Permanent damage after a long term relationship breakup?

[driedoutonion]

So been dumped 2 months ago by my true love for 6 years (long story).

I have a question here. I have a friend who was in the same situation five years ago and he's been in quite a lot of relationships since then.

I talked to him about it and what he told was, since then, he always went into a new relationship with the state of mind of knowing that it would eventually end.

Is it a common occurrence in people who were dumped by their long term partners?

 

Thanks!

[Wildchild82]

No, i would not agree. I was dumped by my ex after 6years, took me 3years to actually get over, had i guess a rebound guy during 2,5 of those years, so in a sense yes. But my last boyfriend of 1,5 years i thought was the one. I fell in love for the first time since i was 15, and he brutally dumped me a month ago. Though my heart and soul and ego are hurt, i know this will eventually pass, and with time i will be able to love again. I know that what you state is not true after i got over my first bf of the 6years, which i seriously thought would never happen. Sounds like your friend might be hurt and trying to protect himself. Either way, its your choice. I dont think relationships will last forever, as nothing does, but you can enter a relationship with that intent and make the best of the time you have together, learn from each other, support, evolve, grow and live in the now.

[Hollyj]

No. It is unhealthy and unfair to others. He should seek counseling to deal with trust issues.

[firelily]

It's good to be around people and around the opposite gender. Closing yourself at home can make you ruminate too much over the breakup and lessen self-esteem. I'd say it's good to talk to new people, nice looking men with nice personality, it can give you hope that can make the healing process faster.

 

However, usually someone who was just dumped doesn't have much to offer in terms of emotional intimacy, commitment, energy... And this new person does deserve someone healthy and enthusiastic about them, not someone emotionally unavailable that will leave them drained or scarred. It would end in distaste, for both people.

 

Also it's not always a good thing to you. Your mind is in a shaky place right now. You don't have a clear vision whom you want to date and what do you want to get in these relationships, and by dating out of loneliness and sadness you could end up with someone totally random and not right to you. So it's a good thing so set some healthy boundaries, so that you could give yourself time here. Cause time can heal wounds much better than romantic distractions. You need that time to gain energy to survive another disappointment and hurt, in case it would turned out that way.