Jump to content

Ex goes off on me days after she initiated sex....

Recommended Posts

So my ex and I were together for over a year. We created a bond that has lasted up through today. Back on Valentines day she decided to cut things off. I was devastated and went into a depression state. I achieved so many things afterwards though that brought me out of that horrible state. Through that time, we kept contact, even went to the beach together this past summer. After we had broken up, it seemed to me she found someone instantly, which isn't surprising as she is beautiful.


This past summer, she invited me to go to the beach with her daughter, brother, and his daughter. I was really close with them all, so I decided to go. It was a vacation to me, and I tried my damndest to enjoy it. Through the vacation, I knew she had another person in her life, and it crushed me as she told me about her trip prior to going with him. She explained that her daughter even slept in a bed by herself, which she was 3 at the time, and she normally would never allow it. To me that was basically telling me her and the person in her life had sex on the other bed while the kid was sleeping. It hurt for her to tell me those things, and she knew it because she would always apologize. Well during that trip my hopes were to rekindle what we use to have in the past, but one night I screwed up and went into a silent mode after she said that when she gets back into town after the beach trip she needed to go see somebody. At that moment I figured she was talking about the guy she has now, but in reality it was a friends house that she even discussed with me prior to going to the beach, and wanted to take me along.


Fast forward through the summer, her and I are still hanging out at every possible moment. All of these times was her contacting me to hang out, and I agreeing. Through this time, we became close again, having dinner/lunch. Talking about our problems. Watching different movies/TV shows together. It seemed to me that we were moving back into a direction that I was aiming for. Well one day she starts to tell me that her and the current boyfriend aren't working and that she is cutting him off. By telling me that she didn't want me to get the wrong idea. To me that was great hearing, but as she said I didn't want to cross any boundaries. Time went on, we were still very close. She called me almost every day, every weekend we would be together. I would drive her and her daughter around and we would have dinner/lunch.


Well just in the last month, it would seem that we were basically bf/gf once again, but it wasn't official. At the start of the month, it was her daughters birthday, and we collaborated on what to get for her. We came to a conclusion, and made it work. We held the birthday party at the kids school, and everything. Had a wonderful time. Now throughout the last couple of weeks, my ex became very very close with me. Asking me to massage her and giving present ideas for xmas when we were out shopping, etc. One day we were at the local mall, and she had found a jacket she really liked, and I said maybe Santa could get it for her, which was meaning myself, and she knew. Two days after, I went to the store during my lunch to find that same jacket hoping it wasn't sold out as it was the last one of that kind when we were there earlier in the week. I found it and purchased it. She had called me during that time when I was in the store, and basically I advised that I wanted to go and get it as it was the last one in stock, and she was ecstatic that I had got it.


During this week, I was over at her house numerous times as she invited me over. Well one night while giving her legs a massage, at one point she looked over at me and asked if I had a condom, which I said no but I said I would pull out. Well that initiated sex, and we went at it intensely. At the end of the night I left as I had work the following day, we made out before I left. Well the following day, after work we met up, I brought plan b as I wanted to take extra precaution. We had dinner and caught up on TV shows and hang out like a family, while I continued to give her and her daughter massages. At the end of each night I would end it with making out with her, and she never opted out. Well this all happened this past week.


Yesterday, she invited me over. I was out about to go wash my car, and she said that they could come too and get lunch after, if that was fine. I agreed and went and picked them up. When I arrived I waited in my car for them to come down as there weren't any spots. When they came down, I strapped her daughter into her car seat, and was going to open the passenger side door for my ex as I usually do. Well she pulled me aside, and told me that what had happened the other night was a mistake, and all the kissing and touching cant happen as she is seeing someone and trying to build a relationship with them. To me what she stated there made me feel horrible, as if I raped her without her consent, even though she was the one to initiate the sex that other night. I told her that what she just said paints me as a horrible person in my head, and asked why she never said anything beforehand. She never gave me a direct answer, only saying it was her fault. She's always been the type of person that doesn't like too much touching, and she went on to complain that during the past week I was doing just that. Touching too much, which made me go on a tangent asking why didn't she tell me, or stop me. That was all that needed to happen, but didn't. She just kept saying I should have known, or that it was her fault.


