Almost 4 months and still hurting

[crashin]

My ex gf and I broke up in mid december after 3.5 yrs. It has been a while but I still think about her all the time and even though I am not as depressed as I was it is still touch and go at times. The relationship was alittle shaky at times and prior to its demise I had broken up with her a few times before. For a while I blamed myself for the entire break up but have realized that it was not all my fault. I guess what I dont understand is why i still feel like this. There were numerous times when I just wanted out of the relationship to pursue others. Now that I have my freedom I want nothing more than to be with her.

 

She broke up with me after a big mistake on my part. I never cheated on her but I guess by breaking up with her so many times she lost trust in me. In short, we had been fighting and instead of talking it over with her like i said i would, i went away for the weekend with some friends. I tried to make it up to her but nothing worked. I have seen her once since and we have not spoken now in about 5 wks. During our last convo she let me know she was seeing someone, so I told her it was too hard for me to deal with and asked her to not call me anymore.

 

I have gone out on several dates and have no problem meeting girls but I am just not that interested in any of them. I keep thinking of my ex and comparing them to her. I never thought things would be so hard for so long. Could I have loved her more than I realized? Is it the cliche, the grass is always greener...? Is it the fact that she broke up with me? I just dont know how to get over this?

 

Should I just keep dating and work through it? When does it get easier?

[djedix]

You might need a little time to find yourself again. You don't wana hurt other people by going out with them and constantly thinking with the ex. It's better to be alone, figure yourself out, and then move on. That's what i did. I'm about 3 months since i lost my fiancee. I was going out with her for a year, but i grew up with her for like 10 years prior. Then she just walked out. I just recently started dating. I was scared at first, but you know, when i was with the new person, the ex never crossed my mind at all.

 

If you can't stop thinking about her, you might need a little more time to heal. Everyone takes a diffrent amount of time. Don't get down on yourself thou, because eventually that pain will go away, in Time.

[justsweetgirl]

You can miss someone even though being together was less than ideal. Remember why you broke up so often. Was it because the two of you were not getting along, or do you have a habit of breaking up when things get uncomfortable? Examine your behavior during the relationship, and hers. Have you changed? Has she? Did she meet your needs? You have to ask yourself some hard questions.

[eeyore2000]

After the break up is the hardest part to relize.I went out iwth my ex for 3yrs and he broke up with me.He said we were agrueing to much.But I dotn think that was right.He was all the time over his guy friend house that had a younger sister and he was spending all the time over there and he started to stay the night and thats when i got all pissy at him about that spending more time iwth her and not me.Hes 20 and shes 15 but yet Im 24.But i mean what he did was stupid to break it off with me.It willhurt for the longest time.I thought I wasnt going to get over it but I found another website that helped me through and also talking to my friends and my family about it helped out alot and also the people i worked iwht.ALmost everybody thinks he stupid of breaking it off with me but oh well.U just got to move on and find someone new.Just be friends with them first if ur not comfortable and sometimes the best things might happen when u least except it.you can always email me if u need help.

[crashin]

When I had broken up with her in the past it may have been me just running from our problems. After a little while we would get back together and things would be fine. Then I would think I would want my freedom and run. It was an evil cycle. Prior to this last break we were actually doing well until Then there was our last fight. I think she had alot of pent up anger towards me for all the BS I had put her through and just gave up. I guess I cant blame her since I was supposed to be at her house and decided to leave the state and not even tell her I was gone.

 

I know we had our problems but I still blame myself for the break up. I was really immature and since I hated confrontation I would try and sweep all our problems under the rug.

 

I keep telling myself this happened for a reason and I needed to learn a lesson but that doesnt exactly help with the pain. It sux to know that I had a great girl who loved me very much and treated me very well and I took that for granted. Wondering what she is up to is probably the hardest thing. Iguess i just keep on with nc and try and move on.

 

I have another date tonight with a girl I met this wkd but I am not exactly excited about it. Oh well, I am sure things will get better. Sorry for my rant but I need to vent sometimes. I really cant talk to anyone since my friends and family think I should be over this by now.

