Where should I go from here?

[Orion89]

I found this forum shortly after my ex broke up with me and found a plethora of good advice that has helped me the past few weeks. I like many others here want to reconcile things and get back with the ex. So I want to ask for advice for my situation I know everyone's experience is always different.

 

This may be a little long but I'll try to condense it as much as possible. A little about us, I'm 27 and she's also 27 just a few months younger than me. We were dating for a little over 6 months before she broke it off. We met on an online dating website and messaged back and forth until we met up for our first date back in January. Over the course of getting to know each other we realized how much in common we have with each other even down to little quirks, we really did compliment each other. We took it slow over the first two months until we first exchanged our I love yous then over the course of the next few months we discussed getting an apartment together since we were both living at our parents home. Which we did go apartment shopping and were planning on moving in at the end of August. We also discussed future plans like marriage, kids, and whatnot. We both had the same future goals and aspirations in life. Things were going great for the first 5 months we had one bad argument but mostly just little disputes over miscommunication which always got sorted out.

 

Midway through our relationship I found out her ex of 5 years was still texting her on and off asking things like "I wish you were here next to me on the couch" and stuff like that. After finding this out I and confronted her about it telling her he needs to stop contacting her. This caused me to get insecure with her especially when she was texting on her phone. One night I got really anxious about it and blurted out "You're always on your damn phone" which led to an argument right before we went to sleep. Other things that I realized later on after the breakup which caused it was my clingy/neediness towards her. Since I was unhappy with living at home due to my alcoholic stepdad and his drunken arguments with me I was always trying to find a time to come stay at her house which led to the point where I was would get irritated with her when she told me I couldn't come over. She told me a few times she hated when I got like that.

 

I didn't find out about this until later on but she's dealt with depression/anxiety issues all her life and has been on medication to help with that for many years. She recently quit her antidepressants cold turkey the beginning of July around our 6 month anniversary because her doctor wouldn't re-up her prescription. The reason why I'm not sure. She warned me about it and told me she wanted me to be there for her while she goes through the withdrawal phase and I told her I would because I'm always there for her. As the days progressed I noticed she was becoming more moody and irritable. Little things I would do would lead to disputes. This goes on for a week around that time I was planning on coming over to spend the night and texted her asking if we were still going to do that and said plans changed since she was going to see her friend. I was irritated and she could tell by my texts which led her to send the dreaded "we need to talk about our relationship" text. We met up a few days later to talk about things that were going wrong in our relationship. The main thing was that she felt like I was suffocating her and she wanted space from me so she could miss me again. I agreed to that and said we could meet once a week. Afterwards we had dinner and things seemed fine.

 

Fast forward a week later I stayed at her place for the last time and everything seemed fine. We ate dinner and watched our series like we always did it was a great night. Before we went to bed she asked if I would like to meet up with her old coworker and have dinner together I said sure sounds like fun. The next day we all met up and had dinner. When we left we hugged and kissed and she told me how much she loved me. The next day things turned 180 and her texts were very cold/distant. This lasted for a few days and I was getting worried something was up. That Sunday she texted asking what time I got off work because she wanted to meet up at my work. This was very odd because she never asked that. The next day we met and we had the talk. She told me she couldn't do it anymore and she needed space. She told me lately whenever she received a text from me she would get very irritated and it was only me she didn't have that feeling with anyone else. She also told me that I was an amazing person who was perfect for her but my love was smothering because her last long term relationship her ex didn't care for her and just used her for sex (this is the ex of 5 years btw) she wasn't used to someone who actually cared for her like I did. So we ended it on good terms I was understanding and told her I would give her all the space she needed.

 

