having the skills we needed to maintain our relationship.

 

Another thing i finally learned was that when being DUMPED the important thing to understand is how the dumper feels. If they don't feel any love or in love with the dumpee, then the dumpee is waisting time telling the dumper they still love them.

 

basically to be blunt, it does not matter what you want or what you think, your ex feels differently than you do, and that is why he broke it off with you.

 

Somebody a friend of mine told me this and it annoyed the hell out of me.

 

Just remember:

 

it does not matter what you want, it is what he wants.

 

He is making a decision in his own best interest, regardless of what you think about it.

 

I've been where you are now, and it will take sometime to start accepting, the sooner the better for you, but all you are left with is time.

 

Do NC look at yourself, take a long hard look at yourself. look at your relationship and try to see what went wrong, what part you played and why, no this will not bring him back, and im not saying he is or isnt, but it will give you a clear understanding of yourself, and eventually aid you in future relationships.

 

hope this helps.

 

Be well.

[sisterlynch]

I would try and balance the feelings of good and bad. You really shouldn't be remembering the good times only, you will cling to the memories, and you will never feel like he did you wrong, so you will always keep him close. This will not do with an ex, since he may use it to try to manipulate you into doing something with him. I would recommend no contact on this one.