Why does he act like he hates me?

[zredbird]

I was seeing this guy (I'll call him A) at uni for about a month and it was pretty intense, he'd be so sweet and kind to me and told all his friends and parents about me and everyone thought we were going to go out. Also he admitted to me he could see us together in the future, would see me every day and if he didn't see me for a few days would say he missed me and said it's crazy how he has all these feelings for me after such a short period time however he suddenly decided he wanted to just be friends as he didn't want a relationship as he'd gotten out of a 2 year one. I said that it was fine I'd be friends and we continued to be friends and still be close, the next week aswell we did a project together for our course and he was so flirty and I thought he was going to kiss me several times. He'd always message me and speak to me aswell so we were still good friends. That night I went out got really drunk and kissed a guy but he told me that A's friends told him A would kick off at him for getting with me, so I went to speak to him saying why when we're just friends. It turned into a full argument and as I was very angry I said things I regret and didn't mean, like for him to leave me alone and I want nothing to do with him. We both went home for the week after that aswell. The next day though I apologised and said I was just angry and very drunk and meant nothing of it and I was really upset about it. He said to forget about it and it's fine, even though it obviously wasn't. I got drunk a few days after and was messaging him and apologised again saying how upset I was and he assured me it was fine, he kept sending loads of messages saying not to worry or be upset that its honestly alright and to enjoy my night. After that we were alright, it wasn't back to normal but we spoke. When we got back last week we met to finish our project and we were getting on well again joking around etc but since then it's gone downhill. As the week goes on he seems to be more and more annoyed at me and I don't know why, I asked him the other day saying "we're okay aren't we?" and he ignored it. When we speak it's alright but he tried to avoid me as much as possible, usually we walk to lectures together but now he doesn't ask and just goes with someone else, who he doesn't even like. He's making it very clear he's annoyed at me and I really don't know why as it's just got worse as the weeks gone on, he makes little digs aswell about him and other girls and told me his friends get annoyed at me out but they came up to me to say hi and hug me the other night and when i asked they looked confused and said no. Also, when we were a thing his best friend would always come and say to me to trust him and his feelings are so genuine for me and he always is talking about me all the time. Why does he act like he hates me and what do I do?

[katrina1980]

Sounds like he's too emotionally immature to have a relationship. He is obviously incapable of handling the strong emotions that would make having a healthy functional relationship possible.

 

As a result, he will "love" you one minute and "hate" you the next. Crazy-making behavior.

 

And very very immature.

 

Do you remember how boys acted in third grade when they had a crush on you? They were mean, said mean things, would steal my hat. That's how they dealt with those emotions.

 

In third grade it's normal, but once a boy becomes an adult man, he really should have learned how to deal.

 

This guy has not, he's a MESS. Very emotionally immature.

 

As for you, please stop getting drunk and sending him your own fair share of nasty messages.

 

You are only adding to the toxicity of the situation.

 

If it were me, it would be NEXT.

 

Unless you're into drama, and pain, cause that's all I see here.

 

Sorry I couldn't be more positive.

[zredbird]

Yeah, the only thing is he was in a relationship for 2 years and it seemed to be really good and he treated her really well so idk why he's acting like this now. Yeah that was a one off and a big mistake I completely apologised. I really like him and everything but I just want to be normal or even friends with him but he's really acting like he hates me it's only been this week for a few days like at the start of the week he was normal but it's gradually got worse now.

[katrina1980]

Some people (couples) bring out the worst in each other.

 

Sounds like this is what is happening here, in your relationship.

 

Good relationships bring out the best in each other.

 

Not sure how you get there, based on what you've posted, better communication maybe? More understanding of your respective natures?

 

I don't know, imo it should come naturally, either you are emotionally compatible or you're not.

 

I've been with men who have brought out the absolute worst in me. And as a result, I have brought out the worst in them too. The negativity just bounces back and forth, it's exhausting!

 

I don't like that feeling AT ALL, so I eventually ended it.

[zredbird]

Yeah when we were a thing though we were so good together and we got on so well and it felt so natural, he just really suddenly ended it and that's when it went bad as he said he didn't care when he obviously did, but he really did bring out the best in me as I'm a really insecure person and he's so confident it helped bring my confidence up a lot and I was so happy with him

[katrina1980]

Yeah when we were a thing though we were so good together and we got on so well and it felt so natural, he just really suddenly ended it and that's when it went bad as he said he didn't care when he obviously did, but he really did bring out the best in me as I'm a really insecure person and he's so confident it helped bring my confidence up a lot and I was so happy with him

 

Well then it's back to what I said before then, right?

 

He is too immature to handle the emotions you brought out in him, in the long term. It's always great in the "beginning" then the reality of it all hits. That is when the problems start.

 

Perhaps the ex he had two year relationship with did not bring out those same emotions.

 

Maybe he was "comfortable" with her without the deeper emotion.

 

My brother sounds very much like this guy.

 

He can stay with a woman for years as long as there is not deep emotion.

 

Once he meets a woman he actually "feels" something for, on a deeper level, he proceeds to sabotage and push her away.

 

Often times in a very cruel way too, without meaning to be cruel.

 

I think you need to walk away.

 

The guy has got issues, clearly.

 

Think about whether or not you want this type of man and relationship in your life.

 

Love isn't enough to resolve this, unfortunately.