Struggling with post break up depression

[muranaru]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new to this site and posting on message boards but I don't know where else to turn to in order to vent and seek advice.

 

I had been with my significant other for the last 5 years but she recently decided to end things with me. Simply because she no longer loved me and felt like in order to figure out her life, she needed to move forward alone. At first I was ok because I respected her so much and her decision to grow as a person and she wanted me to find someone who could love me the way I loved her. But as the days go on I struggle with the idea of letting go of our relationship and never seeing her again. This has caused me to fall back deeply in the depression I've been struggling with since I was a kid. I'm not suicidal, but sometimes the pain and mourning of losing such a wonderful person is overwhelming and too much to bear on my own. I have friends but they're all fairweather in nature and find my presence to be too much of a bummer. My family tries to be there for me as well, but we find it difficult to relate to each other.

 

What exactly do I do? How do I move forward? I feel completely debilitated by the constant thoughts of the last 5 years, our plans that we had for the future, and every little thing reminding me of her.

 

I just want to be able to sleep and enjoy my life again.

[deedee911]

Hi, I know it's hard. But honestly this is an opportunity for you to explore what makes you happy. We think that when someone leaves it's bad but actually it's a chance. A gift. I know this is hard to see now but one day you will.

[Morello]

It looks like you don't really have a support network there for you, which is making it harder. It's not your fault, it's just how things are sometimes. I'd suggest you to see a therapist. At the very least, talking about it (with a professional) will provide you with some relief and may help better understand the underlying causes of your depression and how you're feeling like at the moment.

 

But in overall, bear in mind that it's totally normal to be feeling like you are feeling, regardless of your depression. You may find that dealing with a break up (especially if you're not the one who decided to break) takes time and it's a rollercoaster of emotions. Just accept it, live through it and recognise that these feelings won't be there forever. Don't be hard on yourself, don't overthink causes of break up, etc. These things are irrelevant now. In the future, you'll be able to look back and see what went right and what went wrong, learn from your mistakes (if any) and move forward.

[muranaru]

Thank you deedee911 and Morello for your responses, I greatly appreciate it.

 

I know that, in time, I will be able to move on and look back at this moment in a new light. I've experienced break ups in the past, but I guess that knowing what to expect and anticipating all of this pain and loneliness to last for while leaves me with overwhelming anxiety and dread. Also, I keep experiencing these triggers from literally everything because we shared so much during those 5 years, and i just feel like i can't even breathe. I don't know why these break-ups never get easier for me to handle. I went in today to schedule an appointment with a therapist, thank you Morello for the suggestion. Hopefully, I can keep moving forward.

[kbbcoop77]

Just give it time man...as long as you’re no contact (TOTAL)..all social media etc....and keep yourself busy (distracted..I took up golf again after my wife left and hit the gym several times a week to do cardio which really does kick in endorphins)...you’ll slowly detach. It’s a slow process but this is the quickest route..I also stopped all alcohol for about 8-9 months or so. This also helped..