I need help

[mack1490]

I do know that I need help now. For starters, I have been working in a prison for almost a year now. It’s a very depressing job, and I do think that it’s beginning to affect my mental state, as it would for just about anyone who works this job, and I think that this job has had a huge affect on my depressive state right now.

 

Lately, I have been talking to this woman that I met online. We talked for a few days, she would call me at my work, text me all the time, tell me that I’m handsome and that she wants me, the whole nine yards. I then I took her out on a date, just dinner for the night. Since I took her out, she has become very distant: no more text messages, phone calls, no nothing. I’m hurt really bad, because I liked this woman, she told me I was too “overwhelming for her.” When I first met this woman, I thought she was the only woman who can make me happy, as crazy as this may sound. This is because I have not exposed myself to more women. I am afraid at talking to women anywhere, because I don’t think that I am worth it to any woman. Sometimes I ask “what woman really wants me?” My self-esteem is at rock bottom, and most of the time, I feel that I am not worth it to anybody. I go to bars, wanting to talk to women, but then I see other men who have big muscles and look very charismatic, so I do not want to talk to any women I see at bars for fear that I’m just going to be rejected. One horrible weakness that I have is that I do not take rejection lightly, I take it very personally. I know it’s wrong, and I shouldn’t be this way, but my mind is just wired up for me to not want to take risks for rejection. Even when a woman says to me “sorry I have a boyfriend”, or “you just aren’t my type, it really brings down my confidence. Sometimes I get angry at rejection. This is not just limited to talking to women, but also for jobs and other things that I want. Bottom line is, rejection is my ultimate enemy. I hate rejection to the point where I know that if I may not like a women I see, I won’t talk to her, for fear that I’ll reject her and make her feel the same way I would feel.

I do think at this point, I need help. I feel so empty inside, I have no motivation to make myself better, even though I know I need to better myself. When I’m off duty, I’ll sit in my room in the dark, not talking to anyone, just laying on my bed with my phone in my eyes, just poking away at it looking at Facebook posts, YouTube videos, anything else on my phone. I don’t like doing that, but like I said, I literally have no motivation to get up and do anything anymore.

 

Why do I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?

[DanZee]

You're just depressed right now. You probably need to quit your job and get out more. As for rejection, join the club! It's the worst thing in the world but you have to ask girls out if you want to get anywhere. Try not to take it personally when you're rejected. Most girls think you're paying them a compliment by wanting to date them. Your story is the reason I tell people to meet the other person IN PERSON as soon as possible. Online, people start fantasizing about a relationship and the dating and the sex, and then when they meet the other person in person they realize there's no attraction there. It's best to meet someone early on and try to have a real relationship rather than spend years chasing a dream.

 

Try to meet women in places other than bars. There's too many party girls there just out to have a good time and not find a relationship. Try hanging out in coffee shops or just walk around town. If you see someone interesting give them a compliment about their shoes, or a bag they're carrying, or their glasses, etc. If you're turned down, ask them if they have a single friend. If you're cute, they might have someone in mind. You could take an art class or take up a hobby like photography. You could take pictures of girls and offer to send them your photo, thereby getting their email address or cell phone number. Figure out a way to get girls to notice you. They might come up to you which will save you getting rejected. You only need to find one nice girl to get started.

[mack1490]

You're just depressed right now. You probably need to quit your job and get out more. As for rejection, join the club! It's the worst thing in the world but you have to ask girls out if you want to get anywhere. Try not to take it personally when you're rejected. Most girls think you're paying them a compliment by wanting to date them. Your story is the reason I tell people to meet the other person IN PERSON as soon as possible. Online, people start fantasizing about a relationship and the dating and the sex, and then when they meet the other person in person they realize there's no attraction there. It's best to meet someone early on and try to have a real relationship rather than spend years chasing a dream.

 

Try to meet women in places other than bars. There's too many party girls there just out to have a good time and not find a relationship. Try hanging out in coffee shops or just walk around town. If you see someone interesting give them a compliment about their shoes, or a bag they're carrying, or their glasses, etc. If you're turned down, ask them if they have a single friend. If you're cute, they might have someone in mind. You could take an art class or take up a hobby like photography. You could take pictures of girls and offer to send them your photo, thereby getting their email address or cell phone number. Figure out a way to get girls to notice you. They might come up to you which will save you getting rejected. You only need to find one nice girl to get started.

 

Thank you for your response. I cannot afford to quit my job right now, if I did I would be left with no money and I would be worse off than I am now. I'm trying to find employment elsewhere but its hard because I work crazy hours.

 

Regarding the whole online thing, I agree with you 100%. I fantasize about relationships with some women I see online, but then in reality, it's absolutely nothing. I also agree with you on the bar scene, most women there just want to party and have a good time. I just need to get past the whole taking rejection personally thing. I've literally told women to "eff off" when they rejected me, it just makes me so angry, and I get it that its totally not right, which is why I'm trying to get past that.

[mack1490]

Figure out a way to get girls to notice you. They might come up to you which will save you getting rejected.

 

This goes back to the self esteem thing. I don't know what I could use that could get a women to notice me. I'm insecure about my body, because I'm not big and muscular like some guys are even though I go to the gym a lot. I'm six feet even, but I weight only 160 pounds if that. One thing I do get complimented on is my voice, its very deep and baritone like. But its like even when I lose my deep voice when I'm shaking or something, my confidence goes low. I basically don't feel as though I'm worth it to any women, because I know the dating market right now is competitive. There's just so many other dudes who are big and hulky, that I always feel that they'll attract the women and not me. I have had a women literally go to another guy and talk to him after talking to me, and that hurts right there.

[Lov3lyOn3]

Wow. This kind of sounds like me. I work in a jail and it can be depressing work sometimes. It can be very difficult working around inmates and other coworkers. I've felt the same way before where I would come home and stay in my room and not do anything. That is no way to live. I understand that you're afraid of rejection, but go on out and live your life. Hang out with friends or start a new hobby. Don't forcefully look for a partner, the right one will come in the right situation. But being sad and depressed is bad for your health. Your feelings can be projected onto other people without you knowing. Try to have some fun and be a little optimistic. I got depressed because it seemed as if I was only attracting males that were already in relationships. I never pursued anything with those guys, but I felt horrible because I thought I would only be liked by guys who wanted flings or something extra. I felt that I wouldn't het something real. As a result I would shut down and treat a lot of people badly. But that's not right for me, or you either.

 

Try to be happier, smile more and laugh more. But get up and out. Do something that you love outside of work. Like I mentioned before I work in a jail and if you let the job consume you it will.