New To This

[RR12]

Hello Forum Friends,

 

I am new to this site. I thought I could use some advice. I think deep down inside, I know what I need to do, but when your dealing with the heart, it's always hard.

 

I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year. I first met her when she walked into my part time pizza job. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, made even more so when I spoke with her. Her personality just lit up the room. She was with a friend of mine, that I asked if she could get me her number. She agreed and we stated talking and dating. I have been divorced for almost 4 years and I was definitely not looking for a relationship. Right off the bat, I knew that I felt differently about her then all the other girls I dated. I have an 11 year old son, that is my world. I have not introduced my son to any woman I have dated since my divorce. She was the first. All my friends knew what a big step I was taking by having her meet him. Everything was going well, until for some reason the idiot side of me lied. I had told her that I had an office at work, which I had, but after we moved downstairs, I no longer had one. One day, I sent her a picture of something and she said that looks like a cubicle your in. Me being stupid, tried to cover it up and lied about it again. I don't know what caused me to do something like that? Maybe I was trying to impress her, but we ended up breaking up over that. If I were to come clean when she told me too, I think all this could have been avoided, but I didn't. Needless to say, she no longer trusted me, and I felt horrible. All the hugs, hand holding, closeness was gone. I tried to do everything in my power to get her back, and on my birthday after a night out with my friends and her friends I sensed she was opening up and was willing to give me another shot. (Sorry this is so long)

 

I knew what I did to destroy the trust was wrong, but I wanted to show her that she could trust me again. She works a fulltime job and she works a part time job also, to put her 19 year old through college. She has done an amazing job single handedly raising her daughter. I have decided to help her financially by paying half her daughters car payment/insurance, student loan payment, and any miscellaneous things I can. I pay for everything, including a family vacation we took, anytime we go out to eat, and to get her nails/hair done. I buy her flowers, and gifts just to do it. Not that it's a special occasion, but just to show her that I appreciate her and her hard work.

 

My issue is, I don't feel the closeness that a loving relationship should have. No Hugs, kisses, or hand holding unless I initiate it. Once in a great while, she will snuggle up to me on the couch, but that's a bout it. I feel like if I don't initiate anything, nothing will happen. Her response is that I don't give her a chance to do it, because I do it first all the time, so I stopped, and low and be hold nothing. She has told me before that she knows I am not happy, but I always tell her I am fine. She knows how I feel, because I have told her, but as of now, nothing has changed.

 

She was in a relationship for 6 years before me and he cheated on her. I asked her how she treated him and her response was "I TREATED HIM LIKE YOU TREAT ME, AND I GOT BURNED". If I could get her to treat me half as well as I treated her I could deal with it, but I feel like i'm not.

 

I FEEL SO STUPID AND SUCH A . She always brings up, that it will never go back to the way it was when we first met because i'm the one that messed up. I feel my actions have proven that I am in this for the long haul, and she is who I want to be with. I even bought her a promise ring.

 

Just need some opinions. Thanks everyone for listening and reading. Sometimes when your reading these things its black and white, but if your the one it is actually effecting, it is a lot tougher. Should I stay or make the tough decision to break it off.

 

Thanks Everyone!

[DanZee]

Wow! She has some really bad trust issues. I'm surprised that someone would freak out over a little lie. But I'm surprised she got back together with you. Of course, you're bribing her by helping to pay for her daughter's car. (Why are you doing this? And is she just hanging out with you because of this?) I don't know. Is there more to this story? Just seems like there's more to the story.