What are we.... What am I to him? HELP....

[shopgirl31]

Hey there, I'm new.

 

I've been confused for the past couple of weeks with no one to talk to about this 'dating' situation if you can even call it that.

 

Here goes....

 

About 3 months ago I began messaging an acquaintance of about 9 years more frequently... Facebook at first, then we exchanged numbers.A day hasn't gone by since where we haven't been in contact. This guy has had a rough life but has always been lovely toward me. He went through a pretty horrific breakup a little over a year ago.

 

At the start the messages were about day to day life, books, movies etc... then we began opening up to each other. After two weeks of this, it became impossible to remember what life was like before our daily conversations. I saw something in him, someone who hadn't been treated so well by people and I wanted, and still do want to show him that there are good people out there who he can trust and open up to.

 

We met up maybe a month ago and just had a really nice weekend, no drama, just company, movies and spending time together. He told me then that he didn't realise how messed up he still was from his ex... and it was visible. He's a very guarded person, I guess given what life has thrown at him he's had to be. He's clearly not ready for a relationship. I can't tell if its me. He says he's just not ready for anything more than friendship with anyone. That I've been and am nothing short of perfect.

 

We still text every day, he's almost always the first to text, he says things like he loves it when I make him smile and vice versa, that I'm amazing. That he has never known a woman like me, that I'm the sweetest most caring person he's ever met. He has said that he would miss me if I wasn't in his life... and that he can't remember what it was like before me. He's not manipulative, he does what he says, he's great and I value our whatever this is right now. But I'm going to see him for the first time since that weekend on Friday night... he's making a special effort to travel for it, he wasn't going when a friend asked, but when I asked he had organised being able to go within a half hour...

 

Is this a good thing? How do I act when I see him? I don't know what to expect... when I told him I was happy he was going he said he was too... I'm 31 years old and feel like a teenager right now not knowing the hows or whys of this situation.

 

I don't want to push anyone into something they're not ready for... but am I being naive in thinking theres a chance something could come of this given the current state of things? Would he make this much of a daily effort to be in my life and to come to this night out which is 2 hours from where he lives. I've offered to give him space on many occasions, he doesn't seem to want it as he's always the first to text.

 

Please help me... I'm so confused with the current state of things and with how to deal with everything to come this weekend.

 

Thanks so much in advance.

[ThatwasThen]

I think either you just have to accept that you are platonic friends... Its what he's told you he's only capable of giving You. Or; you could tell him that you have developed what you think are more then platonic friendship feelings for him and what does he think.

If he still just wants to be your friend then I hope you love yourself enough to tell him that you can't be just a friend and that you are going to distance yourself so that you can be free in heart and mind to be open to other guys that DO want more then friendship with you. You'll not even find yourself interested in others when you're emotionally fixated on him.

 

Keep in mind that he lives two hours away from you. Should he want more then friendship like you do, would either of you be willing to move to be with the other. Travelling two hours to see one another as a steady diet can get old fast.

[HeartGoesOn]

He says he's just not ready for anything more than friendship with anyone.

 

This is not meant to sound harsh, but take him at his word, and avoid feeling that you're the exception to the rule.