I have to travel with my ex-boyfriend and I need advice

[pinpontopu]

English is not my mother language so sorry if I make any mistake.

 

About a month ago I came to South America with my boyfriend for a 75 days trip. It wasn't the wisest decision to plan a trip this long with someone you are together for 5 months but it happened. About a week ago he broke up with me. I knew we had problems but the break up was a total surprise to me. I felt heartbroken. We both used a lot of resources (time, money, etc) to make this trip happen so we decided that we will keep travelling together and complete the trip. He treats me kindly but I feel an anger and sadness that I can not control very well. I keep remembering memories and cant handle this sudden change. He doesn't mind flirting with woman at the hostels we stay together. Yesterday he kissed someone at a bar. Today he said he wants to go out alone and he did. He can see I am sad and hurt but he says he feels restricted when I get jealous and I am acting immature and somewhat selfish. I really want to complete this trip. My country is very far from S.A. and I probably won't get another chance to come here in my life again. Traveling alone is not an option because of some economical issues. I don't even have a big enough bacpack to carry all the stuff I need since we share our stuff and he carries some of them. I will either turn back to my country or will somehow find a way to handle this better. I really can use some advice.

[Honeycomb8]

Wow this must be tough for you. He sounds awful and selfish himself to be putting you through this. I hope you didn't see the kiss-that was really thoughtless of him =/. I think it's best to try to keep as much distance as you can. During the trip if he tries to sleep with you again, I hope you'd be able to say no.

[SophieGrace]

Same thing happened to me in my 20s. I decided to go to Europe with a boyfriend. We pooled our money, which was very little, and we broke up shortly after arriving. We continued to travel together because of the money situation and we had some great adventures, but there were also a lot of missed adventures because of feeling obligation toward the other person even though we were no longer together. And that caused a lot of arguments. In hindsight if I had it to do over again - I think we should have split off to have solo adventures for part of the journey.... maybe come back together to meet up along the way or at least do things alone either during the day or at night.

 

I completely understand that you worry this may be your only chance to visit SA, but if you are under a perpetual cloud of sadness being with someone who doesn't want to be with you and wants his own adventures, I think your trip will be colored by that unless you can try your best to shake off what he is doing and get the most of the trip that YOU can.

 

If I were you, I would pare down my stuff so I could carry the essentials, and I would suggest having your own adventures while you are there. Go to a coffee shop or museum by yourself; draw; write in a journal; make friends with people you meet in the hostel and tag along on their outings. Smile even if you don't feel like it. Experiences apart will help you re-claim your independence and your spirit of adventure which is what brought you there in the first place and hopefully will propel you forward so you can actually enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime trip. I'd also suggest asking him not to tell you if he hooks up with anyone and if he could be respectful and not flirt in front of you. You can agree to do the same.

 

As hard as it is, you need to allow him freedom to explore, and you need to do the same sweetie. You never know who you'll meet or what will happen unless you try. And it goes without saying, be safe