I went NC for 2 weeks before sending her a text that said "I heard a song on the way home from work that reminded me of you and it made me smile I hope you're doing well" she responded and we sent a few texts back and forth. A few days later at work we had a group photo which I posted on my Facebook. The next day my good friend D whom I've been talking about my breakup problems with posted a comment saying "Look at all those cute girls you work with you need to capitalize on that" I responded with a joke saying they're all 12 which from my point of view was an inside joke at work. Anyways later that day she texted me saying "I saw D's comment. That was nice." Immediately afterwards I deleted the comment so her family wouldn't see it. That night she texted me saying she saw the comment was deleted and I told her yeah it was a stupid comment. This led to a long texting argument from her telling me that it was stupid and thoughtless of me to leave it up for so long and my stupidity and lack of thinking was what was wrong with our relationship. She then proceeded to tell me that I would never be as thoughtful as she wants me to be and no amount of talking it through would change her breakup decision. The next day I sent a lengthy text telling her that it was wrong for her to say I'm thoughtless considering all that I did for her the 6 months we were together and I always cared for her feelings and never did anything intentionally to hurt her. I then told her I think we need more space because obviously tensions/emotions are still high, she agreed. Two days later she texted me saying she changed her relationship to single but it wasn't because she was angry or upset with me it was but because we weren't together right now and everything was so up in the air between us. I said I wasn't angry and respect her decision. I then told her I needed space to think over things too and hopefully later on we could come back and start over with a clean slate. She then replied by saying she is confused about length of time because she's better with timeframes which I responded by saying I never put a timeframe on anything because I wasn't the one who initiated space to begin with and that I didn't want to put pressure on her or push her away.

 

That was our last communication until recently. I went NC for 1.5 weeks. This past Sunday she contacted me again but that morning I had an extremely vivid dream about her the first one since our breakup. Not even an hour later she texted me asking if I was working that day. Which I thought was very strange she reached out to me due to the dream I just had. I texted back saying no it was my day off. A couple hours later she texted saying she was going to suggest meeting up because she still had some of my stuff but things came up and she couldn't. Later on that day my sister messaged me saying she saw her at her work with her cousin and talked for a bit (my sister works at a little restaurant on the beach which my ex loved I took her there many times to eat for lunch). I never responded to her last text. Then Monday night she texted asking if I had Tuesday off for the concert we were going to see and I said I did. (We planned on going to see Matchbox Twenty together and I bought her tickets. She decided it wasn't the best idea to go with me and my family and she was going with friends) Then we sent a few texts back and forth. The next day which was yesterday she texted me again telling me how she enjoyed the first band which I missed. We sent a couple of texts back and forth again. Later on after the second band me and my family went for a walk to use the bathroom. I went to use the bathroom and when I came out I saw her standing there. She waved at me and my heart started pounding. This was the first time I saw her in 4 weeks. We had some small talk about the concert but the whole meetup felt super awkward. Before she left with her friends I asked if she was free Sunday she said no and I told her I asked because I was going to see if you would like to grab a coffee and catch up she said no unfortunately I work all day, enjoy the show! Then walked away. The vibe felt extremely awkward between us. We texted a couple more times after the show saying how good it was and I ended it by saying "I hope you guys drive safe!" which she responded "Thanks! You too"

 

A little about my point of view right now. I realized my mistakes that caused the breakup and I'm working on changing those mistakes. I also moved out of my parents home shortly after the breakup into an apartment with a friend of mine. I've been going to the gym more regularly, hanging out with friends, talking to other girls that I know, reading, and working my two jobs. I've been doing things for myself. I am moving forward and I realize I don't need her as a source of happiness like I thought I did when we were together. I want her in my life and want to share happiness with her. She has been one of the best things to happen to me. I want to try and reconcile with her but I've also accepted the fact that if it doesn't happen that's ok too.

 

So that's where I am now. I know it's a little long and my hands hurt from typing it all haha but for anyone who wants to read it and send advice I would appreciate it. If you want me to elaborate more on parts I can I was just trying to keep it as short as possible. Also sorry for any grammar issues or whatever I'm not the best at writing haha

[DanZee]

I don't know where to jump in, but you did say something interesting, that your girlfriend has had depression/anxiety issues all her life and she's currently off her meds. So that could certainly be responsible for her mood swings and her running hot and cold. You'll never know where her mood is at any given time, and things could change in a minute. I don't think it's you that needs to work on herself. We want to help and protect people like your ex, but they can also pull us down at the same time. You might want to look for someone more stable. Maybe go out with one of the girls at work to ease yourself back into the dating game.

[Orion89]

I do think the last few weeks of our relationship were rocky due to her coming off her meds but before all that happened she was pretty stable no real mood swings or anything everything was going great like I said we had little disputes over things but that was all due to miscommunication. Throughout our relationship she always told me how much she loved me and that she was so glad to have me in her life because I genuinely made her happy. I remember one day she told me she truly believed God brought me into her life and there was no other explanation as to why we met (her family comes from a religious background so she's sort of religious when it comes to things like that). Then everything turned 180. I don't know I'm still kinda confused as to how it all ended up to what it is now. All I'm doing now is moving forward with my life with the hope that we may still have a chance to get back together down the road.