year and 8 months since break up now still confused with ex

[h_b_k_02]

Ok, well don't answer. If you speak with her tomorrow or whenever, tell her you had plans. I think you are at hard-to-get stage now, she has slept with you so maybe now it is time to see how much further she wishes to pursue you.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Exactly what you said.. see how much she wants to pursue it..

I'll see what happens

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Like I said earlier.. she's not reliable..

When I declined the invite from her for lunch she said she'd call me tonight at 9pm...well.she hasn't called...lol..no surprise though..

She'll call either tomorrow or Sundayh I bet..I won't answer though..

[bubbamackdaddy69]

...

[bubbamackdaddy69]

...

[h_b_k_02]

...???

 

Still no call?

 

Isn't it better than seeing her and having mixed feelings or not knowing what is going thru her head, analyzing everything she says and does?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Actually she did call me Saturday but didn't answer.. She called me though from her parents house yesterday and invited herself over.. We watched trailer park boys made out and I gave her oral sex and then she left..gave a kiss good night and she was off ...

[h_b_k_02]

LOL, Trailer Boys is the best show on television.

 

So...what's the deal, still in limbo?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Trailer Park boys is awesome..never miss a show..lol..

the deal is...I'm still in limbo kind of... my fault though..Haven't told her my true feelings... so far just acting like we are just newly dating..

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Well it's me again.. with this whole saga..

I kinda put myself in a hole today..well not really but kind of..I asked her today as a joke if she wanted to go to Montreal with me on Saturday for dinner and to hang out which is a 2 hour drive from me.(I live in Ottawa) and she said yes and thanks.

She called me tonight after her softball game and we talked for about an hour and she mentioned again about me taking her away this week-end and I said sure if you still wanna go. She was asking if we were only staying the day or not and we'll decide when we get there. Thing is...should have I put myself in this stupid situation? I feel like I should be telling her how I feel about her but can't seem to do it just yet. She doesn't make it any easier as well as we were talking she mentioned that she was "Single" and she doesn't need to buy a big car, blah blah (We were talking her buying a new car by the way) but the way she said it seemed that she was still looking for the certain guy..but not me... maybe I'm just trippin' though too...lol...

I've done the no contact really well at first when we broke up and feel like I should now for some reason or just send her an e-mail saying that as much as I like her company I can't keep this going on..meaning hanging out with an ex and having occasional sex without commitment.. I'm just not into that right now.. sheesh..I sound like a woman there..sorry to sound so stereotypical there..lol...

Should I proceed with the week-end thing or do NC or send that e-mail to her telling her how I feel..Even though that opens up my feelings but I know that if she doesn't understand and feel the same I know I can just move on ?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Well another little update on the situation.

I asked her if she wanted to go to Montreal with me Saturday and she said yes . I e-mailed her last night asking if she wanted to stay for just the day or get a room ans stay the night. She replied this morning by saying...

morning, hey i just got your email, well im still up for montreal and i

was thinking maybe we should stay overnight, only because by the time we

get there, it will be around supper anyways so lets make a weekend out

of it. anyways have a great day. talk to you later .

by her response not sure if she really wanted to stay the night with me or for just convenience.

She called me last night around 9pm even before she got the e-mail and we chatted for about an hour ?

Should I still go on with this or not ?

[h_b_k_02]

I don't know man. Hard to tell if you're being strung along or not. Difficult situation to handle.

 

I would say that if you are prepared for the rejection if it does occur (and you would have to eventually), then you have to tell her. No sense in dragging this out longer, having your feelings become ever stronger for her and then having her once again begin dating someone else. Your choice of course, but in the end if you really develop extremely strong feelings for her again you may end up back at square 1.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I know hbk...

I putting myself in a tough situation for sure.. We'll go this week-end spend the night together and see what happens.. And afterwards ..I keep saying this but gotta do it is that I gotta really find out what's going on ? Like seriously..who sleeps and hangs out with their ex gf and spends the week-end away with them..sheesh.. but of course I like to confuse things and make things difficult..lol..

I really wonder what she's thinking?

Any women here can help me ?lol

[shockeddismayed]

bubba,

 

I would like to catch up on the whole situation... I think I read the whole page... which freaked me out for a strange reason (tell you later)... anyway, I haven't read the rest, so I can't comment intelligently... except to say this.

 

A woman you are attracted to wants to go to MONTREAL (one of the most romantic, if not THE most romantic city in North America) for the weekend. You ask her repeatedly if she still wants to go (needy-alert by the way) and she repeatedly says yes. SHE suggests "playing it by ear" about staying over... you don't take the bait. Then she comes right out and says she wants to stay over.

 

Call me crazy, but I think you are going to get lucky this weekend.

 

Haha... just injecting some levity for the situation. I know this is tough on you... you are so close to the situation.

