Need some advice please!

[lolsmy1]

Hello, this is my first time posting on something like this, but I've found myself in a situation where I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I'll try to give as much information as I can. Me and my (ex-girlfriend?) are both are 22 years old. I moved to Florida in August 2016, and met this girl a week later through a friend. I have a troubling background, expelled from schools, anger issues, the works. Nothing physical but I am also bipolar. I go through mood swings and depression. But I'm a very intelligent person with a kind heart. Anyway, we ended up moving in together because I didnt really have a place to stay at the time. I was living with my best friend temporarily who i knew from New York. We went through the honeymoon phase, and it was great. I learned so much about her and fell in love with all her quirks. But after that, while she was moving forward, I moved backwards. I couldn't keep a job. I was spending all my money on weed, not rent. And she stuck with me. There was one incident where i stole from her, and she stuck with me. My best friend stole a 150 dollar pair of headphones from her as well when he moved in temporarily. Didn't help my case at all. Don't talk to him anymore. She's even called the police on me because of how angry I would get. One night she told me that she still loved me, but didn't want a relationship with me or with anyone, but it could happen in the future, something she has been saying now for months. I found out she went on a date a couple days after telling me this, and I go angry.I would never lay a finger on her, and I never have. But I was yelling at the top of my lungs and she was afraid. We forgave each other for that. But her Dad did not. When she told him what happened, he came down from Virginia to make sure I would move out. He made her file a restraining order and threatened to disown her if she continued to have contact with me. But she called me a week later and said she didn't want to go through with it and that she wanted me in her life. About a month later I moved back in with her without her father knowing. Now her father has moved down here, and she initially wanted to have a secret relationship. We would have sex, cuddle, act like a normal couple inside. But to anyone else we didn't even talk. It was going fine I guess, until her father moved down here. I was supposed to find a new place to live because he tends to just pop in, and she doesn't want him to know we talk. And doesn't want to put in the effort to try and mend things with him. She just said again that she doesn't want a relationship with me right now and that its possible in the future. That was 2 weeks ago. I still live with her due to my plans falling through. She still wants me to move out. But we still act like a couple.It's been about 5 months since we originally broke up. and I went from having nothing to controlling my anger, Ive yet to have an outburst. I got a full time job and I bought my own car. I've proved that I changed. and we now While I know it doesn't sound like it, I do the best I can to take care of her when Im not having my issues. I tell her she's beautiful every day. I listen to her problems. I try to fix them. I have my own demons and she has hers, but we have been working on them together. But while she still tells me she loves me, kisses and has sex with me, without me even starting it. I find her always quick to get off her phone when I walk in the room and she's talking to certain coworkers. She blatantly tries to hide them from me. She says they're just friends, but thats what she said about the last guy. Now while I've said a lot of negative things about our relationship, that does not mean for a second there aren't as many positives. I truly do believe she loves me. And i know she knows I love her. I really do feel like despite our issues we were meant to be together. But it's her I'm worried about. When I do try to bring it up she makes me feel self consiece and stupid, and turns the blame around on me. I don't know how to bring this all up to her, and i don't know what to do anymore.

 

I apologize if I sort of drifted from the original train of thought at times and it may be confusing to read. But thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Lester]

First time..., use of paragraphs will garner more responses.

[Unreasonable]

Ugh, sorry, this reeks of codependency. I think too much damage has been done here and love isn't always enough. I would let her go, and I would be single for a while to get over her. If you truly are a changed man, and would NEVER do the things you have done in the past (you cannot scream and be verbally abusive - ever, and I mean EVER again, for ANY reason, even if it is coming at you), then I would find a new relationship that doesn't have all this baggage. I assume you are on medication for your bipolar disorder and seeing a therapist. If not, get on that right away (I have it too).