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So I've posted on here before about my long distance relationship. We broke up originally in August mainly because of distance (he lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast - and he's been planning to move here for quite some time) but then kind of got back together until we saw each other when we had decided we'd break up for good. I last saw him about a month ago, we haven't gone a day without talking, he still calls me all the time, tells me he loves me, we have talked about our future and he is still exclusive to me (I am too but I didn't promise him that). So essentially all that has changed is the obligation to each other and that I can technically see other people if I want (although I know it would destroy him)


It's a really weird situation, I know. Most contact is initiated by him and everything romantic has come from him. During our relationship I would get really frustrated at him for not texting or communicating enough, and now he does that much better and more. I've tried to talk to him about our situation and he said that he's confused about what we should do as well. He agrees that we're basically still together, just without the label - and he hopes that in a year (or I guess like 10 months now) when he officially moves to the east coast that we can really be together.


I love him a lot, but he's so self involved and self destructive. He's isolated himself from most of his friendships because they're all on the opposite side of the country. He has no follow through, his depression truly gets the best of him. He's been insensitive and thoughtless towards everyone in his life at times, even though I know he's a good person. Things for him would be a lot better if he took the chance and moved so he could have me, his friends, and pursue the amazing job opportunity waiting for him here. But I've stopped telling him this. He told me that without me as his girlfriend (I guess officially) he has been very negative, has been drinking, smoking weed and bingeing a good deal. I told him he couldn't come to me for comfort about losing me because I don't know how to handle it.


I'm just so unhappy and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be in an official relationship with him because I don't want to do distance anymore and I don't trust him but I don't want to be with anyone else and I don't want to lose him. He's my best friend, I talk to him more than anyone else and he truly is my sounding board for everything and we still have really wonderful conversations. He makes me smile and listens to me and genuinely knows me and I know how much he loves me. Every time I've tried to distance myself from him I fail and he doesn't let me go.


My life has actually been getting a lot better, I have close friends and family and I just got an amazing job opportunity but I just am so sad about this situation. I genuinely don't know what I want or what to do and it's killing me. I really think he's my person, I've honestly known it since we first started talking and I think we do have a future if he matures and moves over. I don't know if the best way to accomplish us being together in a year is to stay this close or to genuinely take space from each other, or even if either of us could handle that.


I guess I'm posting here again because I just feel lost and alone. If anyone has gone through a similar experience I'd really appreciate hearing about it. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation and it's just really draining me.

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Why don't you just let him go entirely? Sounds like one or both of you are too chicken to pull the plug on this relationship and the promise of moving is the weak glue that is keeping you two in communications.


Let him go, I don't say this to be mean, but this way he is not bound by the promise of moving. If he wants to move, then he will move, if he doesn't then he doesn't. Also, letting him go means you can be free to explore without guilt and you can work on you and make yourself happy again, and he can work on himself and see if he can work on not being so self destructive. In other words....


Place yourself in a position that if this guy does move, you can have the choice to have him in your life or not. I know its far easier said than done, but what good is this limbo doing for the two of you? Let him go and if he does move, he knows how to find you.

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