I was in a toxic relationship but still miss my ex

[phillybilly]

So I met this girl about 4 years ago.

 

We were friends as we were both dating other people. I broke up with my gf at the time but she was still dating hers. We started to flirt at work and she would say how much she can't stand her current bf and that she wants to dump him. She says he emotionally abuses her and has even put his hands on her a couple times. She was sending me nude pictures while they were still dating so she clearly didn't care about this guy.

 

So they break up and about 2 months later me and her start dating.

 

Things were good for the first 8 months or so then she started showing some questionable signs.

 

-Extreme jealousy. If a girl I knew from High School or past jobs even said hi to me she would get mad. One time a former co-worker said hello at a bar and she dumped her beer out. I never cheated or did anything to make her not trust me. I was good to her

 

-Insecurity. She rarely had a nice thing to say about people

 

-Lack of ambition. She hated working and constantly complained about it no matter what the job was. She didn't want kids either and wanted to be a "stay at home dog mom".

 

-Poor handling of conflict. Even minor disagreements would turn into big fights and she would always leave the scene instead of talking it out.

 

-Other questionable behavior include: crying at a restaurant when they messed up her dish, then when they brought the new one out she refused to eat it. Not wanting me to watch Game of Thrones because of the nudity. Getting mad when my boss asked me to help train a female co-worker. Any time I did anything without her whether it be with friends or family she would get short with me.

 

So I put up with this crap for 3 years and finally I couldn't do it anymore. So we broke up and it was mutual.

 

3 weeks after our breakup she was back in a relationship with the guy she was dating when we met. It absolutely tore me apart that she moved on so quick especially with a guy who she claimed to hate. I know she isn't good for me but I still miss her like crazy. It's been 3 months since we broke up. What should I do?

[ClumsyGuy]

It's best to forget her and move on with your life. She has trust issues because she herself was cheating behind her ex's back when they were in relationship.

 

I know it hurts you because she is already dating this other guy who was her ex. It's because she is not strong enough to be single and heal herself without needing a man in her life. It doesn't mean that you are easily replaceable or that you are inferior, it only means that she is not strong enough to handle the pain of the breakup all by herself. She appears to me as an emotional mess. She's too much controlling with huge lack of self esteem. If she could cry over a dish at a restaurant, it shouldn't come off as a surprise if she is with some other guy for emotional support due to the hurt of the breakup.

 

At the same time, never forget all of her negative points that led to the breakup. Start focusing on yourself and build confidence, one day you'll laugh at this situation. Good luck!

[Pto29538]

You should just keep reading that post you put up over and over again and then you will realise how lucky you are to be out of this . You may miss the contact or having someone around etc and that is natural Nd you will still grieve for what could have been . Give yourself time to heal . The fact she is already back with a person you say she dislikes shows the fact she isn’t capable of being on her own not the fact that she is in a wonderful happy place so don’t let that part get you down . You have taken the monumental step of getting out of this relationship so be proud of that

[Bowandhat]

I'm just going to say this. You should feel extremely lucky you escaped that relationship. It sounds like she has the mentality of a child I'm sorry but crying because a restaurant messed up your dish. I've never heard of that. Like I think you need to reread everything you just type out. Because that sounds like madness. How you survived 3 years is beyond me. You deserve a medal. That sounds so mental exhausting. I don't mind the conflict because sometimes it's better to just walk away and cool down. But her jealous is on a whole other level. And you can't watch game of thrones because of nudity ?! Don't be hurt by this please. She obviously can't handle being alone either if she can rebound so fast which is probably another part of her immaturity.