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Please help..


M13

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Hi guys,

I really need some perspective here. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months now and everything was beyond perfect. I never fell for anyone this hard.

 

3 weeks ago we went on a vacation and 2 days before we went I felt my mood kinda drop , I was tired and just not feeling too much. For the first time ever I thought I might be losing feelings for her because I didnt get that spark feeling when she kissed me once ( Im aware of how stupid that is) and was able to just let that go and i didnt dwell on it. I was still very happy with her. Until one day at the vacation we were in our room and we were about to have sex (before we got into a small argument and she said that she's gonna try and make it better and for some reason that made me panicky) and I wasnt really feeling it so I stopped it and told her that I've been feeling kinda numb and weird these past few days and we had a long long talk and we fell asleep happy. I remember thinking I love this girl ,Im not letting her go , before falling asleep.

 

The thing is..the next morning I woke up with this sinking feelings and an anxiety attack 'you dont love her anymore, you dont love her,' and ever since then i cant feel anything but anxiety. I couldnt even enjoy our vacation because everything felt weird. The nature and the seaside would usually make me so happy but i felt nothing but anxiety and sadness. Every morning Id wake up with an anxiety attack and i would sob to her and I told her excatly how i was feeling.

 

When we got back from vacation and we seperated I reazlied im extremely depressed. My whole world felt like it collapsed, i was out with friends and i couldnt stop thinking about her . Constantly trying to figure out how one anxiety attack took away all my feelings and why I couldnt calm down anymore. Being with friends- i felt disconnected, i felt like i was in a different dimension and I just really wanted to see her. When I saw her later that day I felt a bit better but the depression was there and everything felt so weird.

 

3 days ago I got put on medication for anxiety and depression and I hope to God this helps. Its very confusing in my head right now..Shes always in the center of it. Its always like Im trying to find those feelings and when i dont feel it i get so anxious and sad. I look at our pictures and cry because I remember how happy I was just 3 weeks ago. So happy and in love like never before. Now it feels like all the love has been replaced by anxiety and sadness. I dont know how to cope anymore. Every morning I wake up with that sinking feeling and everytime Im with her I feel the absense of my feelings and it makes me so sad. I get panick attacks, I get so angry at myself.

 

It got to a point where I even broke up with her cause I thought the anxiety was a sign i didnt love her anymore but I felt even worse.

My question is; do you think its the depression and anxiety? What could this be? I know what it feels like not to be in love and this doesnt feel like it. I still find her super attractive and we even have sex when my anxiety isnt too much and its amazing. I still like holding her and kissing her and all that its just that my thoughts NEVER STOP so i can never FULLY relax anymore. Im beyond heartbroken by this..I just want my feelings back, i dont want to lose my baby.

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Wow you are having a strong reaction to the end of limerence.

 

 

 

In nonmonogamy they cal it NRE or New Relationship Energy. It's also called the honey moon phase or puppy love. That head over heels feeling doesn't last. It's a bunch of love drugs. It makes you high. But long lasting relationships don't hold onto that feeling forever. It would be terrible if they did. When I'm all high on limerence I could walk into traffic I'm thinking about my love object so hard. I forget my life. Nothing matters but my obsession. It's silly, to be honest.

 

And it could be that you two have a real connection and this will smooth out when you let go of the idea of being high on her 24/7 or it could be most of those feelings were the love drugs and you aren't really a good match.

 

Did you have anxiety and depression before you started falling for her? NRE junkies (people who go after that feeling above all else) often are self medicating for depression.

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