How long do you spend together???

[guapa]

Hi-

 

I just want to survey how much people spend with their partner. Please include how long you've been together and if you live together or not and if it's always been that way or it changed?

 

I'm just trying to get an idea of a "normal" or average amount of time people spend together that are dating, since I feel that perhaps my boyfriend and I spend a disporportionate amount of time together...

 

Thank you...

[RayKay]

Hi-

 

I just want to survey how much people spend with their partner. Please include how long you've been together and if you live together or not and if it's always been that way or it changed?

 

I'm just trying to get an idea of a "normal" or average amount of time people spend together that are dating, since I feel that perhaps my boyfriend and I spend a disporportionate amount of time together...

 

Thank you...

 

Well, it will always vary from couple to couple depending on their other hobbies, their jobs/school, and how much individual time the need so you will get many varied responses.

 

I live with my partner, so we spend some time together everyday minus if he is away for work. We do things apart from one another as well, as well as together. We have been together for 6 months (living together for 3 of them).

 

We are both athletic so often train together on the bikes, or at the gym for example in mornings and after work and on weekends. Weekends we usually spend most of it together both going out, having date nights, going away for races/weekends away and doing training and errands together as well. We make sure to spend time just talking, cuddling, or going for dinner/classic dates as well to ensure we keep the romance alive as well.

 

But we also both train for other things that the other does not, and have other groups of friends where we spend time with apart from one another. That independent time is important too to have in a relationship - never forget you are two people! However we do love being together so try to be a lot of the time.

 

1+1 does not equal 2 in a relationship, it equals 1 (you) + 1 (them) + 1 (relationship together).

[SilverManic]

I spend most mornings and evenings at my boyfriends house. We don't live together but I spend a lot of time there. Sometimes I need to go home so I can spend time on myself but it is difficalt sometimes. I spend at least 2 days at home in a week. I think I spend too much time with him but he is happy the way it is.

I think what it really is, is the circumstances. If I lived with my boyfriend and had my things to do there it wouldn't be so bad. But I need to wash my clothes, check my emails, do my house work and these are things I can't do when I am at his house.

We've been very close friends for 2 years and have been going out for 2 months. I'd say the relationship is going well. But I think he needs to understand that I need to do things at home as well as see him.

~S.

[Rainy]

I am in a long distace relationship, its very hard as we only see each other once a month for maybe a weekend or on the hoildays for a week, the longest time we have spent together is a week and a half, being so far away it makes our time all the more special,

 

I am moving to be with him and i only have 10 weeks to wait,

[providentielle]

Every relationship is different so I dont think there is a "normal" amount of time to spend together. Relationships also go through phases so what is normal one month may be different from another month and you may spend more or less time together as a relationship progresses. I lived an hour away from my boyfriend and we spent pretty much all our time together when I wasn't working but now we are in a ldr (since feb) and haven't seen each other for weeks. We have been going out for 3 and a half years though and have spoken on the phone EVERY DAY for over 3 years, even when we are in different countries. So everyone is different, dont worry too much about it, just do what feels right.

[lovelynns]

Guapa,

 

There is not really a "normal" amount of time.

 

Perhaps you can let us know why you think you are spending too much time together.

[guapa]

Hmm...

I guess I'm just wondering what most people do and I'm just curious about people's feelings on space and how much people typically prefer or like to spend with their partner.

Sometimes maybe I just think we spend a lot of time together, just him and I kickin' it. This last weekend we were only apart for a couple of hours! I LOVE being with him, so that's part of it, it's really fun and comfortable and all that, especially lately, that's probably why we've been spending so much time together...

But also, I like to have my own space to get things done and I feel a lot of nervous, productive energy so I like to have time apart just for that reason. But maybe it's also because I don't feel so much of a need to be with a partner really frequently and I'm just curious about what other people's feelings are on that... Yeah, I guess there is no "right" or normal answer, per say... but I'm curious nonetheless... I guess, partly I worry about it also, because the more time you spend with one person, the more "dependent" on them you can be, no? Don't you think?

[lovelynns]

If I could re-write what you said the way I'm hearing it, it would go something like this:

 

"I love spending time with my boyfriend, but sometimes I want to go out on my own and do my own thing. As much as I enjoy my time with him I don't feel overly dependant on him and it seems he's more attached to me.

 

I feel guilty sometimes because I would prefer to be on my own. Is that bad?"

 

Does that sound right?

