Ben9394 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 There is not a day that goes by that i dont think about her, its been a month and it feels like its been forever, i still cant come to terms with how and why it ended this way, i still wake up and look foward to talking to her, to tell her i love her like i would every day, to go from being so happy or so i thought, or so i was told should i say, To literally nothing, like we never even happened... i was told a fair few years back by someone to never fall in love with someone who is also your best friend, why? Because when it ends you lose that person you love, that person you have a burning desire to see happy and do your best for them, but you also loose a best friend and thats worse, to lose someone you thought would always be there to listen to you, someone you always thought you could trust with anything and someone you thought would never hurt you and just forget about you and move on. I was still young when i got told this, probably 15/16, had never fallen in love and thought to myself what the s he on about, but now i realise what they meant, when he said you lose everything he was 100% right because you do, she was my world and i genuinely thought i was hers too, Theres no way to contact her now which i suppose is for the best because deep down, although i dont want to admit it, i know i mean nothing to her now and if i could talk to her ide either get ignored or i would get blunt answers and not hear what i expected. Thats tough... to know someone who said all the right things, made you beleive you were important, helped fix you, helped build your confidence back, told you all the right things about wanting a future together, no longer wants to even engage in a conversation thats a horrible feeling and what i have been through i would never wish on anyone no matter who they are. The choking on your words trying to tell people how what why and when, the shaking and anxiety when you see them or drive past them, feeling sick thinking what little i actually got told, what else was i lied to about, how little did i actually mean to her when she was saying all these things to me, whispering in my ear she loved me and saw a future of us two together, the truth of how someone feels will always come out, the thought of them in a place now where you dont exist is horrible, you managed without them before but now you just struggle coming to terms with the fact they dont want you anymore, when they were and to an extent still are, everything you wanted, from the start i told myself not to get too attatched but i couldnt help it everything about her i loved, even down to the little details, it drives you crazy, i have no way of stopping myself think of all this torturing myself every single ing day. Still no sleep still crying at night in my room by myself all alone because youve been made to feel like you caused it all punishing yourself thinking if i had done something different would she still be here. when during it all i was told i had done nothing wrong, i did so much for her - bent over backwards to help her in every way - was told she appreciated everything i did and its how she wanted to be treated. I should be moving on, like she has but clearly she meant alot more to me than i ever did to her, shed tell me about how her friends had there hearts broken and how horrible it was and i remember thinking she cares alot, she wont do anything like that to me...she did, she told me about ex boyfriends and how it didnt work and i said are we different and shed reassure me that what we had was different, special, better than any previous relationship. i just cant i had found the girl i was happy to spend the rest of my life with and she just ripped that from me with no real explanation im heartbroken and dont think ill ever heal properly from this. I cant talk to anyone as i feel ill look weak still hooked on someone who just got up and left without a second thought about me, i quite often lie in bed and just write and write and write down how im feeling like im talking to her or someone who wants to listen but it gets me nowhere. I want her back, i want the old happy us back i hate this Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.