One year post break-up - review?

[lilymelrosa]

Yesterday was the my break-up's first "anniversary". It's been quite a ride, full of ups and downs. My ex and I (21 and 20 yrs old) dated for almost three years and I can say we had a happy relationship, overall. We loved each other but we had some growing up to do. Both of us did things that weren't right and he ended up taking the first step on breaking up (I knew we had issues but I didn't want to breakup). The year went something like this:

 

- I think he didn't mean to but, many times, he didn't think much of my well-being (kept talking to me and throwing me breadcrumbs over and over for ages, kissed me post-breakup even though he knew I had feelings for him and he didn't want to get back together, etc). I also didn't think properly on my own well-being, letting him to that, but my heart was shattered and I didn't know how to proceed (it was my first real relationship).

- Eventually, 3 months post breakup, we went NC for weeks in a row that were interrupted only by him popping up sometimes, with a little friendly text message here and there, giving me hopes and I, being the sad dumpee, getting hopeful until he didn't contact me again for weeks.

- I entered a stage of desperately wanting him back and trying to talk to him once or twice, not being very successful. Then he would come up again weeks later, once I thought I made a mistake in contacting him in the first place.

- I got to a stage of feeling so angry at him for everything that I showed it in my replies once he came up once again.

- After that, time passed. We stood NC for longer and longer.

- 5 months post breakup, I finally unfollowed/unfriended him on all kinds of social media and decided that was enough. I started using a dating app just to pass time. I started seeing a therapist and working on myself and my goals. I met someone. I was starting to feel happier and happier and the thoughts about the breakup were vanishing slowly (even though there was always a small thought on the back of my mind). I was even able to tell my ex I did not want to talk to him, finally.

- Eventually, things stopped working out with this new guy (in late march 2018) and he wasn't able to end things decently (instead of just telling me he didn't want it anymore, he ghosted me which made me feel kind of worthless to him). It did dissapoint me but it was not like it broke my heart or something. It just made me start thinking about how I might have made my ex feel sometimes in our past (not on purpose, of course, and not on anything related to ghosting or something) and it gave me some perspective on past events. However, I wasn't thinking about contacting him whatsoever.

- Fast forward a week or so (to early april), and my bday came up. I didn't think my ex was going to message me but he did. He wished me a happy bday, sent me some photos I had never seen of my birthday the year before, said he loved me as a person and thought it was time to make peace and be friends if i agreed with it. Even suggested us meeting up sometime to catch up.

 

Sadly, I don't think this story has the ending we all wanted at some point in a breakup of "and now we are back together". To be honest, I don't know at what point I am, right now. I ended up noticing that I am still into my ex. This last contact made me realize that I wanted it to mean something more than what he said, so it's safe to say I haven't forgot him as much as I once thought. However, I am finally in a different stage of healing. Instead of being super bitter about everything, I finally can see the good and the bad of our story. I haven't cried about this in a long time, which makes me think that maybe pain was replaced for something else. I thought, one year after breaking up, I would be fully recovered. But I guess different people have different timings and that's okay. I feel like, no matter what my feelings are, I am a better person than I was, I grew up a lot and I am much more self-aware than before. I surely hope my feelings vanish soon tho, lol

[Carus]

That was a lovely post Lily*

- I think he didn't mean to but, many times, he didn't think much of my well-being (kept talking to me and throwing me breadcrumbs over and over for ages, kissed me post-breakup even though he knew I had feelings for him and he didn't want to get back together, etc). I also didn't think properly on my own well-being, letting him to that, but my heart was shattered and I didn't know how to proceed (it was my first real relationship).

- Eventually, 3 months post breakup, we went NC for weeks in a row that were interrupted only by him popping up sometimes, with a little friendly text message here and there, giving me hopes and I, being the sad dumpee, getting hopeful until he didn't contact me again for weeks.

- I entered a stage of desperately wanting him back and trying to talk to him once or twice, not being very successful. Then he would come up again weeks later, once I thought I made a mistake in contacting him in the first place.

- I got to a stage of feeling so angry at him for everything that I showed it in my replies once he came up once again.

- After that, time passed. We stood NC for longer and longer.

Every situation is unique but this^^ is EXACTLY, word for painful word, how it's gone down for me....(it wasn't my first relationship but it was my one and only marriage)...

 

We hang onto Hope....They wean themselves off.

 

As to your timeline, I am 6 months out from D-Day but only 4 days out from the latest breadcrumb.....I'm starting to have good moments in the day now rather than the crushing 24hr pain that was....But it's going to take me a while yet and I have to accept that....Fighting against it just seems to make it worse....

 

It's taken me this long to finally realize that her breadcrumbs are not about getting back together so I will treat them differently from now on if any more ever come...

 

Breadcrumbs and Hope can really delay our healing I feel....

 

Thanks for sharing*

 

Carus*