9mnths post-breakup

[nicsau]

I was extremely sad (not eating, only crying everyday) for 3 months, then crying almost everyday for another 2months, followed by crying on/off for the next 2months. Then I thought I was doing great as I was enjoying life, up until yesterday.

The catalyst?- started contacting the ex. I thought I was doing great, and then I decided that it was time for me to get our photos and put them onto a harddrive for storage- so I did that and it was fine, all i could feel from the photos was - we had good experiences together (but still remembered all our incompatibilities) and I was fine. I then decided to msg him to ask him if he could send me our photos from our very first trip together 3 years ago, which he replied he would (but still hasn't, but apologised saying he would get round to it).

He then also msgd that he broke his ankle - which i ignored.

I'm not sure why this last 2 days , I've felt that deep sadness from within about our relationship. In fact, i'm crying about it right now.

He broke up with me, and I told myself I will never ask him if we can get back together.

It just hurts just as much as it did in the 4th/5th month postbreakup.

I know there is no correct time to get over someone, but this really hurts still,when I thought I had gotten rid of this deep sadness feeling.

[Clio]

I then decided to msg him to ask him if he could send me our photos from our very first trip together 3 years ago

 

This^^ is where you went wrong. This is where your mind played a nasty trick on you. Whether you want to admit it or not, this was your mind bargaining/ trying to bring him back into your life. Yet, contacting them for whatever reason is like reopening the wound. You need to treat him as dead, which means no contact whatsoever just as you cannot contact someone who is dead. In a way he is. The man in these photos no longer exists. Retrieving these photos will hurt your healing and has zero value. You are opening yourself to being used for his own emotional comfort/ guilt relief/ ego stroke/ friendzoning hence the pointless "broke his ankle" message.

 

This is just a minor setback. Healing is not a straightforward process. No need to feel bad about it. Everyone has setbacks. The main thing is to learn from them and keep going. Keep focusing on the things that you enjoy. It WILL get better.

[Miastar]

The man in these photos no longer exists. Retrieving these photos will hurt your healing and has zero value.

 

I think this is really important to remember. No matter what you had with him, and he had with you, will never be replicated with someone else. We are constantly changing, and he is no longer who he was when he was with you. Just as you are no longer who you were, it's time for a change.

 

I know it's sad I'm struggling too but I feel like somehow it does get better (I mean, it has to doesn't it?!). Just allow the ebb and flow of the feelings to go through you.

[Miastar]

Oh and I was ALWAYS a mess after being in contact with my ex. I see a therapist weekly and she commented on the weeks when I'd been an absolutely blubbering hopeless mess, and they were always the weeks where I'd been texting the ex. Sigh. It just causes massive amounts of pain.

[No1]

Would of life been okay if you didnt have those photos? Of course it would, but you wanted them and it re opened wounds. Now you learned your lesson. Sometimes its better to let things go.

Dont get all emotional over it. I know heartbreak hurts but as Clio said, you opened yourself up and now you are paying for it. Delete the photos, you dont need them because you have all the memories you need. Photos will only keep those emotional ties healthy.