I broke up with girl I love and hurt her

[confusedguy15]

Hey folks,

so, the situation is following.

Last year I was a part of Erasmus exchange where I met a girl, we became a couple. After the end we had a short long distance (3 months), then she came to my country for an exchange to be with me (first I didn't feel very comfortable with that, but agreed anyway). Her exchange finished 10 days ago and we have been struggling, today I broke up with her.

She would like me to come on exchange in her country (I plan to go somewhere for exchange again), but I don't want it, because I feel that I am not ready to do that, for me it feels like too much pressure, like a huge commitement, and I am just not ready. Also yesterday I told her that I can go to study in some country and she can find practice there, but thinking about it, it is just a short term solution, we would be broken again, go through the same painful process again when we would have to leave. Aslo she told me that she agrees her mother's opinion that we are just wasting time if I don't want to come to her country and sacrifise myself for that. That gave me thinking. If she agrees to that, what is the point?

She was my first girlfriend (inexperienced me tought it will be easier), we have been together for a year (best year of my life), I am 22, she is 24. I could suffer my broken heart, but breaking her makes me hopeless, worthless. She told me that 2 of her previous boyfriends broke up with her.

I broke up with her today by sending her a text (I couldn't do it over a call, I am a whimp, I know..) and she didn't reply yet. My best freind commited suicide 3 years ago when his girlfriend broke up with him, so I always live in fear of people I love doing the same.

If it wasn't for the distance I would continue relationship. But the distance would make it so hard, would require so much sacrifice, cause so much pain, and still we probably wouldn't stay together (we had quite some fights and differences during the relationship, but I still loved her).

 

Do you have something to tell me? How to ease the pain? I feel like monster for hurting her, I don't deserve to be loved again. Did I do right, did I up?

 

Thanks

[jakeatl]

I've been in a long distance relationship myself for a little over a year. We broke up 2 months ago. My only advice I can give you is: Do what is best for YOU. The distance wasn't working out for me, and even though I was still in love with her I decided to end things because I just didn't like the situation at all. I wanted something closer. She was distraught.

 

You will get over it, there are billions of women out there, and you said it's your first girlfriend, right? You're inexperienced so you don't really know what else you're missing out on.

 

From my experience, it's much easier to 'rip the bandage' off fast and get it over with than slowly pull it off over the course of (let's say) a year and realise at the end you should have ended things a long time ago.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. Relationships are nothing to be afraid of, don't let one bad experience make you think bad of every other experience. Take your time, things will work out in the end.

 

Hope that helps

[confusedguy15]

Thanks for the reply, I can suffer break up pain, but I feel the worst for doing this to her. Until the last moment she was trying to make it happen, to stay with me (finding a way for us to stay together just for a month more, or so), because she loved me so much. This f*cking hurts.

[DanZee]

Well, look. You're both adults and if the relationship was strong, you would have found one way or another of being together by either you moving to where she is or she moving to where you are, or you both going to a third location. Neither of you are willing to do this so the relationship is over. Both of you are to blame, or you could look at it as neither of you are to blame. Both of you have chosen different paths. These things happen. Time to move on with your lives.