Learning to Trust or not?

[JCarman]

I have been divorced for about 2 years. My wife abrubtly left me for someone else. In the last 6 months, I have found a special person. However, I am having diffculty trusting her because:

 

1. She goes out to meat-market clubs weekly. I am okay with fact she wants to go out to happy hours with work friends, but the happy hours turn into a few hours, and it's the same place my ex hooked up with her new boyfriend. She knows it upsets me, but she does it anyways. Last week, we had a special night planned and she still managed to squeeze in some time at this place. Although I was mad, I didn't confront her about it. A couple days later, I noticed she had some calls (on cell phone) from another guy.

 

2. She holds on to jewerly from ex's.

 

I have been trying to avoid her because of the suspiousions (#1)

 

Should I just be patient?

Is sneaking around (spying) right considering the circumstatnces?

 

I want to move forward but it seems tough to deal with issues.

[Celadon]

I'm not sure what you consider "moving forward" with this woman at this point.

 

You have found a special person, but are the two of you dating exclusively? If not, she can go and meet with whomever she wishes.

 

What were you doing checking her cell phone, by the way? Isn't the more appropriate thing to do, to ask her if she is seeing or meeting any other men?

 

I don't think you should be patient; you should have a talk with her about where the relationship is and where it's headed. You two need to be on the same page.

 

I know what you mean about being mad but not confronting your s.o. - I did the same thing, and I warn people from doing it too much, if at all. Those are some of the worst memories I have now of my ex (not expressing myself for fear of him not being able to handle the conversation), and I would like to keep others from that hurt. It seems politic at the time, but these issues need to be discussed.

[nexus532]

i guess it would help if you gave more info about her life thoughts.Does she want to settle down, or does she still have that party girl in her. I guess that was kinda of answered , you know what i mean? Spying will not help you begin to trust her, in fact its doing the exact oppsite. The best thing is to sit down and have a talk with her, most people don't do this, but it helps. Good luck

[apollocreed71]

If she does things that upset you, and she knows it hurts you, she is not thoughtful of your feelings. Keep looking for the right one. Hey, you can still be together, but don't look for something permanent in her.

[JCarman]

The relationship is (was?) moving towards marriage. She really wants kids and is at an age where it is time to decide.

 

As far as seeing the calls from other guys on the phone...She let me use the phone for a while, and I noticed contacts when I innocently hit redail.

 

Thanks in advance for all the feedback.