My boyfriend´s ex-wife

[Olivia]

Hi, I´m asking for some support because I´ve been thinking too much about this subject and it´s making me unhappy. I have been together with my boyfriend for 15 months in a long-distance relationship (different countries, different language). The first 9 months were very hard, but now I am happy and can deal with the distance.

He has been married and has a small child, and he divorced the kid´s mother because she was having an affair. She is still living with her lover from that time. Fortunately I don´t see her much because my boyfriend visits me more than I do him, but when I do she isn´t always nice to me, and my boyfriend agrees that she´s not a nice person. In the beginning he said his only concern was that she was a good mother for the kid and that we wouldn´t socialize with her. The problem is he is very easy-going and kind, and I´m afraid he´s changing his mind. He always tried to get along with because of the child, and I agree with that, but it´s very hard for me to listen to him on the phone with her or see him treating her like a friend, telling her about his and our life, like he forgot the things she did to him. And lately it seems they´re even closer. I´m afraid to raise the subject because he always has the excuse of the child´s welfare, but I wish he had more self-respect and also protected me more from his past life. He can´t understand my point of view. I´m afraid we´ll just argue and that he´ll make me an ultimatum and we´ll break up. We get along so well and are such good friends! But we are very different in some points.

Nevertheless, I have decided I have to talk to him about this because I´m losing sleep and feel like I have a ball in my stomach. I just have to be careful with what I say - but I should tell him how I feel, and ask him if he has changed his mind. Last year we went away on a weekend with two other couples with his child and their children and later I learned that she had been invited too, and for him it would be ok! I don´t want those people in our life! I hate it when he asks me "Do you accept that I have a child or not?" - of course I don´t like it one bit, and I can´t understand how such an intelligent man decided to have a child he wasn´t sure he wanted with someone who didn´t make him happy, but this is a stupid question because I don´t have a choice. About the mother, who was dishonest to him and seems to be jealous of me (so he says too), there are limits. I feel like I have to live according to his arrangements with his ex.

What do you think? Am I being immature, refusing to accept things that for me are humiliating?

 

Olivia

[Chillyfrog]

no you are not being immature being with a man who has a child and the mother is like going into a family thats already made. It is hard for you to accept this the child is not yours and that bothers you. So if you are not ready to accept his child and the family then break it off and go find someone who is single and has no children so u can have your own family

[Olivia]

My boyfriedn´s ex-wife isn´t a part of his family. She could be if she had respected him and if she was able to respect his new partner. Since this isn´t the case, I don´t have to have her in my life.

[Chillyfrog]

im not saying that all i am saying is if you are not happy in the situation get out of it and start your life with a single guy who has no kids so you can have your own without the babby momma drama

[Olivia]

My boyfriend IS single!!! I mean we both were until we started our relationship. And of course I don´t have to tell you I can´t choose who to love. What I can choose is not to accept people who disrespect me, whoever they are.

By the way, I don´t expect my boyfriend to socialize with my ex.

But you have a different opinion, no problem.