Feel like I'm going crazy, is he being truthful or is it just an excuse?

[zredbird]

So me and this guy have been involved ever since we started university a month ago. We had seen each other every single day since and he had acted like he really likes me alot. Just a few examples, he would constantly be kissing and cuddling me, always saying he really likes me, he had made plans for us in the future eg going to disneyland, saying i need to visit him back home, he even called himself my boyfriend by accident then got embarrassed, he would get jealous of guys with me, told his parents about me, we had a really deep moment a week ago where he said he could imagine us being together and showed me him telling his mates hes gonna see how it goes. All in all, he acted like he really liked me, we would always watch movies. Also, last week he got very drunk and i had to look after him, he kept saying how much he loves me and facetimed his mum to say im looking after him, he also texted her the next day saying i looked after him and was lke im getting you in the good books. At the beginning he said he didnt want a relationship as he has recently gotten out of a 2 year one but he hadnt said it recently and really acted like he was into me saying all this stuff like the boyfriend thing etc. On monday we spent all day together he was cuddley and kissy etc but then suddenly the next day it was like it had all changed. He came to see me today and told me that he just wants to be friends without the sex (btw we've only had sex like 3 times, i would want it more but we just wouldnt have it). He said he only saw us as friends the whole time and when i questioned him about it saying like why did u say u liked me and asked me to go for a meal with him etc and he was like because i do like u as a friend and would still go for a meal with u now as a friend. When I brought up the kissing and stuff he said he just felt like he wanted to then and now he doesnt want to hug and kiss me. When I mentioned him saying he could see up together he said he did in that moment as we got really deep with each other and at the time he wanted to but then he said there are things he thought he could get over but couldnt, eg one time when i went out i had a drag of a cigarette, and he said he could never be with someone who had ever touched a cigarette. I kinda played it off to him that it's fine but i'm just a bit like wth as he didn't act like we're just friends and he just apologised. It's so strange as how he acted is not it at all what he's saying and everyone says it around me whos seen us together, everyone thought he really likes me and we'd be together, all his friends called me his wifey and his best mate came up to me and told me to trust him and his feelings are genuine. We still have to be friends as we are lab partners and i dont mind as i do like his as a person and when our convo finished we were just talking like normal. I really need some help getting my head around this, is he telling the truth or is it just an excuse? Never been more confused in my life

[willdation]

Just say "I have feelings for ya and I'd love to see you, but I can't just be friends, so you have my number if you change your mind." And walk away with no contact...I bet he'll end up writing ya within the next week...

[DimCrayola]

EEK, this one is tough. This has happened to me A LOT. A guy will set clear boundaries and kind of friend zone ya...then as they get comfortable they test the water with physical affection - maybe even sex. Then when it appears as though the relationship may becoming more than friendly and their might be feelings that could get confused they RUN. I am not sure why but I do know that the best way to deal with it is the way willdation suggested. Be clear with your boundaries...explaining that the friend zone line has been breached and now you are unable to pretend that it wasn't isn't an option shows you are self aware, ask for what you want and will not settle for repeat friendzone breaches. You are not a toy...so don't let him play with you.

[zredbird]

Yeah only thing is we're in the same flats and course and we're lab partners so can't really avoid each other so I just made out to him that it's fine I want to be mates anyway just that i don't find it very believable that he felt nothing for me and acted like that. Also another weird thing I forgot to add was that the whole time he was sat in his coat and when we ended the convo and he took it off he had massive sweatpatches on his top and said he was too nervous to take his coat off, and then before he left to go back to his room he asked me for a hug but I said no I don't want him to get sweat on me.

[MovieGuy18]

I agree with the two posters above. Pretend he doesn't exist anymore and let him reach out to you. In terms of you seeing one another, be polite but don't stay to chat. Keep things brief if you talk or see each other (hell, don't say anything if you have the option). Sounds to me like he used you for sex and either doesn't know how he feels or genuinely doesn't want a relationship with you (could be because he is a player and found someone else to fulfill his needs already). No way to know for sure why he is acting how he is and it's pointless to try to figure it out. You'll drive yourself nuts.

 

Focus on yourself and do things you enjoy and try not to focus on him and this situation so much. Go out and have fun and if you leave him be, he'll likely reach out if he isn't an A-hole.

[willdation]

If he tells you he just wants to be friends and is even ok with not having sex...well, this is what he wants...it is plain and simple....just keep your options and don't put your life on hold.....I understand it can be tough since when you sleep with someone you develop feelings for them etc. etc.

[zredbird]

Yeah i'm not too fussed as it takes a lot for me to like a guy like that, I am just a bit confused as it's a bit of a punch in the face saying he felt nothing for me when he acted like that haha, we've spoken since aswell like I've borrowed some of his stuff if I don't have any he's offered to let me use them but i guess only time will tell and see how he acts with me haha