Very strange behaviour... What kind of personality issue is this??

[angel1980]

I am a parent of a 13 year old daughter.

I was with her dad about 2 years. Relationship was quite toxic to be fair, found him quite a narcissist at times, plus compulsive liar.

I fell pregnant and he just didnt seem to care, left me for someone else, never bothered with me through whole pregnancy and i was left to rot alone in a hostel, he wasnt at scans or birth.

Then i STILL gave him 3 years of chances to step up once daughter was born. His visits and phonecalls were inconsistent (longest gap was 7 months), always saying he had no money to help me, always had to bring his new GF with him for visits, sly digs at me whenever possible.

Last time i saw him was a weekend when i had trusted them to have daughter over night (it was her i trusted as she was a decent person who came from good family and i had warmed to her, i realised she had been fooled by him). Next day daughter is dropped home and the gf mails me later to say she has finished with him as she has realised what sort of person he is... he had apparently gone out all weekend and left her to feed, bathe and put daughter to bed and tend to her next day. I sent him an angry text saying i know what he did. He tried to call me twice and i ignored... that was last time we heard from him.

 

Fast forward 10 years and now my daughter is out of control, sneaking out whilst I am asleep, stealing off me, smoking weed daily, hanging around with older guys, violent towards me and no respect for our belongings.

Police were out a lot and I was ground down to the limit and felt as weak as hell, it got to the point where I was anxious and had to leave my job. Childrens services removed my daughter from my care and out the area to a secure childrens home 4-5 hours away.

Obviously I am heartbroken and go to see her every saturday, even though i travel 4-5 hours on train there, see her for 3.5 hours and then do the 4-5 hours home. Its tiring but it wont stop me.

My goal is to move area and build my confidence and strength back up, whilst they do some work with her, so we can be back together as soon as possible.

 

Anyway because all of this went through court, the authorities traced and contacted her 'dad' as he has parental rights to know whats happened apparently, even though he never seemed to care and hasnt been involved for 10.5 years.. and from this its leading to him having contact with daughter again. First time is this monday.

My solicitor suggested I maybe contact him too so that I have some say in what happens with him or else i wont have any say whatsoever.

 

So i decide to message him and try to think of it as past is the past, he was young and stupid n maybe he has grown up and realised a few things. Was giving him benefit of doubt, not that i had much of a choice as it was what the court ordered.

He said he wanted to see daughter and make up for lost time and he regretted being an idiot in past.

 

We exchanged a few messages and then he made a couple of remarks which instantly made me change my mind that maybe he has changed.

He asked how daughter was, i said she is ok but she really misses home and the cats.

He then replied 'cats!?!? Well... we have dogs. I hope they are not any of those ugly looking rat things'.

I was shocked..like he not been around all this time and rather than just say 'aw i bet she does miss them', he makes a remark within first few messages to me like that as if to say what he has is better and asserting dominance.

 

He then asked what daughters fav food is and i explained how i am vegan so cook all that sort of stuff at home, but daughter does eat meat if she is at a friends. Then he made another cocky remark about how i could always just eat grass.

After that second remark i told him he only just had his foot back in the door after 10 years so had no room to be being cocky to me in the first few messages. Its like a total false over confidence. The guy doesnt even know me or what im about any more.

 

Anyway i see him in court 2 weeks back, first time I have seen him since that weekend when they dropped her home.

And his behaviour just made me recoil even more in disgust and concern.

I had to sit in waiting room with him for 1.5 hours and try to be civil even though I am feeling uncomfortable.

So we are sat in a quiet court waiting room and he starts telling me within 15 minutes all about his relationship problems and how his current gf is very mentally ill and has tried to strangle him and stab him. How he has no clue why he got back with her etc.

I not seen this guy for 10 years and it ended very sour with us with him not caring about me or his kid, so why on earth is he telling me all this like im his friend, straight off the batt?

Then he starts telling me about his brothers love for food and how he started thinking about kfc whilst having sex with a girl and his penis went floppy.

He was talking very loud, loud enough for the other people in waiting room to hear.

I was thinking 'you dont even know me any more so why do you think you know me well enough to be telling me things like this, plus very loud in court waiting room for everyone to hear'.

And then icing on cake was when he reminded me of a time i had been drunk and climbed on top of him and rode him and then rolled off and went to sleep. This was all as equally as loud. I was so embarrassed and went to the loo.

 

What on earth is wrong with this guy? What could possibly up with him mentally to firstly start thinking its ok to be making cocky remarks to me when he should be sheepish and apologising for being a deadbeat.

And then all that weird talk in court.

 

I have told the authorities about the behaviour and they just said he will have to go through parenting assessments, plus contact will be supervised, so to trust them.

But i am not so sure if i do trust them, or him... what sort of crap might he tell my daughter? Its a worry.

 

What are peoples opinions on this odd behaviour he is displaying straight from the word go? when in my eyes he should have his tail between his legs, not being cocky and spurting verbal diahhrea about stuff i dont even want to hear about or remember. All very odd and a huge concern.. and i just hope the authorities know what they are doing

[DanZee]

When a case like this is in the hands of the court, anything can happen. You can even have the court deciding not to grant either of you custody. You should concentrate all your effort on making your case for custody as strong as possible.

 

You asked specifically what kind of personality issue he has and I would say it's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. From what you described he would score a 10 out of 10 on the chart. Hopefully the Children Services folks will see that.

[angel1980]

I am doing all they ask so fingers crossed. I am in therapy working on my own confidence, plus attending a coping skills group. Also am getting the ball rolling with moving out of the area.

Plus have been visiting and calling daughter as much as possible.

 

I just hope they do see his dodgy side, as he really fooled me for months when i got with him, plus the girl after me.

Would have liked to think he had grown up and changed, and his compulsive lying and being cocky was just immaturity, but seems as though not.

He will have to have psychological assessment, so hope thet detect his issues. My daughter

does not need any more bad influence