Confused

[msjoe7171]

My son's father & I met when I was 14. He was friends with my brother & was considerably older. He was 21 at the time. I told him how I felt & he told me to take a hike, I was way too young. A year later we hooked up & I got pregnant. I had my son & never told him he was the father. I was in love with him but scared to tell him the truth. I left Texas where we lived & went to Colorado to assist my sister who had just given birth (husband in the military & in Korea). I stayed in Colorado for a few months & met a guy who turned out to be my husband. We dated for a short time & married. At the same time my son's father also met someone & married & had a child. Our son was born in 1987....I married in 1993 & in 2000 my husband said that my son needed to know who his father was & it was time. At that time my husband who is in the military was stationed back in Texas 5 hours away from my sons father. I took a chance & went back to my hometown & saw my son's father who was divorced by this time (1st marriage). I told him that my husband & I was willing to do a DNA test & pay for half of it. He took one look at my son & instantly said he didn't need one.

 

My son & his dad formed a bond. But my son's father who previously had been a one night stand started looking at me differently. Nothing happened between us at that time. He met someone else in 2008. He married again. In 2012 however they broke up. I also came back home in 2012 for a family reunion. I saw him & he said that he wanted to hang out. Back in 1987-1991, he became my friend (platonic friend), & we would talk about all the guys that was breaking my heart. He would give me advice on how guys was & tell me that I was too good for them. Fast forward back to his second marriage being over, we hung out, laughed a lot, but still nothing happened between us (@ least not physically). He continued to call me & our son on the regular until 2016.

 

In April 2016, he lost his brother & it devastated him & me. Our families are extremely close. He called me as I was in Virginia at the time & he mourned his brother so hard he called only me. Sometimes between 1-5 am, crying uncontrollably. I was there for him. We were friends. In July of the same year my job working for the military moved me to Texas. Mu husband however still had to stay in Virginia. When I got to Texas my job informed me that I had to take 6 1/2 months of vacation time or lose it. I was still getting paid every month (paid vacation). I could start my new job in January 2017. My brother had an apartment that he stated that I could stay in rent free. He was working on the water in the Gulf of Mexico & was only there for a few days out of the month. He agreed he would pay rent & I only had to pay utilities. The problem, it was in my hometown. My husband & I started to grow apart, so I agreed. My sons father & I became closer than we had ever been.

 

He immediately told me that he was falling for me. Within a few months, he was kissing my ring finger & saying he wanted us to go further in our relationship. He would always come by & grab my ring finger & kiss it. We started dating & became intimate. He told me that he was afraid because he had never fallen so fast. We kept going full steam ahead. He would often tell me I was the love of his life. We went strong until I left in January. We still saw each other as I was only 5 hours away. We would see each other twice a month. He would text everyday & we would talk 7 days a week, often more than once a day. We would FaceTime, the works. About 3 months ago, he stopped telling me how much he loves me. He would still say it but only if I did. So I asked him if he was happy. He stated he missed holding me. I felt horrible. A few weeks ago we met up & got together. He was so distant. Afterwards, he left & called to make sure I made it back home. He then told me that he needed some time. A few days later he tells me that he's not in love with me & that he never was. I was devastated. He went about a week without texting, or calling. After he told me that he wasn't in love he said I will call you tonight. Strange. I told him no need. He refused to take any calls from me until I told him that he was a user. He then said that he's sorry that he's not in love with me. He said he's been married & divorced twice & that he doesn't want to go through that again. I asked how does he know & he said "well I know me & it would take 10 years for me to fall in love with you". I thought that was strange. So after a few days he stated that he would always love me for giving him his son, but not in love with me. I said ok, I wont bother you again. He then sends me a text saying I would live to continue to talk to you on the phone. I'm thinking if you don't love me or not in love with me, I'm giving you an out, why do you want to continue to speak to me on the phone? And he called me that same night....I'm confused. How can you go 15 months of being so in love & calling me the love of your life to nope I was never in love with you?

 

I think he's afraid I will hurt him like his ex wives did. But if that's the case why hold on to me? I think he is in love with me but is afraid.

[DanZee]

I'm betting some other girl came into his life, perhaps someone just like you who he had met before. Also, I'm guessing he really doesn't have any feelings to anybody but himself. These kinds of folks can be very charming on the outside, but on the inside it's all about them. And you're right to cut him off completely. He thinks he can keep you around for an occasional booty call. Dump this guy and don't let him back into your life.

[msjoe7171]

I'm betting some other girl came into his life, perhaps someone just like you who he had met before. Also, I'm guessing he really doesn't have any feelings to anybody but himself. These kinds of folks can be very charming on the outside, but on the inside it's all about them. And you're right to cut him off completely. He thinks he can keep you around for an occasional booty call. Dump this guy and don't let him back into your life.

k

 

Dan, I want to cut him off, but I think about over 30 years of relationship. Nobody is that good of an actor. I've known this guys all of my life. I do think that he's probably seeing someone. He didn't have to do it this way because I love him. He knows that. I just don't understand how someone I've known all of my life, who has been an amazing friend to me can be so cruel. He called me on yesterday just to see how I'm doing. He was so sweet. He can get sex from anywhere he's gorgeous & women throw themselves at him, even when we was together. Also why throw marriage in the mix. I never asked him to marry me & never hinted at it. He continues to tell me that I am the total package, beautiful, smart, loving, humble. I just don't believe that he was acting the entire time, nor do I believe that it was just about the sex.