I need help

[Nijelous]

So, this is going to be a long one. This is also my first post, so yeah.

I've been having so many problems with just emotions in general recently, and honestly, I don't know what is wrong with me.

For context, i'm 15, male, and go to an all boys school, the last one is gonna maybe be useful.

I have been personally insecure for a while now, I have self-esteem lower than the ocean floor, I have trouble even contemplating the emotion of "love", don't even feel it for my parents, who are amazing, just, I don't care as much for them, or anyone at times. I swing back and forth from someone who wants to be alone, just left to do what I need/want to do, like music or gaming (I spend way too much time doing that). Or, the alternative is that I want to know what people think of me, to know if people actually like me, whether that be friends or "crushes". There is also other times, where I feel like my life is a mess, i'm not going to achieve anything, i am so far behind everyone, I can't feel emotion, do people actually care about me, will I ever find love (something I have doubted for a few years, looking at myself). The last one is where I just feel like absolute garbage, and the problem is, that that one is so bad, and I don't know what is causing it, or any of this. I am well off, I have a nice family (that is honestly disregard at most points), I am a top achiever at my school, without trying, at one of the best schools in the country, predicted A-A* across the board for GCSE, I have many friends, many people who I think care about me, why should I not be happy.

But that's part of the reason, I think.

I see these problems, and see that people around me are so worse off, that I should be totally fine. A friend of mine is suicidal with clinical depression, others just hate life, and have it kinda bad, I am fine compared to them, so I bottle my emotions and hide them. I never talk to anyone about these problems, I think it is just futile, with them just saying what I think, so I never talk to people about this, and have never answered any of these questions, why am I so unhappy sometimes. Thing is though, its between being like that, and not caring about most things, letting video games take over and guide me from life, keeping to the thing that gives me a true sense of achievement and that I can actually achieve something in life.

I think the one thing that has constantly brought me to these feelings is the sense of "I'm never gonna find someone that likes me", and by that, I mean a girl, as I don't talk to them, really, that much. I only ever see them (besides at home) at out of school clubs, where i've just brushed off any "feelings" i've had for a girl to be irrational, lust, loneliness, want for something to fill my self-doubt. I don't think any girl I have met has't friend zoned my yet, well, I don't know, I never talk to them about that type of stuff.

 

What is my problem, please help in some way, I will probably answer most messages, probably.

I've probably explained myself poorly btw

[Clarisse]

I don't think anything is wrong is wrong with you at all. You seem to be in a transitional state right now, that's all. You will experience many in your life, trust me.

 

Did you ever feel emotions for anyone or is this a new phenomenon?

[Nijelous]

I don't think anything is wrong is wrong with you at all. You seem to be in a transitional state right now, that's all. You will experience many in your life, trust me.

 

Did you ever feel emotions for anyone or is this a new phenomenon?

 

From what I remember, i've got a kinda bad memory, it's always been like this, well, with the feeling emotions for anyone, unless that's hate or anger, then no, but apart from that, yeah

[Clarisse]

It may be a good idea to talk to a counselor about that- your lack of feelings- just to try and understand yourself better. Is this something you can discuss with your parents? If not, maybe a counselor at school?

 

Hang in there. Being a teenager is hard.