what to say to my ex tonight..

[thefields]

I called her at work today..just to see how she is doing, and the only thing i could really think up is "hey hows work?" ..."whats going on?".

 

The whole friend thing is really hard for me to do with my ex..im so used to talk to her more of a wife than a buddy...and I called after she told to call her back because she was busy with a costumer. I didnt say much,just hoped she was doing well and what not. So she had to go agian, called me back, told her ill call her once im back from the store. Called her, told her just wanted to tell her to have a good day..but I was so nervous with nothing "friendly" to say..i said "have a good day" like 6 times and shes like "you know you said that like 5 times now?". It was dam embarrassing and she will probably not want to call anymore.

 

But heres the whole point. Tonight, ive decided, if I have enough courage, to call her and ask her if she wants me calling anymore. Im going to tell her its not easy for me playing the role as a friend.

 

Im not even sure if I should call her back and inform her if i can call later tonight and have a "talk" with her, or just call later tonight w/o her notice.

 

Just really confused about the situation..shes probably going to not want to talk to me anymore, but I guess what she would really want is me saying what i really feel inside. Very confused as of right now though.

[Hope75]

Can I get a little more information? Were/ are you married? How long have you been separated? Who initiated the seperation?

 

Is she seeing anyone new?

[DN]

I scanned some of your other posts and have to tell you that you should not be talking to her at all. It seems she has moved on and you have not. Until you stop calling her or taking her calls you will not be able to move on past this relationship and form a healthy one with someone who will love you as much as you do her.

 

Time for summoning all your will-power to go no contact and start to heal.

[thefields]

Hey hope,I have a post about our conversation last week and a post in "getting back together" if you want to hear the whole story. We werent married but engaged for more than a year, we were together for 2 years and have been broken up since early january. She split up with me because she "wanted some time apart"..but after no contact for 3 months, she should an old ex to date. So she does have a boyfriend. I call once a week just to see how she is doing, she is busy at work but doesnt mind the calls, she will call back if she had to go. But yes, i want to say that to her tonight..but not sure how she will take it. It IS for my self, and after this talk we will have tonight *if we do*, i will leave her alone and let her be.

[Hope75]

Hi,

 

I just finished reading your past posts. I am sorry but I have to agree with DN in that if you keep in contact with her you are only hindering your ability to recover from your breakup and move on with your life.

 

She has moved on, she is dating someone else now. It is not fair for her to expect you to continue to call her on a regular basis, knowing how you are hurting and still carrying a torch for her, and knowing that she does not carry one for you.

 

It is pretty clear at this point she isn't interested in the same type of relationship that you are interested in with her, so why torture yourself? You are not getting what you want out of this and it's pretty clear that you are hurting badly and acting out of longing and wanting her back. (don't take this the wrong way, I've been where you are and done what you've done with the same intent, and it got me nowhere).

 

I hope for your sake that you can be strong and just let her know that you cannot do the "friends" thing because you still care, and that she will just have to understand that.

 

Good Luck!

[thefields]

yes I completely understand. Tonight, im going to call her one last time, to get off my chest, that i cant do the friend thing. A role of me playing a friend with her..just drives me to keep wanting her back, and I cant live with that for the rest of my life. So, im pretty much saying "I cant be friends with you, it hurts to bad..maybe it would be best not to talk anymore."

 

Thanks alot for your support

[Hope75]

Hey fields,

 

I wish you luck with your call tonight.

 

I just wouldn't want to see you go on for months and months hoping for the slightest glimmer that she might want you back and analyzing every little thing she says for things that might indicate the same, things that probably aren't there. I've done it, and it's enough to make you mad.

 

Hopefully you will get your point accross to her and be able to finally move on yourself.

[thefields]

Doing this will slowly make my inner self heal, and I can get on with what i was doing, rather than hold me back. I have a band, ever since this has happened, it seems i couldnt play as well..or if we were tracking a song, i would mess up at the moment of truth. It also hurts me how, my band mates has so much talent, and its wasting because of my sorrow...so doing this will be better for me and the people that *in some way* depend on me..such as musicly ^^. thanks for the support everyone. I guess its taking me to dragging my face RIGHT on the surface of the truth to realize what i have to do..and now i realize it.