Very confused..

[Toshiana89]

I met him in 2012.. we were good friends who shared good conversation.. he told me e wanted to be with me.. here we are January 2018 and I'm very confused. I know that it's my fault he left.. I told him to leave.. I didn't mean it and I think subconsciously I was seeing if he would leave.. because it's always in the back of my mind that he doesn't want me or want to be around me. He left last year with the claim he wanted to work on himself.. I'm the breadwinner.. pay all bills and rent I also have a 7 year old who knows him as dad and a 2 year old that is ours. When he left last year about a month later he asked me on a date.. and before that date happened I found him on dating websites etc. Being the emotionally impulsive person I am I had been text bombing and calling and pleading and all of this was ignored and I was so relieved when he proposed this date.. which never happened.. 3 months later we got back together and I was bitter and cold and demanding after all he had lied and lied during the course of our relationship and stole money from me and been sneaky .. he insisted he was serious about me and about 2 months later he went to jail for 4 months.. during that time he .. like most jailbirds do professed his love for me and made many promises.. so right now we're about 8 months post release from jail.. he hadn't worked since right before Christmas and he has done a rally great job with housework and the kids and everything but expressed he feels kind of like a babysitter.. so .. last week when I got upset and he didn't react in a supportive wat I blew up on him and told him to leave.. and he did.. and I was sad but had to accept the fact that I was wrong in the situation and I've plead with him and reached out and he refused to come home.. he says he doesn't want to break up and that he wants to come home with more to offer me as far as finances go and that he wants to work on his confidence and just be better.. I don't trust him.. I asked to look through his phone as we exchanged kids and he let me.. he says he wants to show me that I'm wanted and loved but rarley makes contact throughout the day.. says maybe 3 months down the line he'll come home.. I just feel like I've done enough waiting .. and longing for him through everything else I've put up with.. and knowing that my partner has made a concious decision not to see me everyday after work or hold me at night bothers me and I can't understand it. I've expressed all this to him and he insists this will build our bond but I've told him even in the past week it had started to deteriorate my feelings for him.. how else can I cope without letting go?? I've suggested we just break up and I can cry it out for a few weeks and then I'll make it through.. rather than feel heartbroken for an undisclosed amount of time while I wait for him to decide to come home? I know that this probably seems like a cut and dry LEAVE HIM.. because of many of his actions .. but I do believe he can be better and that I can be better too.. he's great with my sons and I do love him very much.. I'm so confused I feel like this is a front like last time and I don't know how to handle it

[Imho]

There's nothing for you to handle. He did what you asked now you have to deal with the consequences.

 

You've written so many negative things about him I think you should be honest with yourself regarding why you want him to come back.

 

You sound like you have control and trust issues and should consider counseling. Let him improve himself while you improve yourself.