Rejecting the Gay Scene

[yellowsunflower]

Hello everyone:

I think I have realized a very disappointing fact about gay youth. Sometimes I feel so isolated thinking about it. It seems that they are only interested in hooking up, long nights of sexual activity, cybersex, orgies and anything else related to sex. I honestly have not encountered opposing evidence, except for my boyfriend. For example, the first message I receive when entering a chat room is, "Top or bottom?" I try to turn the conversation into something meaningful, "What did you do today?" That really does not seem to help since they do not respond after such an outrageous comment.

 

My question is, where can I go to find people like myself who are not interested in hooking up, or the 'gay scene,' and if its not in the clubs, or chat rooms - then where? Where do I find friends, my age (19), who understand and accept my homosexuality? Are there others who feel the same way, or will my theory be perpetuated?

 

I've never really been a social person, but I know I can open up to the right kind of people. It's just so difficult to find anyone that cares.

 

What are your experiences on this matter?

[Meow18]

Well I can't really tell you where you can meet people because I really don't know, however I can tell you that people in chatrooms can be like that. Most people go to chatrooms just to "have sex", so I'm not surprised you get those kinds of questions in chatrooms. Of course there are some people who go to chatrooms who do like meaningful conversations, so if you have patience, then you should look around there.

 

You said you had a boyfriend? Why are you looking for other guys then? It seems like you have a good guy, who isn't just about sex, which is what you are looking for. Just wondering...

[yellowsunflower]

I suppose it is acceptable to meet other guys to epand my social network, right? That's my point, I'm not going in chat rooms to hook up, or to cyber, just to meet people and try to have a significant relationship with them.

 

Joey

[nexus532]

Well, its hard to find the proper gay scene with being to open.At least you have good morals, like not wanting to have sex with everyone you meet up with. That trait seems to be disappearing these days, which is kinda depressing. I have same problem with trying to find a girl that just wants to spend some time together for more than a two day period without having sexual encounters. Anyway i suppose a gym is a good place. the shopping scene, which will also help you get a sense of his style, well basically anyware i suppose. You seem to live in a high density area, no? Up here in Montana you selection would be limited so go out and explore.Enough of my rambling, i hope something i said helps, i have no creditability on the gay scene though. Good luck on you soul finding.PEACE

[mgirl]

Hello everyone....

What are your experiences on this matter?

 

Oh, hellelujah! Somebody who thinks the way i do! Finally...

 

I totally agree with you on this. The gay scene sucks... It is one big ghetto. The way that i see it is that societies rejection of our sexuality forces us to coherse with people we usually have NOTHING in common with, hence all the problems, from b*itching... to absolutely meaningless conversation like what you have encountered.

 

People should take you on face value and accept you for who you are. You should not be ghettoised due to your sexuality. The basis of friendship is so much more than that. We need friends who are stimulating and supportive of us.

 

At the moment i am working in gay nightclubs but when i finish, i plan on starting a non-party scene group/website to cater for people like you and me, and one or two other people i know, who want better things to do. I'm sure they are out there. I just want to offer alternatives for gay people to do. It shouldn't all be about partying.

 

Just to give you an indication of how lonely and isolating the gay scene is, i work in it and i can not find one single person to love or to even trust.

 

We should be afforded all the same rights as heterosexual couples and that includes marriage and social support. No wonder so many gay people end up miserable... society discriminates against us whether you believe it or not.

 

Part of the problem is that being gay is now 'partly' accepted (only because it has been promoted as being 'cool' by television networks who exploit us to increase their viewership), but is still not accepted like heterosexuality is. I believe that gay people have given up the fight, hence the turning to drugs and alcohol to 'ease' the pain. I can tell you, they may say they are having a good time and call it 'partying', but there are no good times being had at all. Most of them are miserable and it is sad because they are too afraid to go out and find what they really want . They come into the clubs week after week looking for love but end up leaving alone. It is sad.

 

Stick to what you believe is right. You will eventually find people who think like you do. Another thing you can do is speak out about the ills of the gay scene and let people know there are alternatives and that they can have a better life.

 

Sorry about the long-winded post, but i believe strongly in this. I will you posted if i decide to do anything to educate people on the ills of partying.

 

Cheers,

 

mgirl

[nothingontheinside]

i totally agree with you. i recently heard a joke "what does a lesbian bring on the first date?" "a uhaul" and it made me think a lot. what is it about all the sex and stuff... i mean seriously, masturbate and have long talks with the person you love! *Rant rant rant*

anway. just wanted to say i agree... i have to stop now before i rant more!

[singingwolf]

Try checking out link removed. People get together in coffee houses or restaurants to just talk and hang out. It's a great way to make new friends.

 

Sam

[pianoguy]

I completely agree... I am 20 and really haven't ever met another gay person to be friends with, much less date. The only way I can date is through the internet which is boring and not fun or romantic at all. Fortunately I have lots of straight friends, but I get real tired of watching them date each other. I haven't ever been to the bar or the "gay scene" that you speak of, I am frankly somewhat scared of it and would like to avoid it as long as possible.

 

I think to be gay is to be alone. It really does suck, but thank God daily for your boyfriend. Also, lean on your straight friends. Just because they aren't gay doesn't mean they can't understand the struggles you deal with. Granted, they don't have the same struggles, but they have different ones and can empathize with you.

 

Have you found a GSA in your area? They tend to be a group of very intellectual gay and straight people with whom you can discuss these issues.

[mgirl]

And we shouldn't have to settle for somebody just because we know they're gay. We should be able to be with who we love or are attracted to, provided that they feel the same way.

 

Hmm, you have given me food for thought. I will post more on this later, but i am very inspired to lift the profile of gay people and try to help them reach a better way of life. We all deserve it... I think the answer lies in being proud of who you are and not worrying about what other people think.

 

And, yes, using your 'straight' friends for support is a good idea!

 

(Sorry to go on about this, but it really strikes a chord within me. I mean, all we want is to be loved and to love in return).