What's the next step...

[Lonelyornot445]

Hi all,

 

Like most on here I'd be grateful for some advice. I'm a lurker for many years, but never felt the need to post until now.

 

A brief relationship history of me - I was in a very long term relationship for many years which ended abruptly (infidelity). After taking time to myself I started dating again. Fast forward to now and I've been with an amazing girl for nearly 6 months.

 

After around 3 months she started staying at my place nearly every night. I appreciate this may seem a fast moving relationship, but we are both mature adults and it simply felt right.

 

She currently lives in a shared house. As she has stayed at mine nearly every night for months I thought asking her to move in would be the next move, given that is essentially the case now.

 

After thinking about how to approach it all night I eventually bit the bullet and suggested that she moved in more permanently. With the caveat that it was an open invitation for whenever she felt ready.

 

To my surprise this went down quite badly. To the point of it being compared to the move in equivalent of a crap proposal. This took me by surprise as we are basically living together anyway.

 

So my question is - what's the next step? After the underwhelming response to my invitation I'm beginning to doubt the whole relationship.

 

I appreciate the informal way I approached the invitation may have caught her by surprise, I feel the response showed complete disregard for my feelings, but now we appear to be in some kind of limbo.

[Viewcart]

Unless you plan to marry her, asking someone to move in with you is the huge no no. If she doesn't want to move in, agree and respect her decision.

 

Why are you in such a rush? Living together before marriage is not ideal, studies have shown that it increases chance of divorce. You're playing house after only knowing her for a few months! If she was smart, she would not do it.

[mustlovedogs]

If you really loved her, one setback wouldn't make you want to leave.

 

This is quick. It is way too soon. Let her set her own pace and only move in when you want to get married. Sounds like she doesn't want to move in until she's engaged anyway.

[Careerchoice]

To my surprise this went down quite badly. To the point of it being compared to the move in equivalent of a crap proposal.

 

I'm not sure I understand what her exact objections were. She compared the request to move in to being proposed to? That makes no sense. They are separate events in my mind. I would want to live with my partner before proposing to her. I'd want to know if we're compatible living together before buying her a ring. Completely reasonable. Your doubts are well founded. If she saw you as a long term partner, she would jump at the chance to progress the relationship. I'd get to the bottom of this issue with your partner if I were you.