my day has already come

[littlepinkpunk]

the other day i posted on here for poeple to talk to me privately and help me out, i did that because i had no time to stay here and explain...

 

first off, i've had suiicidalfeelings since about 12 (i'm 18), they come and go, but i never thought they were MAJOR. a few months ago i reached a day where i was so DOWN i really didn't think i was going to live past that day. ever since that day i have felt dead, empty,worthless. i really feel like i was supposed to die that day. this is my second chance to pick up and keep going, but idon't think i can.

 

my other situation?

 

my brother dropped out of highschool at 16, he's now 22 with a baby on the way. neither him nor his gf have jobs, and they really arent trying very hard to support themselves or a baby. they are both living here, and i'm sure they still will be when the baby is born (in august). i'm 18 and i'm trying to find a college to go away to this year so i can get out of this house (plus i'm not fond of the local colleges).

my brother has always been this way. he's a bum, and he's always asking my parents for money. i have hopes of going to vanderbilt in the next couple years and i think he's taking that away from me. i wanted to live comfortably at home until i was READY to move out, but i know i can't stay here with THEM and a baby that i know my parents will mostly likely e paying for. my parents are not "poor" or "rich"...you could say we're the upper half of the middle, but all of the money is going to them, and i need money to pay for application fees for college, and other fees for graduation this year. i know that i should have a job, but i don't have any time righ tnow because i'm taking really hard classes that consume ALL of my time.

 

sorry for the long explanation, that's as short as i could get it. all in all, my parents still support my brother and his girlfriend, but not me. they think i have no reason to feel this wya and "i need to grow up and get over it." i love my parents AND my brother, but i have been pushing him for YEARS to get up and get a job (without quitting) and make something of himself.

but my parents tell me i'm wrong. they sympathise for him.

 

sometimes i don't think i can make it, but i know i have to. but i always feel so empty and like i am already dead.

[CarterJonas]

Well you do seem to have a lot going on in your life at the moment.

 

Firstly have you talked to a doctor regarding your suicidal feelings?

 

I also did some stressful subjects while doing my A levels (in the UK) and I also had no time for a job. Have you talked to your parents about wanting to go to college, about not having free time to work and whether they will help you?

[Starless]

Hey,im sorry to hear about you situation.Have u tried applying for any scholarships's or grants for college?my sister had the same problem you did and she got into college because she applied for a grant and got accepted.its something that you should look into.and about your suicidal thoughts just know that if you keep a positive attitude and keep tellling yourself things will get better they most likely will.I have suicidal thoughts sometimes myself but i keep them supressed by saying to myself that im am in control,not the depression.I think you could make it far in college u sound like your a very dedacated person when it comes to your school work.Remember,you can achieve anything you set your mind too.you can always pm me if u need someone to talk too also-hope it works out for you.

[littlepinkpunk]

thank you guys so much. i am applying for scholarships, but i haven't heard anything.

[Starless]

Your welcome ,keep us informed on how things are going for you.

[littlepinkpunk]

i'll keep an update as soon as i hear anything,

[kayjay]

Hey, you know im in almost the same situation as you and sucide has crossed my mind like tons of time. My parents have to deal with a disabled daughter and a son that doesnt seem like he wants to do anything with his life except play guitar. Its really tough because i feel like their leaving me out because im the least of their problems. What kept me going was what i had going for me in the future, i had a beautiful, nice g/f at the time and my school work was improving. Really in this situation if you want things to happen you gotta make them happen, don't expect your parents to help you out with that, i know its tough but later on in life you will feel so proud of yourself that you've accomplished so much and this is just another step in making you the person you we're born to be. Just keep at it, i swear it will pay off, things will get better if you give it the chance to