 

But since you are a master of Zen, try this Jedi mind trick: It is actually HER who wants you back... but she's afraid. You are going to be flirtatious and not make this easy on her. You are going to play hard to get... because you are worth it. She is going to have to come out and say what she wants.... and if it comes time for things to start getting intimate, you are only going to let it happen IF you want to, cuz she's attractive... and you'll decide whether you want her back later. First she had to make it up to you.

 

Take this untouchable attitude... the attitude that says she is CRAZY if she doesn't want you long-term. LIVE THAT ATTITUDE

 

You may just invent your own reality.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks for the reply shocked&dismayed...

Thing is that she's a hard person to read at times..Yeah my friends do call me the Zen Master..lol..which I usually have control over..

I've only asked her twice of she wanted to go but I do agree it sounded a little needy and as for getting lucky this week-end I'm sure I'll have no problem at all..We've already been intimate 3 times since we started hanging out again 3 weeks ago and she's the one that initiates it all the time..She always intiated it years ago as well when we were a serious couple.

I knew she wanted to stay the night there as well but I like to hear her say it as well so that's why I put it all on her really..lolmake her call the shots and effort into it. I know she was into it today as well because she sent me an e-mail saying she found a nice hotel that we can book on the internet but I already found one by that point.

I'm just being cautious I guess because I do have feeling for her still and I'm being stubborn because If she still have feelings for me I want her to come out and say it first as I'm afraid of the rejection If I say it first and it's not the outcome I want. Just because the fact that the initial break up was mutual at first but I was the one soon after that wanted to get back and she didn't at that point because she met someone else soon after and maybe because she just didn't want to try again..She said she was getting sick of trying at that point of which I don't blame her because I was selfish at that point and didn't satisfy her emotionally..

[smallworld]

I'm just being cautious I guess because I do have feeling for her still and I'm being stubborn because If she still have feelings for me I want her to come out and say it first as I'm afraid of the rejection If I say it first and it's not the outcome I want.

 

You seem adamant about not being the first to tell your feelings, so imho you've already made up your mind. That's fine. It's your life. But as an outsider I can see why she must be equally as confused and unmotivated as you are to reveal her true feelings because it doesn't seem like you're interested in her all that much. I think her mixed signals (saying she'll call, but doesn't) are just as planned and well thought out as yours. The funny thing is even though neither of you is willing to fess up at this point, you're both already dating each other irregardless of what you call it. Personally I think you're driving yourself crazy needlessly. But to each their own, right?

 

PS. I don't think she reminded you she was "single" because she was flaunting her freedom. I saw it more as an attempt to remind you she's available now.

[HajiMaji]

I think she likes you, be cool with it but i think you got it.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah maybe I'm just reading too much into things. If this was a new girl that I just met I would have had no problem at all but I guess the reason why is because we have such history together and she my ex

[bubbamackdaddy69]

She sent me another e-mail today.. maybe analysing too much and thinking too much that she wants to be friends only.. with benefits at times.. here's the e-mail

 

hey, whats up? well thanks for bringing back my library movie i totally forgot. So hows your day going? here i wish it was friday. i am excited to go to Montreal and shop shop shop. I m really glad that i have a friend like you in my life, your truly one of a kind. I hope that you have a great day. whats up for tonight? feel like getting together? let me know

[h_b_k_02]

Funny, after reading several of the posts on this site, I am beginning to hate any woman aged 20-30 .

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know eh... me too ..lol,,kind of

They just really confuse me at times..never know what their thinking especially with my ex ??..grrrrrrrrrrr

[smallworld]

I m really glad that i have a friend like you in my life, your truly one of a kind. I hope that you have a great day. whats up for tonight? feel like getting together? let me know

 

OR she thinks YOU WANT to be friends with benefits and she's bringing up being "friends" as a test - to see if you'll correct her assumption. I'm guessing you won't. You two sound made for each other.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I replied back and didn't really correct her assumption. Just replied back by saying I really enjoy spending time with her and said Why wouldn't I with such a cute and sexy girl ?

 

She stopping by tonight so I'll see what happens.. odds are we'll hang out maybe go eat, have sex and then kiss her goodnight when she goes home.. sounds to any outsider than we're dating..lol.. but for me still not all that sure.. I should definetly have a heart to heart talk with here soon..not tonight though..I'll wait until we go away to Montreal on Saturday and talk about it then..

make sense ?..

[h_b_k_02]

YIKES, hold on there cowboy.

 

Not in Montreal. If she discards your feelings, what a long-weekend it may turn out to be.

 

Trust me, you have to do this on home turf, it's the only way.

[smallworld]

Yeah he's probably right. On the other hand, it's hard to have fun when you're watching her every move for mixed signals, and busy serving up equally ambiguous signals of your own. Your call. I'd have cried 'uncle' a long time ago. Maybe on the ride home???

 

To me there really isn't a good time or place. It's like taking out the garbage. At some point you just decide the pain of not doing so, outweighs the benefits of procrastination.