quark Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 You know .. I was going to create another account to save myself from the embarrassment of those who may remember my posts from years ago. I am still with the same guy, still contemplating ending my relationship on a regular basis. My last post was in September of 2014. Again, how I was just ready to give up. A feeling that has plagued me intermittently throughout MOST of our relationship. There was always something that stopped me in my tracks from ending it though. A really good talk we had .. or a vacation we had planned .. Well, in October of 2015 he proposed to me. In the middle of the NYC Halloween parade. I said yes. I mean ... I still had reservations but in a situation like that you sort of have to? I'm making this post because I feel like I have finally lost my feelings for him. You can't deny the evidence. The constant problems going years back. We never ended up going to counseling. I was close to setting everything up, but when he didn't seem interested in taking it seriously, or helping me find a counselor, my stubbornness took over and I said "f* it, why am I always the one who has to do the work??" Believe it or not, his jealousy has actually settled down. But, we still have compatibility issues. I've all but convinced myself that it's totally over. This feeling is probably being expedited because I am crushing hard on someone else. I've tried to see if it won't go away--but it's been months. I've been living in my head a lot lately. Day dreaming about this crush. I missed my exit on the highway the other day. I've gone to bed thinking about him and woken up thinking about him. So -- we're now engaged. We haven't set up any plans for a wedding at all. I tell people it's financial. And also, I have a brother who gets out of jail in April that I would like to have there. I don't wear my ring. In reality, it is a little loose on me and I have a knack for losing jewelry which scares me. Why am I making this post? I don't know. Looking for advice on how to end a long term relationship, I guess. Engaged. Live together. Have a dog. How do I deal with the crushing feeling that everyone will judge me? Or pity me? How will I deal with his inevitable breakdown because he seems absolutely clueless that I am unhappy. I feel hasty for possibly pursuing this crush, but I just feel like it's what I want right now. And shouldn't I be doing what I want and not what I THINK I should be doing? Because I really feel like part of my dedication to this relationship has been adhering to what people will expect of me. I'm 32 .. maybe this is my mid-life crisis? I'm just starting to think that life is too short to not seize opportunities and do things you love and be with people who make you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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