Well we went and washed my car, tensions were high. Well after we washed my car, waiting to get out on the road, she wanted me to make the nearest uturn, which in my mind was what I was going to do anyways so that we could go have lunch. Traffic was a nightmare, and it was not letting up so I could reach the lane to make a uturn. What I decided to do was to get on the road, and then take them down and around a scenic route, so that we could drive alongside the waterfront and avoid the traffic. To me I made this decision in a split second, not thinking it was a big deal as it was beautiful outside. Well that decision pissed my ex off, and she went off on why I didn't just make the uturn where she told me too, as the way I took was taking too long and I had no patience. I tried explaining myself, but she wasn't listening to a word I said, and demanded to be taken home. Which is what I did.


Once we arrived back, I told her I had her jacket, and if she wants to take it now. Of coarse she she yes, and I gave it to her. She then invited me to go get lunch with them. That was what I originally was going to do, and I was hungry so I agreed. Plus on top of that her daughter being so innocent, was looking forward to being around me, and I didn't want to upset her. We went and had lunch, during that time, she acted as if what occurred earlier never happened. Everything that did happen was still fresh to me, and I still had questions. I decided to order alcohol since she was the one driving and I hoped for it to numb the thoughts that were running through my head. It helped somewhat.


After eating, we went back to her place. She wanted to relax, and watch a movie. That movie was not out on any platforms yet, and she wanted me to see if I could find it so we could all watch it. I went onto a certain website, and found a high quality version and downloaded it. We ended up watching it, her on one side of her couch, while myself on the other, with her daughter spread out in between us. During that movie time, she was laughing, and talking throughout the movie, and myself was trying to ignore her and watch the movie. I think she took notice when a couple of times she was in tears laughing and all I did was give a smirk. The movie ended, and she took her daughter to bed as she fell asleep on top of me. Then I prepared to leave. Usually from this past week, when leaving I would hug her and she would go in for the kiss. This time leaving I called for the elevator, and stood apart from her. She asked if I could text her once I get home so she knows I got there safe. I said sure, and got on the elevator. Once I arrived home, I shot a simple text "got home good night" which her response was "glad you did. Night" I left that message simple, what I usually respond with is "just got in, hope you have a good night, sweet dreams" in which she responds in a similar format. With her response tonight, I see the distance.


I never asked for this, and with her being my ex I can understand that you may/could do something you don't intend to do, but why drag someone on to believe it when you never had the intentions, if that makes sense. I felt like I've been mind ed for the past month. Now going forward I don't ever want to initiate contact, and I really don't know if I should even respond when she reaches out to me. I've decided for the start of this week, if she calls, I am going to just ignore it and call her back later. We had plans for next Saturday which I have to live up to as I agreed to come to an event when my ex and I were on good terms. I will be going with my ex, but everyone at the party thinks that we're a couple. It will definitely be awkward, but I guess we'll see how that goes...


tl;dr My concern throughout all of this is why would my ex lead me on to think we're getting somewhere, then initiate sex which we both enjoyed. Then days after tell me all of that needs to stop as she is trying to build a relationship with someone else? Makes me so confused. Side note, there is a 6 year differnece between my ex and I, her being older.

Link to comment

She led you on for two reasons:


1) You allowed it


2) She was on the outs with her new boyfriend and wanted attention and affection. Now that she is dating another guy, she doesn't need you to fill that role for her. It's not complicated, really, but it's awfully selfish and immature on her part.


You have to let her go. You seem like a very kind person, but you've got to realize she's been seeing you again for all the wrong reasons. It's not fair to you or her child. Don't waste any more of your time, money or heart with her. She's not into you the way you are into her, unfortunately.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...