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Crushing on best friend after 10 years.... HELP!!!!!


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Hello all, this is extremely awkward for me to be dealing with, and extremely private so I don’t feel there are too many in my real life I can go to for advice.


My best friend in college was a guy, let’s call him Mike. When we first started hanging he asked if we could be more than friends and I said no. I was infatuated with someone else I worked with and told him that I’d rather be friends because of the other guy.


We remained friends and after 6 months or so he began dating another girl. She and I actually became friends and she trusted me to be around her boyfriend alone because there was nothing to be worried about! I was NOT into him! And the longer they dated, the more comfortable it became because they seemed healthy and happy, I still had my old friend and now a new one, and I figured any feelings he had for me in he beginning had faded now that he has a girlfriend he really likes.


When I met my current husband it was love at first sight. We instantly started spending all of our time together which meant he got to meet my best friend and his girlfriend. He said he understood but felt slightly uncomfortable when it seemed like Mike and I were an item and he was just some guest, meaning my friend and I had a relationship, chemistry, and history, and he and I had barely met at the time. So I backed off hanging out with my friend. We were neighbors for 3 years and I moved to a new place away from him so the separation was actually easy.


My husband and I dated for 6 years before we decided to marry my friend was with his girl friend the whole time and they got engaged shortly after I did and married shortly before. We attended theirs and they ours. We’re all friends. Over time my husband has made good friends with Mike’s former roommate and so the whole group has stayed connected through the years.


Well this weekend we all (My husband, Mike’s former roommate, and I) went to the local college sporting event and I ran into Mike there. He was alone in line getting popcorn and I was jumping in line for the same thing. With excitement we said hello and discussed how it had been over 6 months since we had seen each other, and I congratulated him on he and his wife’s upcoming baby! At this point everything is normal.


After ball game, we go to local watering hole and hang out. I sit next to mike’s wife, Mike to her right, his former roommate then my husband continuing right which was across from me. I chat with Mike’s wife some about the baby and congratulate them again. After a while, Mike and I just can’t help it. We turn the whole conversation into a trip down memory lane of all of our adventures. My husband has grown very fond of Mike over the years and does not feel threatened by him even when I get excited to see Mike or enjoy an evening laughing with him about all the crazy stuff we use to get into, so I let this keep going.


On and on we go and I finally realize that no one at the table is upset, but we should probably try to change the conversation so others can join in more. So I start a new topic but Mike quickly changes it back to stories of us. I just let him go with it, we were having fun and neither of our spouses seemed bothered, and why should they? We’ve been correcting people for years saying we’re JUST friends, really good friends, but nothing more.


So, after we all pay our tab, Mike and his wife get up to leave first, I am talking with someone to my left (a couple I haven’t mentioned yet because they don’t have anything to do with the meat of this post) and Mike comes behind me, bends down and gives a huge bear hug from behind and kisses me on the back of my scalp. My immediate natural reaction was just jump up, spin around, shout LOVE YOU and throw my arms around his neck. (This really really stood out to me because as close as we have been in the past, hugging and kissing, even as friends has never been a part of our relationship.)


I don’t know why, or how, but for the first time in my life and in the 10 years I’ve known Mike, my heart had little butterflies for him. This is so insane and wrong! I’m married, he’s married and about to have his first baby! When it all happened I told myself that it just missing hanging out with him. We were just having so much fun rehashing old times, we both just got caught up in a massive amount of affection we have for each other because we NEVER see each other or hang out anymore. But, this is day 2 since that night I seriously cannot stop thinking about him.


I love my husband and I don’t want to cheat on him or ruin my marriage, plus I respect Mike’s wife and marriage as well. My reaction is that I should probably just stay away from Mike all together. But, then I think, that’s sort of what brought this all on in the first place. If we were able to hang out from time to time, would we settle down a little bit in our affection towards each other, the way it use to be?


I’ve read it’s normal for married people to develope crushes on other people than who they are married to, but why did it have to be Mike and why now???? Was it just nostalgia overload? Also, why did he kiss me? That has never been a normal occurrence for us! Is it just uncharted territory throwing me off? I honestly wasn’t feeling anything new or different until that moment. I was just happy to be hanging out with my old friend and having a good time, then butterflies when he hugged and kissed me, reacted by shouting that I loved him and hugged him, followed by extreme feelings of guilt due to our spouses and his new baby.


Anyways I came her for any advice or experience that might help me get a grasp on my feelings and put them back how they were.




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