[nix]

Hi crashin'

 

Just thought i'd say hi because when I read your post I thought it was my ex who was writing at first! Seriously such a similar situation only difference is that you know what you did wrong which is great for you and your ex. My ex is still pretending like nothing has happened and if anything that its all my fault.

 

So I suppose I can kind of see your situation from your ex's perspective. We broke up in December too and I also gave up on my ex cos of what he put me through and it was the hardest decision i've ever made but underneath I know its for the best.

 

If he came back to me I would be so tempted to get back with him because I still love him deeply but he needs to sort his head out. I dont know how it is for you but my ex has alot of issues that wont go away unless he faces them. From what you have written I would say you are miles ahead of my ex on this front.

 

I havent seen or spoken to him for like about 5 weeks either and it is so hard I just crave him like chocolate! I get an idea that he's seeing someone else and just the thought of it kills me but I dont know for sure. I havent started dating again yet I just dont feel ready, I still feel like i'd be cheating in him...really stupid I know.

 

You say you've been on lots of dates that mean nothing, maybe your ex feels the same about her dates? Sometimes dating is seen as the only way to stop the pain but I really dont think it is. You need time to heal and be happy with you before you can let anyone else into your heart. Also if you and your ex are ever to get back together alot of damage will have been done by dating others.

 

Anyway, these are just my thoughts god knows i'm not an expert! Hope your pain eases soon...keep posting it helps.

[crashin]

Thanks for the replies. It is great to know I am not the only one going through this.

 

Nix, sorry to hear that you had to deal with the opposite end of my situation. Yeah, i learned a big lesson from this, but maybe that is what I needed. As far as dating, yeah I do need time to heal to me but I am not really looking to jump back into a relationship...just going out and trying to have fun.

 

My ex on the other hand is seeing someone which is why I told her in a nice way I couldnt talk to her anymore. That is a real hard pill to swallow, but I guess I pushed her to someone else. She told me a few weeks after our break up that she had started dating and then the last time we talked she admitted she was seeing the same person she had been out with in january. I think that she is just filling a void but who knows I am not her. I dont see us ever getting back together so dating isnt going to have an effect on that.

 

Whatever, today I am in a good mood so I really dont need to sit here and get myself worked up. I will be back though because those demons always return!

[crashin]

well I guess I jinxed myself by saying I was in a good mood. I went out for happy hour tonight with some friends after work. I was in the bar area of a restaraunt and I looked over and who do I see? Yup, my ex with some guy. I have not seen her since mid january and to see her with someone else is a real painful thing to deal with. Needless to say it ruined my night and now I am home all upset.

 

I wish I could get over this. I thought I was getting better but this just opened up some wounds and I dont even know what to do with myself right now. I am so frustrated I cant even express how I feel. I cant type anymore I have to get out of here. Ugh!

[nix]

Ouch, I feel your pain! So sorry to hear you had to go through that, it must have been awful but I suppose somthing that had to happen sooner or later.

 

I am dreading that day, in fact I almost have panic attacks when I go out because I am petrified of seeing my ex at all let alone with someone else.

 

Hopefully the rest of your weekend was better? Its a horrible place to be post breakup and I wouldnt wish it on anyone but it gets better with time, so i'm told.

 

My weekend was pretty quite which was a little depressing as I get a bit concerned about things when i have too much time to think. My mind works overtime about what my ex is up to and if we'll ever get back together and if we dont will i be alone forever blah blah blah...!!!

 

Not much help really am I but I know that its good to know that you arent the only one.

 

Chin up!

[crashin]

This wkd pretty much suxd! After I saw my ex with someone else i was upset the entire wkd. I got out of town on saturday so there was no chance of running into her but it was and still is on my mind.

 

I guess it was going to happen sooner or later but I was always hoping I would just run into her by herself or at least I would be with someone. This really set me back in the healing process. I havent felt this crappy in quit some time.

 

Picturing your ex with someone else is bad enough but actually seeing it is just pain awful! I was haveing anxiety attacks all wkd and really didnt get much sleep. I just wonder if it even affected her in the slightest bit or if she even had any urge to talk to me.

[eva1218]

well........poor you.

 

all i can say it was unlucky.

On the other hand, the worst happened.

The most unwanted pic you saw, so nothing can hit u further down.

 

Stay strong, you have no choice.