[guapa]

... maybe...

 

But I also think that part of it is the push and pull dance of relationships. If one person is really into it and wants to hang out all the time, then the other person can feel smothered, but then if that same person withdraws, then the other person might want to hang out more than before...

 

no?

 

I mean... I'm just curious about what people do, primarily because I don't know many people in relationships... and also because I tend to be a more driven person, maybe even the type that would be fine being single for life if it weren't that draw for love and companionship. Does that sound like a contradiction?

 

But YES: the push and pull dance....

 

that is what it seems to be about; if he doesn't email or call me I wonder why, but if he calls and emails excessively then I feel a bit overwhelmed. NOT too much though, because I know it's all Love. It's kind of funny, though, cause sometimes I do the same thing as him...

 

Also, maybe it is because he asked me to move in with him (I'll have my own room!) and then we've been hanging out and sometimes I like the time apart just for myself and so I... I guess I also want to know that I will have that time to myself that I value a lot... I'm positive if I talked to him, he would be receptive to giving me space, he is very respectful that way.

[lovelynns]

Ultimately, if you were to drop this "survey" thing and ask a question, what would it be?

 

Clearly you're intending to draw the survey data into your own situation and decide about.. something.

 

The reason I ask this is that it's impossible to compare relationships like you're trying to do.

 

If you're trying to ask if the way you feel is ok, or the way your partner feels is ok, or whatever, then just ask.

[guapa]

Yeah. I guess you have a good point, though I don't think it should be necessary to have to have someone else validate if feelings are o.k. or not. I think it's always nice, though, to hear that someone else has felt the same way and perhaps you aren't alone in your feelings. But I guess I still don't think it's that bad to compare relationships in that way, it's interesting to me, though it might not be totally helpful...

 

I think that I just have to say no when I need to or want to say no... I'm sure that he would. I don't know why I have a hard time doing so...

[GEMMACHURCH]

i have been with my boyfriend for over a year. since the day we have started going out, there has not been one day that i have not seen him. i see him every evening after work and all weekened. he often sleeps over my house. he lives round the corner which is why this is so convienient.

 

i often think we spend too much time together but i miss him so much when he is not there and i know he feels the same. we often go out in a big crowd to socialise.

but i do think we both should be more indepentant but its hard to change now!!!!!

[lovelynns]

I think that I just have to say no when I need to or want to say no... I'm sure that he would. I don't know why I have a hard time doing so...

Explain this a little more? I'm having a hard time understanding what you're trying to say.

[guapa]

Oh... i didn't word that exactly right... what I was saying is that if I don't want to hang out some night then I could easily say no and he wouldn't mind or be hurt or anything. He just wants to hang out and if I don't want to then he'd carry out doing what he does...

 

I can't really say what question I would ask if I was to ask a question really... Maybe what I'm really getting at is how much do people "sacrifice" of themselves for a relationship? I know sacrifice sounds harsh, but really... when you're in a relationship you spend a lot of time compromising and doing things that maybe you might not choose to do if you were alone, or if you weren't in a relationship you could be more "productive" and get lots more done, you know? So maybe for me it's just that I tend to have a drive to get things done and sometimes I just feel stagnat not doing productive thiings... But again, that question is the same, depends on the person and what they want and there is no "right" answer per say... Each person must find that out...

 

But I think this question comes from the fact that I tend to be driven and spend lots of time studying and i want to do a lot of proactive stuff in my life... like starting a clinic some day... and so then maybe I kind of feel like a relationship would get in the way of that, you know? Like I might just end up having babies and being a housewife.

 

I think that's my fear. But then, it doesn't sound that bad in itself (the babies part anyways - I'd at least like to have one some day). But I just worry because I started dating him shortly before my plans for graduate school fell through and now all my decisions about my future are sort of tentative and I feel like in a year I might want to move states or something and he already said he doesn't want to go to those cities I want to go to (though he could change his mind, knowing him)... He told me after I was rejected that he assumed that if I was accepted that our relationship would naturally deteriorate for lack of time to be together... So... that's kind of off topic, but still related in a way; I have anxiety because I want to accomplish something and maybe I feel like I spend a lot of time not getting those things done. Not that he forces me, I want to hang out with him, I just can't seem to find a balance... And I think that I might even have super low expectations on how frequently people should hang out in a relationship to make it work... And I kind of feel like if I did study the way I like too that maybe I wouldn't have the time for him that he wants...