I'M HURTING ... can anyone help??

[mick8888]

A little bit of background -- my girlfriend of 2.5 years (living together for 1.5 years) broke up with me in August of 2003. Still lived together tho until January of 2004, when she moved out (yes, it was a rough 5 months, living together and being broken up). Through most of 2004, at least up until November or so, we would occasionally hook up -- basically every 2 months or so we'd have sex for a couple days, and sorta have a friendship, and then we'd go back to not really hanging out or talking ... so that was dragging out the healing process for me, because even though she was never talking about getting back together, the fact that we were occasionally intimate I guess gave me some sort of hope. Anyways, that stopped in November, and then we didn't see each other or even really talk (except for the occasional instant message) until just last week, when she came by to drop off a birthday card for me. That five months or so was good because it was kind of an "outta sight, outta mind" situation for me, in which I started feeling a little better about the breakup, and feeling like I could finally get over it.

 

But seeing her a couple days ago brought back a rush of feelings, and though she didn't tell me herself, I found out through a mutual friend that she's fallen in love with someone over the Internet, and I'm not entirely sure but I think she may have flown out to visit him for the first time this weekend. Now none of that wouldn't matter if I was over her, but obviously I'm not because I've been pretty upset and feeling lonely and crappy the past couple of days, like I've gone all the way back to 2003 and the day we broke up. I haven't even dated anyone since that breakup and I don't really have the confidence to put myself out there on the dating scene right now, and I don't have any close friends to talk to about this, really (I moved accross the country to live with my ex, and I haven't made many other connections since being here for 3 years, and since the breakup I've practically become a hermit).

 

HOW CAN I BUST OUT OF THIS RUT AND START FEELING BETTER? The pain just doesn't seem to be going away ...

[hockeyboy]

what are you hobbies, interests?

[dontstopbelivin]

Hey there Mick,

 

I feel your pain, and the thing is, it will only get better. I know how talking to someone after a break up is second nature, you have been with her for 2.5 years. You still love her, miss her, and wonder what she is doing. I am going through the same situation right now. I lived with my ex for 3 years, and it has been a rough 2 months. I still think about her, and she too is dating someone else.

 

The best thing is to look at all of the mistakes that the BOTH of you have made, and learn from them. Don't obsess about them, and try to work things out with her when you do think of the mistakes you may have made. Steer away from contact with her. You said "outta sight, outta mind," live by it. When she does call you, talk about the good things that have been going on in your life, and please LOOK at all of the good things in your life. When you can do all of these things and master them, you will be ready to be with someone. Don't find someone, they will see your confidence, and want to get to know you.

 

You will be alright, and pain is something that was given to us to remind us that we are human. Best of luck to you in your journey to find yourself again.

[mick8888]

Hey there Mick,

 

I feel your pain, and the thing is, it will only get better.

 

 

but it's been more than a year and a half and it still hurts like hell...

[dontstopbelivin]

it's going to hurt like hell, mick. You love her. You don't have to jump into another relationship just yet. You need to grieve your loss right now. If it takes longer that 1.5 years, so be it. This is the time for your heart to heal. Hockeyboy wanted to know what your interests are, engage in those interest. It is better to stay busy b/c your mind will be occupied. I'm sure you have a lot going for you, but you don't need a guy on the internet to tell you that.

[mick8888]

it's going to hurt like hell, mick. You love her. You don't have to jump into another relationship just yet. You need to grieve your loss right now. If it takes longer that 1.5 years, so be it. This is the time for your heart to heal. Hockeyboy wanted to know what your interests are, engage in those interest. It is better to stay busy b/c your mind will be occupied.

 

 

i try to keep busy with work and hobbies to get my mind off it, but it doesn't work. she is always there in my mind, especially when i am trying to sleep at night and when i wake up, and i keep thinking about this new guy she's met and how happy she must be and how into him she is (because i think back to how we were when we first met, and that must be what she is experiencing with him now), and it KILLS ME. i'm hurt that she rejected me, that she would pick someone else over me, and that she doesn't feel the same way for me that she used to. i know this is reality and i have to accept it, but it's just so hard, and i can't seem to move on. i've been telling myself that sooner or later she will come to her senses and realize that i was the best thing for her, but i'm seeing that that's not happening and probably never will, but i keep hoping it might. it's horrible. i just can't seem to distract myself from it by doing other things, it's a dark cloud hanging over me no matter what.