How can I stop feeling sad

[stargirl456]

So my ex boyfriend and I broke up a little more than a month ago, sep 11 but the last time we talked was about 2 weeks ago, sep 29th. It did not end well, it ended in an argument because he got mad that someone showed him my tinder account and said "i thought you werent over me". That confused me because couple days before that he explicitly told me to move on because he doesn't want to try anymore. It made me very sad that this made him angry, I hate this animosity between us. I love him but I dont think I would take him back because of how much of an he has been after the breakup. The day he broke up with me he said he didnt love me anymore, but how can you stop loving someone after a year and six months. I feel like im still in denial even though its been a month. i guess it doesnt help that all my friends left for college and im the only one that stayed home. Ive been feeling really unmotivated and sad, i dont know what to do. Ive heard that he joined a fraternity which I find super weird since his whole life he was drinking alcohol and doing drugs.

The breakup was a really complicated one. At first he told me he wanted a break until december so he would get his grades up and his parents would get off his back. I didnt want to do that because I believed we could be together and he could still focus in school. Things got really complicated, his parents removed his phone almost everyday and I wouldnt hear from him, we never went out anymore because his parents wouldnt let him use the car or do anything. he got tired of all the drama and how difficult everything was getting so he broke up with me instead. im very hurt because i keep thinking he'll come back but he has told me he doesnt want to try again.

 

 

Im sorry if this is all over the place. I just need some tips to try and overcome this heartache

[Carus]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It truly is horrible and not one of us enjoys it.

 

The bad news is, it's only been one month so you have a ways to go yet.. And it will take as long as it takes so be patient with yourself ok!?

 

The good news is that eventually you WILL be feeling better and will come out a little stronger and more knowledged than you are now.

 

Please do some research on Attachment Styles.

 

Here is a present for you:

 

Sending you Strength

Carus*

[loip9114]

As Carus said, unfortunately it's going to take some time. But there are a lot of things you can do to make sure that amount of time is as little as possible.

 

We cannot heal faster than we are able to, but we can make sure to prolong the process. Things like keeping in touch, stalking his social media, constantly attempting to get back with or at him. All those things will only make the pain last longer than it should. Really read that recovery guide, it gives a fair amount of tips as to what you can do to avoid those things.

 

Maybe somethings now that can give you some help:

1) The chaos you feel at this point is completely natural. You had some form of order in your life for 1.5 years, this became your status quo for that time. Now 1 month ago it has changed and these things are major changes. It always takes us some time to adapt to this change, but that's what we can do. Humans are capable of adapting to great changes.

2) Be kind to yourself, maybe you want to send him your love and all that. You might still feel that way. But the person who actually deserves it the most and needs it the most now is yourself. So all the love you would normally give him, give it to yourself.

3) Refrain from 'what if's'. I honestly think these things are the road to insanity. Constantly thinking ' what if I did this or that' will only drive you crazy. The past has been done and all you can do is forgive yourself for the mistakes you believe you made. Also assumptions are just that, assumptions. They aren't grounded in reality and you cannot be sure they are real or not. Believing to strongly in them will drive you insane as well.

4) Get it all out, let the emotions be. You cannot fight them, they need to be there. Grief and heal. Also just post anything you feel. A lot of us here are going through these motions and some of us are steps ahead of you. Some of us are even out of it already. So if you ask how can I deal with this, most likely you'll get some tips and help from us.

 

Stay strong and you'll get there!