Bewildered ,Cheated, Left Alone...Confused...HELP

[meandmysonagain]

Me and my gf has been together for 5 and a half years. We are each others first lesbian realationship. I am 30 and she is 23. I have one son 8yrs old and he has grown very close to her over the past 5 years. For the last year she has been wanting to have a baby. We decided to find a donar. Who was willing to inpregnant her with no strings attached . Then the only way we knew was to find a guy or the expensive way. I thought we she go to the bar and pick up a guy (like a one night stand). But, she didn't want to feal cheap, or to get any deseases. She then thought she could find someone she Knew that didn't want any strings to us or the baby. She had menchand a man a couple of times. The next thing I knew she brang him home. They had sex a few times. I was a bit worried because sex if very personal. I felt uncomfortable and talked to her. She asked if it would make me more comfortable if I were in the room. So then It became all three of us. Then he started coming over when I left for work and leaving before I came home. This was like 2 wks into the pregnancy plan. A mutal friend of his and ours was telling me he wanted to be with her for more than to just to get pregnant. He denied wanted anything more than what we had agreed on. She always reacured me I had nothing to worry about. "This was for us it was going to be our baby" she told me. One month into it ( 2wks ago) we were at home and they were talking and flirting (like tickling eachother and stuff) that is when I told her they needed to quit denying their feeling. To make a long story short she left to find out what she really wanted. She was gone for about 2 days (with him). Then she returned with him. I slept on the couch they on the bed (in our room). Two nights of this and I had enough. They came home and I was sleeping in the bed. She said " That was find she could *%$#% in the frontroom. It ended up to be a huge fight and they went to stay at her mothers. Three days ago they went on a road trip and ended up at her uncles house. They have no money and no way home. She called me for help.......They have some nerve.........What should I do?>>>>>.How should I feal>>>>? Is it my fault?..........She doesnt talk to my son anymore........! He don't know what to think?........What should I tell him?.........Will she come back...........? Should I take her back.............HELP...HELP...HELP...HELP............>>>>>>>.. . . . . 0X CONFUSED[/size][/b][/size]

[DN]

It was not your fault. I woould just let them sort themselves out - when they get back have her stuff packed (if it is your house) and tell her to leave. Your son does not need to see all this going on.

[CarrieB123]

I agree with DN.

 

What makes you think its your fault?

[vortex]

That's scary!!! I truly sympathise with you. It proves that however long we might have been with someone, we never really know them as well as we think we do.

 

If my girlfriend did that to me, that would be it, there would be no going back and I wouldn't take her back. She's been with you for 5 yrs and within 1 month she showed total disrespect for you, your son and your relationship by behaving like she did, under your roof, in your bed!!!

 

None of what happened is your fault, but you still hold some responsibility in my view. I don't want to add insult to injury, but what in the hell were you thinking when you allowed her to have sex with some guy. You said it yourself, sex is a personal thing. God, there are different ways of having a baby, that was a cheap way to do it. If you love someone, you don't let them have sex with other people for the sake of having a baby. Well, that's my personal opinion.

 

However, quit blaming yourself. They want to be together, so be it. Your house isn't a pimp house and she and that guy have no right to impose themselves on you. Please open your eyes, this girl doesn't deserve you, she has proved it.

 

I hope that you won't let them blackmail you emotinally. Your son needs you and he doesn't deserve to live in a house where there's a "ménage à trois" (threesome) going on. You and your son deserve a safe and healthy life, not an emotianl whirlpool.

 

Good luck

 

 

Take care

[Cadence308]

I don't have too much to add. Looks like vortex covered all of the bases. You need to tell her to get out of your house. I would have her bags packed when she returns. Don't go back to her. She is very disrespectful and you can do better. You shouldn't have encouraged her to sleep with someone else just for the sake of having a baby.

[meandmysonagain]

i trusted our love with everything that i had. the thing i cant get over is she thought i would be the one to meet somebody and leave her. because my son was always asking about his dad, and just to ease things he was never at home or knew anything about what was happening. we made sure he was not there. she said she was confused about what she was feeling. but shes young and has been with someone for the past 10 years. so i can under stand in a way in a very small way. she went from working 2 jobs at 16-17 taking care of a 22 year old guy w/no job living with is mom, to us where she was thrown into parenthood.she never had a life of her own.

[Cadence308]

You are making excuses for her because you are still in love with her. We do everything we can to protect those that we care about. Just realize that she is not respecting you at all or the relationship. Maybe she is confused. I can see why...she's in a relationship with you and wants to have a baby so she starts sleeping with a guy to get pregnant and develops feelings for him. That is very confusing. I realize that you trusted your love with all that you had, but have you ever seen that movie...gosh, now I can't remember the name of it, but it's with Demi Moore and she's married and a millionaire offers her husband one million dollars to sleep with his wife and they take him up on his offer. She ends up falling in love with the millionaire after she sleeps with him...she can't stop thinking about him. Your story reminds me of that movie. If you haven't seen it, you should.

 

It doesn't matter how strong you think your love is or was, there's always something that can come between it. In this case, it wasn't the million dollars, it was wanting a baby and going about getting one the wrong way.

 

I am not juding you. I just hope that everything works out in the end. I can empathize with getting your heart broken. You need to be strong and stick to your guns about not letting them shack up at your house or relying on you to bail them out when they don't have money to get home.

[meandmysonagain]

i know what she did was wrong and messed up but did i do anything to cause it or not enough to stop it its just not that easy. she said its hard for her too but things havent been the sane for six month weve all been unhappy she said she tried telling me but i didnt here her but i cant read minds or maybe i just didnt want to believe it that it would fix its self. but i never thought it wold end up like this and i thought she felt the same she said she tried telling me about her feeling for the guy and i didnt listenbut she didnt listen when i told her about how i felt about him how i thought he isnt here for just the baby everything he did or said i told her about but didnt think it wasnt that big of a deal and that i was looking to much into it and not to worry cuz she loves me not him. but now look. who is she with? she told me she tried telling me and stied to stop her feelings but i was to busy fighting with this guy. he knew how i felt about him what my fears were cuz i told him he was my friend to so i thought he knew what buttons to push with me to make me over react in stephs eyes and it worked but i thought she would understand completely where i was coming from cuz i told here everything but she didnt and i cant understand that. did i push her away did i not do enough or to much. i will never know for sure and thats whats driving me crazy