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hey, this is with a heavy heart that i write this, i've been in a great relationship for 5 years and i feel it's come to an end, and its because of me, i've just accepted that im a sexual addict, i've put a lot of pressure on my girlfriend for sex for a long time and that caused her to want less sexual relationship, and it's been a spiral.

in December was the last straw, what happened was that i woke up earlier then her, i was erect and thought i would wake her up with sex, we've had morning sex like this before but this time it didn't work, she felt that i took advantage of her and she felt violated.

we had a long talk and she told me that this had happened before and she promised herself that if it happened again she would leave... and now it happened.


after the talk she said that it felt like something has changed/broke and she dont know if it can be fixed and shes not sure of what she wants to do.

i came into contact with psychologist and i do have the signs of an sexual addict.


A bit of a filler here.

we've been a couple for 5 years, she dont like posting pictures of us on social media together (she says is feels like "in your face!" on all her friends)

we have separated groups of friends. but shes ok with posting pictures of them having fun.

she's big on social media because her work is in that field, but her profile on facebook dont show any social status (relationship and so on)

and i want to post cute things i do for her, if i plan a date night i want to be able to post a happy moment on my facebook / instagram because im proud of that moment...



mid-end of December

she started to talk to one of her male x-colleagues and they talk a lot.. her phone goes of 1-5 times every minute, she says its only platonic and that hes now in our city, meanwhile she got somewhat of a flirty message from another guy thats she might work with because he is an expert in his field.

the message she got from his was the following "oh nice, you dont work during the holidays, so we could go and get a drink then! with the wink.

i confronted her about this expert guy and asked if he knows that she is in a relationship, she said that she guessed that he know because they had a common female friend that knows shes not singel(?!)

i came of as the bad guy and jealous BF... right before she headed out for this drink she asked me "would it sooth you if i brought X (the female friend that they in common) and i said "yes it would".

new years she spent the last hr on the phone with the x-colleague, i got pissed because when i tried to talk to her she only answered with "mmmm..." with full focus on the phone.

the clock hit midnight and i was pissed, i went in to the kitchen and there she stood with the phone in hand and i could see the chatty guy sending a "ahh, you're awesome! heartemoji"

and i felt betrayed, we're having a hard time and shes getting "cute" messages from another guy....


This week

Tuesday was my day off and we went to the movies and saw star wars, i was just about to "check-in" on facebook when she stopped me and said "dont tag me on it because im going on friday (today) see it with x-colleague and it would be strange if he saw that i went with a couple of days before and saw it"

notice that she's ok with posting photos of friends and stuff on Instagram but not when we went to France for a long weekend when her friend was getting married, not one photo of us, and it going to be a punch in the gut if she decides to post and tag him today.


i dont want to loose her, i know im an and being a sexual addict isnt a excuse, i've never been a jealous boyfriend, she had previous guy friend that fell for her and she distanced her from them but i cant help to feel insecure. im trying to mend it, i've even asked if she wants me to move out for some time, and i said that we can try and mend our friendship before trying to mend our relationship but she's like hot and cold, one second i can talk to her and it feels like we're doing progress, but the next moment shes so off.


is this a lose couse?......

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Sorry to tell you this, but there are two options here:


- Man up and let it be,time will show what happens.

- Confront her and tell her that you are feeling bad about her focusing all her attention to that dude.


Either way, she is being selfish, and obviously she doesn't care enough about how you feel at the moment. The new years eve thing is an absolute roadblock.


But from my own experience, she just needed to flirt again, because she felt somewhat stuck. Either way, this is a lose-lose situation. You can only wait and see. But, if this happens on a daily basis for about two weeks or so, this is a huge red flag. Time to look for other options out there. Passive sorrow is a never ending loophole, life sucks.

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Dear Kaper.


About sex addiction. The psychologist you saw about your hyper sexuality, was he/she a certified sex addiction therapist? Tendency is not a diagnosis, and "sex addiction" is also not a proper diagnosis because it is not recognized as an illness in psychology world. That being said, you may have hyper sexuality as a symptom from something else, or it could be just that you like sex and need a lot of it and many many people do. So, don't put yourself in the category of sex addict because you like to have sex with your girlfriend you adore in the morning.


About your girlfriend. I would be pissed if I were in your position, she does not appear to be honest with you. If she is a decent person and truly in love with you, she would have not desired to talk to another guy on the new year's eve without an explanation given to you first so you are ok with it. It looks like something is going on, but like the other person said you will find out. She won't be able to do this long if she has a right mind. Or you can initiate a conversation and spend some time alone till she gets her things sorted out.

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You are not an addict.


Now if your life revolved around sex and you didn't take care of usual life stuff just so you could have sex and your actual life suffered from you trying to have sex or thinking about sex then there might be something there. The word addict is thrown around way to much by people that don't understand what addiction is.


Having made that clear:


You and your gf have different sexual drives.

She doesn't want you posting pictures of the two of you on social media even after 5 years together

She disrespects you

She allows and enjoys guys hitting on her and then accuses you of being jealous.


These are all pretty big red flags and I think she is hiding the relationship from other men. At the very least she is having some sort of emotional affair with this guy she is in constant contact with. The reason she is hot and cold is because she has given her romantic feelings to this other guy but her love for you opens her heart to you trying to fix things but the fantasy with the new guy slams the door once again.


I am really sorry but she sounds like she has checked out with you and is letting this new guy in. It takes two to try and save a relationship and she is not innocent in the demise of this one so you have very little you can do other than sit down with her and see if she will open up about her feelings for you and this "friend" It looks like it is over though, I am sorry



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You don't send heart emojis to anyone you want to be just friends with. (I'm personally not a fan of guys sending emojis in general, but I digress... :-) ) The whole social media aspect of it is very suspicious. If she is putting up pictures of her friends, she should be putting up pictures of you. Is she afraid of hurting this guys' feelings or something? So sketchy. You should do her a favor and give her the boot before she gives it to you. Sorry to be so harsh.

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