I don’t think I can take much more!

[So unsure 728]

Dating same guy for 5 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but mostly about his poor financial judgments. I’m 60 and he is 65. I’m financially settled with assets and a good job. Each time we’ve broken up we reconcile very soon because we love each other. But I made it clear to him I cannot live with him if he can’t take care of himself financially. We still each have our own places to live. He says as soon as he gets a job he wants to marry me but I don’t think I’d ever do that only because I’m concerned about his finances and his financial judgments.

I have myself and 2 adult kids to support (my kids aren’t established or married yet). He lost his job last May and used all his unemployment. In a month he starts to get social security but realizes he still needs to work. I’ve helped him a lot to find a job. He did get a job in retail only to quit after 2 weeks because he hated it. I feel like I need to keep pushing him to get a job. He knows I won’t wait forever. Part of the issue is that he has a felony conviction for white collar crime so many employers won’t give him the job plus his age.

I’ve already waited 7 months and this situation is very stressful for me but I really don’t think as much for him. Do I wait or cut my losses? At this age time is getting short and I feel that if he really wanted to find a job he would have.

[Imho]

You won't wait forever for what? It's not your responsibility to push him to get a job. He knows what needs to be done and if he is not doing it he is showing you who he is and how important the situation is or is not to him. He quit a job because he hated it without having backup or a new job. You're right not to live with him until he is financially stable or able to pull his weight. You will be taking care of him as well as your kids and if they are 30 or more they should be taking care of themselves and seeing if you need anything regardless of if they are married or not.

[Hollyj]

He is a crook and a man child. Certainly you can do better than this! Didn't you post on here before? This sounds very familiar.

 

Why in the world are you supporting your adult children? Sounds like you enable too many people.

 

Drop your dead weight bf.

[Starlight925]

I'm in your age range (I'm 55), and I just ended things with my almost-60 year old BF. Like you, I am financially responsible, and like your guy, he's a financial mess, and he, too, recently lost his job, yet he claims he has "no prospects", because he's insistent upon a certain salary range that he just isn't in a position to get. I broke up with him for other reasons than financial, but that was honestly a part of it as well.

 

You can't motivate someone to do something. Your guy will have to want to find something, anything. Retail, whatever, just to make ends meet. How does he plan to pay his rent in a year?

 

It's a scary situation for him, I'm sure, but he is not your responsibility.

 

Can I ask why you are together 5 years and still living apart? Why you haven't married or lived together before now?

[So unsure 728]

We aren’t living together because he isn’t settled financially and I wasn’t comfortable with that. He prior job paid modestly so he had credit card debt he couldn’t pay off. Thanks to money he inherited this year he can now pay it off but that leaves him with about $35k which isn’t enough to live off of for more than a year.

[Starlight925]

So he's always been financially irresponsible? When was his "white collar crime"? After a certain number of years, does that go away?

 

No, $35,000 is nothing at 65 years old, without a job. That's actually scary.

 

Why do you stay with him? Do you think he looks at you as a financial soft blanket, someone he can eventually live with, who will take care of him financially?

 

I've decided that, while I'd love to one day find a relationship, it's better to be on one's own than to handhold a 60+ year old child.