Building Resiliance

[cladding]

So.. who has tips for this?

 

I'm in a situation at the moment where I've started a new role in work, which is going well, but I am overwhelmed at times with the step up of work involved...

 

I live in another country away from usual friends and family, with no social network here ..

 

I'm here with my gf who I havent' been getting along with the past couple of months.. So resiliance wise, I'm almost running on empty ...

 

There's been points where I've almost moved out, just picked up everything and left or just went to bed and wanted to sleep for days ...

 

Picking the above apart, the new role was my own choice, and I enjoy a lot of it, but it is much more work than the previous role, but I'm still finding my feet so thats where all the stress is coming from ...

 

The no social network part I've been dealing with for over 3 years, but when I feel down it hits hard, usually I'm OK with it, although a friend or two would be nice..

 

Gf part, we've been going through a bad patch, nothing that isn't fixable, but with all three at once I feel like I'm drowning at times, and she isn't available due to us fighting etc... to be my usual crutch ...

 

So where to go with this, how do I be more self reliant, and pull myself out of this rut ...?

[DanZee]

You've been where you are for 3 years and you haven't made any friends? What about people at work? Do you talk to anyone? Do you go out after work for drinks? Have you joined any clubs? You've had plenty of time to build a social network. Some of my best friends came from work.

 

You don't give any details about your relationship, but arguments are about control, one partner trying to make the other partner do something they don't want to do. What is it that either you or your girlfriend are trying to make the other do? Go back home? Stop drinking? If you want to talk about it, the people here are good at giving advice.

[cladding]

yeah, bad I know ... That's something I'm working on.... It was a combination of things, smaller salary when I first moved over so I couldn't really afford to do much activities, then I moved into a field role with work, which had me away from home 5 days a week for nearly two years.. now I'm in this new role and I'm starting from scratch, but now have more time to join clubs etc... I did have friends in work, mainly in that field section though, so they wouldn't be around much.

 

It's mostly that we're stubborn, so when arguments happen they can be explosive, but it's happening a little more often lately, which is getting me down... it's both sides, maily about how we treat each other/ talk to each other... Respect I suppose... they actually aren't too big of issues, but the explode into bigger things because of our stubborness.. I did really try to let things go on my end, but then there are times I feel I should fight my corner, and it exacerbates.. but it's not just me, my gf can also be the same... I don't really want to go home, it's more the situation I was going to get away from... Drinking can be a factor, but not excessiveness or anything, it's more that stuff comes up if we go drinking and can turn into a fight... I have pulled back on drinking massively, because my gf can be reall nasty sometimes when we fight when we have been drinking... but that is digressing slightly, as we haven't been drinking much at all the last two months and the situation remains ....

 

(for the record, this paints a skewed light on her and drinking.... it was just to highlight in regards tot he question asked, we fight no more than usual compared to a lot of couples I know, the fights just seem to me, to be a bit more explosive, but that's because of our stubborness... and obviously that's even more so when alcohol is involved, we've probably only been out drinking 3 times in the last 2.5 months)

 

anyway, back to the original question... I usually brush this stuff off usually, but I'm just having a real hard time of it lately, hence the question of resiliance.